The Psychology of Resentment: Over-Functioning, Repression, and Repair

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the silent killer of relationships: resentment. They discuss resentment as a combination of perceived grievance (“I was wronged”) and helplessness (“and I can’t fix it”), before talking about how over-functioning and control tendencies can lead to resentment in relationships - one person shoulders more of the load while quietly stewing about it. Topics include the role of rumination in keeping resentment alive, the difference between legitimate grievances and toxic rumination, and why resentment can feel protective. Rick shares a step-by-step framework for handling resentment when repair isn’t possible, while Forrest highlights how communication and claiming agency can be powerful antidotes.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro

04:14: Legitimate grievances vs. unhealthy resentment

09:44: How perceptions of injustice and helplessness fuel resentment

20:04: Claiming your agency

34:41: How to work through resentment with others

50:11: How to work through resentment when you can’t work through it with others

1:02:51: Recap Grief and Loss Course: In this four-week online program Rick will help you soothe emotional pain, find perspective and meaning, and hold whatever happened with acceptance and compassion. Learn more at RickHanson.com/loss and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

If you have ADHD, or you love someone who does, I’d recommend checking out the podcast ADHD aha!

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

Join hundreds of thousands of people who are taking charge of their health. Learn more and join Function at functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL.

Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from NPR.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices