41 - Aly Pain talks about the reasons moms feel like they're failing and how to fix it

Sideline Sisters

Growing up, Aly was the smart, fun girl on the outside and a frantic, anxious mess on the inside, going from award winning student and athlete to detention and failing out. She spent years healing the pain of dysfunctional family relationships, including an eating disorder, suicide attempt, and ADHD diagnosis to break the cycle raising her own sons. Since becoming a Certified Life Coach and Certified Relationship Systems Coach in 2006, Aly has empowered parents and teachers around the world to rebuild mutual respect, trust, and meaningful connection with their teens without giving in, daily nagging, or more consequences. She's been featured in the New York Post, ABC Nightly News and the Rachael Ray Show. Aly's Notes from the Sidelines: • When we get relationships right at home, we will change every facet of the world. • Parenting is something we're just supposed to know how to do, so we're set up to fail, and so are our kids. You can't fail at something you were never trained to do. • The adolescent brain isn't complete until the age of 28. • It's never too late to do relationship repair if you're open-minded enough. • Blaming girls' and women's behavior on hormones is a wildly pervasive construct perpetuated by patriarchy. It's a way for the people around females to avoid hearing what is being said and to avoid taking responsibility and accountability for being part of change. So if you're a mom who doesn't like being dismissed, then don't do it at home to your child. • The average adult can only articulate 3 to 5 of the 88 emotions we have the capacity to feel. • Reason - Relate - Regulate is the behavioralist model adults were raised with and prefer to parent with but doesn't work with dysregulated kids' brains. Instead, we should be using the Regulate - Relate - Reason order. • We have become a performance-obsessed culture and believe our kids' success is tied to our worth. But good kids don't come from good homes, and bad kids don't come from bad homes. • WE NEED TO STOP CRITICIZING and instead get curious, because we're allowed to disagree and should be supporting each other. Aly's website

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