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Imperfect Love

Dr. Carla Marie Manly

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The messy road of life is difficult to navigate alone, and it’s often tough to figure out the next best step. Hosted by psychologist and author Dr. Carla Marie Manly, the Imperfect Love podcast sheds light on the complicated, sensitive problems that affect us all. Dr. Carla responds to listeners’ real-life questions with a mindfulness-based approach. She delivers quality, nourishing advice on finding love and happiness by learning to embrace life's imperfections. In supportive conversations ...
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There’s Too Many Podcasts, a tongue in cheek look at the podcasting world, is hosted by Chris Schieman. TTMP goes behind the scenes with the people who create engaging content, from the unknown podcasts that you should be listening to, to the podcasts you can’t quit. Join Chris on his mission to give a platform to up-and-coming podcasts, and listen to industry experts describe the process for creating some of the world’s most popular podcasts. Learn more about the podcast, and submit your gu ...
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show series
 
We want—and expect—family ties to last forever. From infancy forward, we naturally seek lasting bonds that will make us feel safe and loved. Yet, sadly, as people change and move through life, family ties can fray and even break—sometimes permanently. Such fractures are sometimes for the best, especially when abusive dynamics are causing substantia…
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We’re told that we should be happy and that we deserve to have it all. And we often feel that we’ve failed ourselves if we aren’t happy 24/7—and if we haven’t managed to get everything we’re supposed to need and want. I’ve found that the overly high expectations we set for ourselves (plus those set by family, friends, and society) tend to work agai…
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We never expect—much less want—to find ourselves caught up in abusive relationships or toxic dynamics such as trauma bonding or gaslighting. In fact, traumatic bonding, which involves abusive power and control coupled with cycles of intermittent reward and punishment, can create or worsen serious mental health issues including anxiety, depression, …
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We often expect ourselves to be everything, everywhere, all at once for everyone, yet such high expectations can lead to being mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually out of balance. In the constant race to achieve more and be more, stress, anxiety, depression, and a host of physical issues often set in. From headaches and stomach issues…
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We're constantly learning more about the world of neurodiversity and how to appreciate that every person's brain works differently. Yet, given the pressure to conform—to perceive, process, and utilize information in the "right" way—millions of people feel as if they don't fit in (or can't cope in)—today's world. Fortunately, we are making great str…
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There was a time in the not-too-distant past when aging was honored and seen as a natural part of life. Yet in today's world, we've come to fear aging as if it's a dark monster we must fight in order to be loved, seen, and respected. The culture of eternal youth eats away at our well-being on many levels. It creates an increasingly consumptive and …
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If your childhood was traumatic, you might expect yourself to have forgotten or moved past the difficulties and challenges you endured. Yet, from my clinical and life experiences, it is clear we never recover from childhood trauma – or any other form of it – unless we purposefully engage in mindful healing. We are told that "time heals all wounds."…
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It's just me this week kids! I'm taking a look back, on the first season of There's Too Many Podcasts! What went right? What went wrong? If you're new to this podcast, this is a great starting point for season one, with a shout out to all the wonderful guests who I was lucky enough to chat with all season long. Thanks to everyone who gave this podc…
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We want to believe that our healthcare system will be there for us when we need it. And we rightly expect that those entrusted with our care can (and will) do everything in their power to give us the care we deserve. Yet, unfortunately, I—and millions of others—have found that our healthcare system is terribly broken. When we are too sick, fragile,…
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On the season finale of There's Too Many Podcasts! I'm please to host Dr. Carla Marie Manly. Dr. Carla hosts Imperfect Love, a podcast that explores the messy and imperfect road of life. Today's topic is on mental health, with a disclaimer at the start to anyone who suffers from mental health. Dr. Carla and I discuss the specifics of attachment the…
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We often believe that we need to change who we are to be loved and accepted. Yet, in the process of shape-shifting to meet others' needs and expectations, we often lose the very core--the true heart--of who we are. The cost to the self can be devastating. I have come to believe that those who truly understand what it is to love and be loved don't a…
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We want those we care about to feel safe, loved, and secure, and we naturally want the same for ourselves. Yet in today's chaotic world, millions feel anxious, isolated, unseen, and unloved, particularly after the pandemic—which took many people's lives off course—feelings of hopelessness, confusion, disappointment, and shame abound. Often-silent e…
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When life feels stressful, dark, or challenging, we often tell ourselves--or are told by others--that we should just toughen and carry on. Yet, from my professional and personal experience, I've learned that compartmentalizing or burying our struggles only makes things worse in the long run. When we ignore our needs for mental, emotional, and physi…
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Division between generations is not a new issue, yet the disconnect between Gen-Z and older generations can lead to social alienation, interpersonal conflict, and even serious mental health issues. Some see Gen-Z as an overly anxious, stressed group with poor coping skills, a lack of interest in working hard, and destructive screen time overuse. Ye…
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The calm voice of Celeste Renee joins me this week for a very enlightening chat on communication. Her podcast, A Better Way to Say, meshes communication with enlightenment in a way that I find completely enchanting. As a broadcaster for over 20 years, I can say Celeste's teachings on how to communicate effectively taught this old dog some new trick…
