Reeling

Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk

Figs is sent reeling when a session on repair goes in an unexpected direction when Teale tries to connect deeply. Explore the ways preconceptions shake up natural processes as Figs and Teale challenge the idea that there's a "right" way to be vulnerable.

Timestamps:

01:06 Introduction

01:56 Figs' Irish ways

07:03 Preview of session — "Are we ready to stop being in your head, Figs?"

08:03 The Emotional Withdrawer's struggle to describe their internal world

09:41 Healing empathy from Teale and the therapist

11:35 Understanding the Emotional Withdrawer

12:12 Teale's realization, "And it's happening right now"

15:07 Session begins — Figs' rate of repair

17:59 "You're so good at coming out." "Even when you don't fish him out." "No."

19:05 Teale has trouble tolerating disconnection

22:32 Figs feels trapped in having to repair — being "reeled in" — before he's ready

24:15 Teale's will feels overpowering to Figs, he wants to collapse

30:06 Process question — too cognitive?

32:13 Figs receives the message, "My way of processing is not right"

34:24 Teale was trying to be "good"

36:42 Figs is overwhelmed, feels like they can't get any one thing done

45:04 Teale reflects Figs' feelings and acknowledges her own triggers

46:19 Figs feels Teale is more trigger-able in session

49:32 Figs describes being unhappy, "and it's not acceptable"

50:47 Staying with the negative feelings

53:27 Figs' feelings were shut down, triggered feelings of "Too much"-ness

55:52 Figs was able to let in Teale and the therapist

59:20 Session ends

59:38 Teale learned a lot about herself as a critic and Figs' shame

01:02:10 Finding the deep sadness beneath the surface

01:04:10 Teale and the therapist's empathy gave Figs the space he needed

01:07:54 French movie vs American movie analogy

01:09:12 "You don't have to get it right the first time"

01:09:48 Next week's episode

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