There’s a Spectrum to “Belonging” to a Group … and That’s OK!

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

One of the best things about being part of a group – whether a book club, neighborhood, friend group, or formal community – is feeling like you belong to something.

But that feeling isn’t always instant; sometimes, if you’re new, you might wonder, at what point do I actually fit in? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode: what belonging to a group actually feels like vs. what we think it should feel like.

I want to reframe how we think about belonging. A lot of us might think it’s all-or-nothing, but I think there’s a spectrum to it. In some groups, feelings of belonging might be stronger than in others, and that’s okay.

How can we cultivate our connections in these groups to increase feelings of belonging? I offer some of my thoughts, but I also want to say, it’s okay to not feel close with everyone in a group. What matters is to lean into what feels right to you.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The four signs of belonging and why we need to look at belonging as a spectrum and not a black-and-white concept
• The impact of belonging on mental and physical health and how to use small intimacies as a way to build connections in a group
• Why sometimes senses of belonging fluctuate over time; plus, giving and receiving genuine interest
• The value in focusing on individual relationships within a group rather than the group as a whole

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection; Episode 74 about small intimacies; Episode 37 about nurturing feelings of belonging; and Episode 14 about friend groups.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!