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Love. Addiction. Sobriety. Trauma. Death. Grief. Each of these six seemingly simple words holds vast meaning and power, yet – when absorbed collectively – they pack a powerful punch that can bring us to our knees. Most of us have loved someone – or have been that someone – who has struggled with addiction. And some of us have felt that shattering p…
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This week the lovely and motherly Lynn Layfield joins me to talk about her podcast, Decision Diaries. Decision Diaries is a light-hearted look at the decisions we make, why we make them, the results/consequences. As Lynn's own website points out, it's real, raw, and slightly inappropriate. I feel like I kept that theme going in our chat!…
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We often crave to be loved perfectly, yet human love is naturally imperfect. And while it's normal for us to unintentionally let each other down now and again, actions of betrayal are in a different category altogether. When those we count on most betray us, the body, mind, and spirit are deeply traumatized. The etymology of the word "betrayal" tak…
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Joe Mares, a veteran of the gaming industry joins me this week to talk about his podcast, Harbinger of Fun. Joe's fascinating life is a great example of overcoming our anxieties, both internally and externally, to follow our true calling. In his podcast, he explores the fun of life, and what makes it so! I enjoyed exploring with him the idea of wha…
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We often believe that if we try harder and harder to be the perfect partner, parent, friend, or employee, we will somehow create a trouble-free life and gain the love, safety, and respect we crave. Yet when we chronically strive for perfection, we tend to create more self-judgment, anxiety, and stress. Unfortunately, this toxic dynamic can foster a…
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Gaslighting. It's an increasingly common term that dates back to a 1938 British Play, Gas Light, and subsequent movies focused on the power of manipulation in relationships. In the original play, a manipulative husband makes his wife feel as if she's going insane by telling her that perceptions are inaccurate when she notices that the house lights …
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Jason Sherman, of Strap on Your Boots, joins me this week for a chat about entrepreneurship. I would describe Jason as an accomplished techie. I felt a good connection with him because of our similar paths. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you that it is great fun, but hard (sometimes frustrating) work. In this episode Jason and I discu…
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Anxiety has a way of weaving itself into our bodies, brains, and lives. Struggles with anxiety often begin in childhood and, by adulthood, can become firmly entrenched in our lives. With many mental health issues on the rise--from anxiety, depression, and chronic stress to suicide--it's time to pause to find actionable strategies to help us diminis…
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Chrisi Talyn Saje, a.k.a. "Madison on the Air" joins me this week to talk about her very cool and unique idea. Madison on the Air is one of the funniest ideas I've come across. The character, Madison, is a modern day gal who's transported back in time into old time radio shows. I happen to love old time radio shows, and Chrisi's modern spin on thes…
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Secrets. Lies. Truth. Confessions. We often learn to hide parts of who we are--including the mistakes we've made along the way. Yet, I've found that keeping secrets--the dark, shamed-filled ones--can lead to depression, anxiety, and the tendency to be untrue to the self and others. One lie, even a small one, can lead to a web of lies that makes tel…
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The delightful and engaging Katie Mack joins me this week for a quick therapy session, followed by a discussion of the work of the International Human Rights Art Movement. IHRAM is a wonderful organization that is doing its part to amplify the work of artists living in areas where doing what they do, and being who they are, can mean imprisonment or…
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It can be easy to fall into indifference, hopelessness, or despair when we're met with roadblocks over and over again. Yet I've found that--even in those low spots when we feel as if we'll never bring our dreams to life--the shining lights of hope and faith can help us move forward toward the goals that bring us greater love and purpose. Is it poss…
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Trauma. PTSD. Complex-PTSD. Abuse. These seemingly simple words can hold a great deal of meaning, pain, and nearly inescapable charge. Although the significance of these terms can be diluted by misuse, there's nothing "light" or unimportant about the profound, lasting effects of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and other expe…
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Welcome to the first episode of There's Too Many Podcasts! A Podcast About Podcasts. For my first interview, I could think of no one better than my new friend Mike Chisholm. Mike hosts the wildly entertaining The Letterman Podcast, about our mutual idol, David Letterman. We chat about our love of all things "Dave" and a little about life in general…
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PTSD and children—it’s a critical topic. PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is increasingly common in our challenging world, and while it’s often difficult to recognize PTSD in adults, it can be even more challenging to determine when a child has PTSD. In fact, there was a time when experts believed children couldn’t develop PTSD. Fortunately, w…
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Every day, millions of women struggle in their new (or existing) roles as mothers. No matter how much a woman desires to be a mother, the journey of motherhood can be scary and challenging. Motherhood is inherently imperfect, yet we often feel as if we should be perfect mothers who can “do it all.” In reality, the drain of striving for perfection—a…
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Motherhood is wonderful, yet, as any mom can tell you, it’s not always sunshine, roses, and smiles. From the challenges of physiological changes, self-doubt, and anxiety to the bright joys of cuddle time and first steps, being a mom can be—all at once—scary, stressful, and full of delight. When we add issues such as prenatal depression, postpartum …
