Episode 282: Quick Chat - "Yes...and" - The Destress Tool

Love Your Story: Stories and discussions about personal growth, mindset and living with intention

Episode 282: Quick Chat -"Yes...and"-The Destress Tool

Welcome to the LYS Podcast. Have you heard of the “Yes…and” concept? It’s routed in improvisational theater, but for our purposes we are using it as a valuable approach to life. A life navigation tool.

“Yes….and” does two primary things.

The “Yes” creates acceptance. The “and” pulls us into the present moment - where we decide what to do next. Stay tuned for this quick chat that helps us move through hard things

“Yes… and” is a building block. What is does is acknowledge the reality before you with the YES. Then the “and” is the jumping off point for what you’ll do about it. How you’ll build on what is.

In the realm of improvisation, actors employ “Yes, and” to foster collaboration and creativity. When one actor introduces and idea or action their scene partner accepts it with a “yes and then they add on new information. The scene builds this way, one block - or one “yes, and” at a time.

The alternative is to fight what is…. the first actor just introduced an embarrassing idea that I don’t want to engage with. In the scene, I can’t stop and demand they change their contribution, I just get to keep the momentum building and decide what to do with it, how to build my way out of it…

For example - You’re in an improv scene where the first actor just admits to a crowd of people that you caught an STD in a salacious way, now it’s your turn to figure out how to turn this scene around. What do you do with this twist in the plot? In improv you simply have to make a choice what to do next. You can’t stomp off, you can’t demand they come up with something less personal, you don’t stop the show….you figure out how to play out the scene.

Ok. So let’s apply this simple concept to real life.

I have a sticky note on my desk that says “Yes, and…” in big letters. It reminds me that when something happens, when I’m struggling with something going on in my life, that sitting and wishing it was different, or letting it cause continued anxiety in me while I wallow in what is, are both completely in effective. They are the equivalent of being stuck in a mud bog. Here’s the hero of the story, stuck up to her thighs in a slimy mud bog.

Let’s just take today: I’m recording this in July. My lawn is dying in spots and it’s frustrating. I acknowledge every day that the crisp yellow grass shouldn’t be there, I’m watering it. But it is. So, I can keep feeling the frustration and knowing it shouldn’t be this way, day after day, or I can say Yes - this is happening, my lawn is struggling. Accept it, whether it “should” be that way or not. Now comes the “and.” What will I do differently about this thing? I will water it more, and/or I will change fertilizer. A decision has been made. I’ve accepted what is and I’ve moved on to action.

Next example: I’m working with a new group of women doing the 21 LIFE Connection Challenges. We started out with almost 10 people and after the first week only 4 are checking in regularly. Now, I have a number of feelings about this. 1. I know this is how it goes. Every time. It takes a modicum of dedication to stick with the challenges and most of the time less than half of the groups make it through. Not because the challenges are terribly hard, but they lose focus, get busy, put it off. So, I know this is going to happen but I still feel bad for all the great women who are missing out on what they could have gotten out of it. 2. I feel frustration that discipline is so hard for so many. So the first thing that I need to do to stop resentment from building is to accept that it’s happening and then decide how I want to deal with it. The “and” for me on this one is that I want to give all my best attention to those who stick with it. There is nothing I can do about those who, despite their best intentions, didn’t stay with us, so I can let those emotions go and give my all, without stress, to the women who are stretching and sticking with it.

Applying “Yes, and…” to every day life involves an open minded, accepting, an adaptive and creative attitude. Instead of resisting or denying circumstances, I accept them with the “yes” and then actively seek opportunities and ideas for moving forward.

Rather than fixating on what cannot be changed, individuals focus on what CAN be done in response to the situation. This proactive approach pulls us into the present, it promotes creativity and progress, and frankly it relieves anxiety and stress around life events, because we are doing what we can, intentionally. That may be one of the biggest benefits. Acceptance takes a giant weight off our back. Because when we are in resistance our insides are in turmoil, often times regarding things we can’t change.

Life can be complex, frustrating, disappointing - and those are the places we get stuck. “Yes, and…” is where we embrace our power. Our power of stepping out of the mud bog toward intentional, maybe even creative action.

I love that this mind tool is so simple but so powerful. By embracing the present, accepting it with that “Yes” affirmation, and then deciding what you can and will do about it, you give up the impotentness of being stuck, and you instantly consider what you can and cannot do about it going forward, and you take the step you want.

Thanks for being here today. Please share this episode so someone you know can learn this life tool also, and practice this tool yourself. Once you do, you’ll realize how it shifts everything. Call it the De-stress Tool.