EP 243: Stop Measuring Recovery Like an A-Student (What Success Really Means) + How to Overcome Perfectionism

Her Best Self | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast, Disordered Eating, Anorexia, Bulimia, Orthorexia, Body Image, Food Freedom, Calorie Counting, Obsessive Exercise, Food Restriction

What does success really mean in recovery? In this powerful solo episode, Lindsey gets real about perfectionism, the fear of success vs. fear of failure, and why trying to be an "A-student" at recovery keeps you stuck. If you've ever felt like you're not trying hard enough, not far enough along, or wondered what life would look like if you actually succeeded at recovery - this episode is for you.

Discover why traditional definitions of success are keeping you trapped and learn a new perspective that will transform how you approach your recovery journey.

Key Topics Covered:

⚡ The perfectionist's dilemma: Why wanting recovery to be flawless keeps you stuck ⚡ Two types of fear: Fear of failure vs. fear of success in recovery ⚡ Redefining success: From what you accomplish to who you become ⚡ The pressure of "A-student recovery": Why this mindset leads to relapse ⚡ Surrender and empowerment: Research on how letting go creates better outcomes ⚡ Daily choices over gold medals: Success when no one is watching

The Two Fears That Keep You Stuck: Fear of Failure

• "What if I don't recover?"
• "What if this is just who I am?"
• Staying in denial feels safer because you can't fail if you stay stuck
• Believing you'll never be successful at recovery, so why try?

Fear of Success

• "What if I do recover? Then what?"
• "What would it mean for my life if I quit playing small?"
• "What would it mean if I fully surrendered knowing it didn't need to be perfect?"
• Fear of the unknown person you'll become without your eating disorder

Redefining Success: Traditional (False) Definition:

• Professional achievements and career advancement
• Material worth and financial status
• Luxurious lifestyle and social media image
• Social status, influence, and popularity
• Body image and physical appearance

True Definition of Success:

Success = Who you become in the process, not what you accomplish

Success equals:

• Growth of character
• Developing skills and wisdom
• Growing in faith
• Constant growth leading to happiness and contentment
• Becoming your best self

Powerful Questions for Self-Reflection:

🤔 Where do I spend my time and energy?

• Inner focused (to be better) or outer focused (to look better)?

🤔 Am I putting one foot in front of the other?

• Growing character and fostering positive changes?
• Isn't that success?

🤔 What would success look like if I lived in accordance with:

• My core values
• Resilience
• Grace
• Balance
• Faith

🤔 Am I being honest to myself and others?

• Or am I consumed by what other people think?

🤔 Am I contributing to the world or being consumed by it?

Key Insights from This Episode:

💡 "Success doesn't equal full recovery - success equals your best self"

💡 "You don't get a PhD for healing - there's no 'better' way to heal than anyone else"

💡 "The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can't learn anything from being perfect"

💡 "You weren't called to be perfect - you're just called to be better"

💡 "The more you surrender and let be, the higher you rise"

💡 "If you thought you're not gonna fail because you're just gonna keep going until you arrive, it takes the pressure off"

Research Highlights:

📊 Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology: Individuals who surrendered to God or a higher power in recovery had increased feelings of personal empowerment and happiness

📊 Addiction Sciences and Clinical Practice: Surrender was associated with the highest positive recovery outcomes

The Reality Check:

✨ You don't get applause for daily recovery choices ✨ There's no gold medal for healing ✨ Success is in the daily choices when no one is watching ✨ You're allowed to be perfectly flawed ✨ Constant growth leads to happiness and contentment ✨ The eating disorder doesn't know what to do when you surrender control

From One Client's Story:

A client came to Lindsey after a "bad day" expecting judgment. Instead, Lindsey asked:

"Do you want me to sit in that pity party with you, or do you want me to ask: Where do we go from here? What's next?"

The client's response: "You're right. I need to put this down. Tomorrow's a new day. I need to surrender this."

This is true for you too.

Moving Forward:

Stop driving for perfection - it simply doesn't exist Embrace mistakes - they're where momentum comes from Measure small wins - daily progress over perfection Surrender control - to gain ultimate control, courage, acceptance, and trust Focus inward - character growth over external validation

Ready for Community Support? Join The Recovery Collective!

If you're tired of trying to be perfect at recovery, if you're caught between fear of failure and fear of success, if you want support from women who understand the pressure of high-performing perfectionism - The Recovery Collective is for you.

What You'll Find:

• Bi-weekly 60-minute group coaching calls via Zoom
• Safe space of women who understand perfectionist struggles
• Permission to be imperfect in your recovery journey
• Support for navigating the "messy middle" of recovery
• Community that celebrates character growth over achievement

Special Founding Member Pricing:

• First 10 members: $47/month (over 50% off!)
• Regular membership: $97/month

Recovery doesn't require perfection - it requires showing up. Let's show up together.

Ready to join? Visit www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective for more information

Connect with Lindsey

• Website: www.herbestself.co
• Private Facebook Community: Her Best Self Society www.herbestselfsociety.com
• 1:1 Client Applications: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms

Love this episode? Here's how you can support:

💝 Rate and review to help more perfectionists find freedom 💝 Share with a friend who's stuck in the perfection trap 💝 Join the Facebook community for recovery hugs and support 💝 Apply for 1:1 coaching if you're ready for personalized guidance

Special Announcements:

🎉 Upcoming this fall: Masterclass, giveaways, and exciting new offerings 🎉 Subscribe to the email list at www.herbestself.co to get first access 🎉 Free FB Community at www.herbestselfsociety.com

If You're Reading This and Struggling:

You don't have to be perfect at recovery. You don't have to check all the boxes. You don't have to be further along than you are.

Success is showing up today, even when yesterday was hard. Success is choosing growth over perfection. Success is becoming who you're meant to be, not achieving some impossible standard.

You are worthy. You are strong. You are perfectly capable right now, today, to lean into the biggest struggle of your life.

Consider this your virtual hug from Lindsey. You've got this, beautiful.

Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.

*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.