Big Feelings, Messy Lives: Jacintha Field on Authenticity, Friendship, and the High-Functioning Child (Part 3)

The High-Functioning Disaster

Summary

In the final part of my conversation with Jacintha “Jay” Field (Family & Child Counsellor, Art Therapist; founder of Happy Souls Kids), we get practical about presence over perfection, how to meet kids’ needs when your own life is messy, and how to recognize the “high-functioning but hurting” child—the one who looks fine to teachers and grandparents but unravels with their safe person at home. We also dig into resilience myths, bedtime meltdowns, and why surrender and acceptance are secret parenting skills.

In this episode:

• Presence > perfection: What “being present” actually looks like when life is chaotic, and why 20 minutes of undivided, child-led time can shift behavior.
• Needs mapping at home: A simple dinner-table practice for naming each family member’s needs (rest, activity, friends, quiet, connection).
• Yes-Day (lite): Letting kids choose within time/$ limits to restore a sense of control—especially post-separation or big transitions.
• Permission for parents: Why filling your own cup is not selfish—and how modeling self-care teaches kids to do the same.
• Resilience myth-busting: Kids don’t get resilient by “toughening up”; they get resilient by feeling and moving emotions through.
• Spotting the high-functioning-but-hurting child: The “elastic band” effect (perfect at school/grandma’s, big release with you), why that’s actually a trust compliment, and how to respond without over-fixing.
• Bedtime unraveling: Why emotions surface right before sleep and ways to hold that space (connection activity, movement, breath, nature).
• For teachers & caregivers: Signs to watch for and how to invite safe, regulated release.
• Surrender & acceptance: Reframing late starts and life detours; responding instead of reacting.
• J’s mission: Reaching 100,000 kids by 2027 so they know their feelings are normal—and have tools to navigate them.

Mentioned

• Happy Souls Kids – J's platform supporting emotional regulation through playful, evidence-informed tools.
• “Human Medicine” by Charlie Goldsmith – on processing feelings; his “My Good Habits” framework is referenced.
• Rudy Nudie play mats – washable mats that make messy play easier.
• Adolescents (Netflix series) – a triggering but eye-opening look at digital risks and parent/teen disconnection. (Viewer discretion advised.)

Content note: This episode may mention domestic violence and grief. Please listen with care.

Disclaimer:

This conversation is for information/education only and isn’t a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you or your child needs support, please reach out to a qualified professional in your area.

CTA

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🔗 Resources:

• Happy Souls Kids — [https://www.happysoulskids.com/]
• Connect with Jacintha on Instagram — @jacinthafield [https://www.instagram.com/jacinthafield/]

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