Self-Sabotage: Why You Do What You Shouldn’t, and How to Stop

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop.

They talk about how self-sabotage often serves as a form of psychological self-protection, and why doing well can feel like a threat to our identity, before discussing avoidance coping, the conflict between aspects of who we are, and why we stay safe rather than stepping forward. Along the way, they offer practical strategies for updating outdated internal models, working with different parts of ourselves, and building the inner resources that make real change possible.

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Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:05: What is self-sabotage, really?

6:10: Why self-sabotage is often a form of protection

10:20: Avoidance coping and the logic of “safe failure”

14:40: The identity cost of doing well

18:55: Internal conflict and the parts model

26:15: Challenge vs. threat: how the brain evaluates risk

32:05: Real-life examples of self-sabotage

37:30: How to begin working with self-sabotaging parts

45:45: Working with self-destructive parts

51:10: Creating safer conditions for growth

57:25: Building a feedback loop that reinforces trust

1:02:40: Recap and additional take-aways

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