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Tired of endless chaos? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Burnt out? Exhausted? If you're nodding along, you're likely feeling the effects of the hustle culture. The cure for healthy boundaries and mindful self-care is here! We often expect ourselves to be it all and do it all perfectly--and without complaint or sign of exhaustion. Yet the price we pay for a …
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Manipulators and predators are everywhere! Unfortunately, most of us have found ourselves in the hands of a manipulator at least once in our lives. We often feel guilty and ashamed, telling ourselves we should have known better. Yet manipulators—especially those who are truly experts at their craft—can be exceedingly difficult to detect. Yet you ca…
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We often believe that shaming messages don't affect us, but from my experience, the effects of shamed-based culture or upbringing can be exceedingly harmful. Whether shaming messages are implicit or explicit, they can result in the internalization of negative self-messages that lead to feelings of unworthiness, chronic guilt, depression, and anxiet…
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LOVE is the greatest gift we are ever given. It brings us purpose, joy, connection, and life itself. Yet because we love, we also open ourselves up to the immense pain that comes with loss. Indeed, I believe that the greater our love, the more intense our pain during the loss and grieving process. And although love lives inside us and around us eve…
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We want to believe that love will last forever, and perhaps it does. Yet, as imperfect humans, we sometimes let down others—and even ourselves—in ways that sever the trust that is so necessary for lasting, healthy relationships. When we experience the deep pain of betrayal, which can cause immense psychological damage, it can be tough to grieve, he…
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Eco-anxiety is on the rise. We see and feel the effects of climate change at every turn. From natural disasters to increasingly unpredictable weather cycles, we can no longer avoid noticing humanity's impact on the planet. It's easy to slip into feeling anxious, helpless, and hopeless—plus riddled with grief—yet it's never too late to increase our …
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Real love takes work! It's easy to believe that healthy relationships should "just happen." Our happily-ever-after fairy tales perpetuate the myth that love relationships should be both easy and perfect. Yet even in fairytales, the main characters encounter incredible challenges that test their resilience, commitment, and fortitude. Could it be tha…
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Imposter syndrome haunts many of us. For those who suffer from this self-defeating dynamic, I've found that feelings of being an imposter stay entrenched even when others offer heartfelt validation. The persistent fear of not being enough, which often begins in early childhood, can lead to chronic feelings of self-doubt and incompetence that overri…
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Feeling stressed and powerless in today's chaotic world? At every turn, we are faced with important concerns: political turmoil, global warming, environmental disasters, wars, pollution, human rights, and skyrocketing mental health issues. We struggle with broken healthcare, education, financial, and housing systems—plus so much more. The challenge…
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Are your eating habits bringing you down? We often believe that what we eat has little, if any, impact on our psychological health. Especially when we are stressed or exhausted, it's all too easy to slide into unhealthy habits such as eating on the run, binging on sweets, or gobbling up carbs and comfort foods. Unfortunately, when poor eating habit…
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Looking for an antidote to stress? If you feel constantly out of balance, anxious, or stressed, you're not alone. When life feels challenging or unhealed trauma gets triggered, it's easy to become dysregulated and spiral downward. This negative cycle hurts us physically, mentally, and emotionally. Although we often can't control what life brings ou…
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We are often expected to stay happy—to be cheery and upbeat no matter what is going on in our lives. As a result of this unreasonable expectation, many people believe that they are failing if they don't feel happy 24/7. Yet, in real life, lasting happiness—what I term joy—lets go of impossible standards and makes space for all of our emotions and a…
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Are you a prisoner of your past? Is it possible to access your inner child to heal the wounds that keep you stuck? Can intergenerational patterns of violence and pain be shifted? Absolutely! Although some believe that we leave childhood issues behind as we enter adulthood, I've found that our negative childhood experiences—including wounds, trauma,…
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The pressure to look perfect--and be perfect--is exhausting and expensive on many levels. In the quest to live up to impossibly high beauty standards, we often squander an incredible amount of time, mental energy, and financial resources. I've found that our mental and physical health pay a huge price when we feel judged, rejected, and shamed if we…
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We often have scripts running in our heads that tell us we should be more, do more, and obtain more. These inner narratives work against us, feeding anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. The impossible ideal of perfection is fed by society as well as those who can capitalize on our insecurities. It's no wonder we suffer from anxiety, depression, and low s…
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If you're a sensitive person, you may have been told that you are the problem—that if only you weren't "so sensitive," everything would be okay. You might have heard all too often that you should just "toughen up." Yet sensitivity—when respected and valued—can be a most wondrous superpower. We live in an often-insensitive world that is hyper-focuse…
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Body image. Food. Perfectionism. The relationships we have with our bodies and the food we eat are shaped by factors such as childhood environments and societal messaging. Throughout life, the conscious and unconscious choices we make around food have the power to impact us mentally, emotionally, and physically. When we pause to notice the negative…
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Manifesting! This singular word is magical to some and cringe-worthy to others. Yet, when manifesting is mindfully embraced, it can become a powerful tool for everyone. When we think of manifesting, ideas of the supernatural might come to mind, but true manifesting simply involves harnessing the power of your own mindset, heart, and soul. As we lea…
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