Attachment Styles in Divorce and Beyond

The Divorce Chapter

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In this episode of The Divorce Chapter, I share a rather bizarre experience that got me thinking about attachment styles. A recent pit stop at an M1 service station led to an encounter with a young child left unattended. This incident raised questions about how attachment styles develop, not just in children but also in adults.

As a social worker, my understanding of attachment styles was primarily related to children and babies. Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, posits that babies are born with a drive to form emotional bonds. It also suggests that if a child's emotional needs aren't consistently met, they can develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles.

Fast forward to adulthood, and it's easy to dismiss attachment theory as something that only applies to kids. However, delving into the book "Attached" by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel SF Heller MA opened my eyes to how these childhood attachments continue to influence us as grown-ups, especially in our relationships.

Attachment styles in adults are primarily secure, anxious, and avoidant. Secure individuals find it easy to be warm and loving in relationships, communicate effectively, and aren't afraid of commitment. Anxious peeps, like my former self, tend to crave closeness but often fear their partner doesn't want the same level of intimacy, leading to emotional turbulence. Avoidant types prioritise independence and may struggle with intimacy and clear communication.

So, why does this matter post-divorce? Well, it turns out that attachment styles can play a significant role in our healing journey and in future relationships. Secure individuals usually have an easier time sustaining long-term relationships, while avoidants and anxious types might find themselves cycling through partners more frequently.

For those of us who've faced divorce, understanding our attachment style can be a game-changer in the healing process. It can also explain why some past relationships may not have worked out as expected. Recognizing these patterns and behaviours can help us navigate future relationships more effectively.

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챕터

1. Lone child wandering M1 service station (00:00:00)

2. Background to the attachment styles (00:04:27)

3. Secure attachment (00:09:02)

4. Anxious attachment (00:09:57)

5. Avoidant attachment (00:12:08)

6. The numbers (00:13:46)

7. The anxious avoidant trap (00:15:30)

8. Self-awareness (00:16:42)

9. The Divorce Book Club (00:17:55)