Season Two, Episode Twenty-one: Growing Up with a Narcissistic Parent

Peace, Love, and Psychology

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The issue of narcissism has found its way into the culture as a popular topic in the realm of intimate relationships, work relationships, and family dynamics. In this episode, we examine the topic from the perspective of what it means to be parented by someone with narcissistic traits.
We begin our exploration with an overview of what narcissism is. We review the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that determine whether or not an individual meets the standard to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We then discuss where narcissism fits within the spectrum of human development over the lifespan and highlight periods in a normal life where people might be excessively focused on themselves. We will briefly touch on the role narcissism plays in psychopathy and the 'Dark Triad' before examining the root that underlies the very concept of narcissism, the Myth of Narcissus. This first part of our journey brings us to a more useful way to approach the topic of being parented by a narcissist by clarifying its functional definition.
Armed with a working framework, we then turn the conversation toward characteristics that accompany being raised by a narcissistic parent. When a parent is excessively focused on their own needs over the needs of their children, certain patterns emerge. First, we look at typical behaviors that a parent with these traits will engage in as they raise children. All parents will make mistakes during child-raising, but parents with narcissistic behaviors tend to fail at effective parenting in certain predictable ways. We look at seven of the most common ways a narcissistic parent can hamper healthy childhood development. Second, we look at how these typical, maladaptive parenting behaviors can affect an adult who was raised by a narcissistic parent. We discuss several characteristic outcomes we may face in adulthood when one or both of our parents suffered from narcissistic traits and behaviors.
Finally, we turn to consideration of the key domains that are often a focus in psychotherapy with an adult who was raised by a narcissistic parent. These areas represent normal developmental milestones and the key information and skill sets that the adult child of a narcissistic parent may have missed out on. It is encouraging that, as healing begins in any one of these domains, it has a positive effect on all of the other areas. Recovery can be swift and profound as a person learns to incorporate new understanding and an effective set of skills. As an adult, a person can access a rich array of resource materials on how to cope with having been raised narcissistic parent and begin their healing journey on their own or in psychotherapy with a trusted professional.
Even those adults who were exposed to the most toxic levels of narcissistic parenting can learn to navigate life challenges and relationships with more confidence and experience greater freedom and joy in life.

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Recorded and edited at Studio 970West, Grand Junction, CO.
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