When Intimacy Hurts: A Somatic Path to Healing

Exiled & Rising: Trauma Recovery & Somatic Healing

When Hugs Feel Awkward, Intimacy Feels Impossible. Why does intimacy feel so hard — even with someone you love?

Why do hugs feel stiff, awkward, or unsafe? Why do some couples avoid touch altogether? It’s not weakness. It’s not that you’re “broken.” It’s your trauma body remembering. In this episode of Exiled & Rising, Ana Mael — Somatic Experiencing Therapist for PTSD and Trauma Recovery — reveals the hidden link between trauma, hugging, and intimacy struggles. Whether you’re someone who can’t stand to be hugged, or a couple struggling to connect emotionally or sexually, Ana explains how unresolved trauma interrupts the most basic cycle of trust in the body.

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When Hugs Feel Awkward, Intimacy Feels Impossible Heal the trauma imprint in your body and learn to open, receive, and trust again — in love, in touch, and in intimacy. https://exiledandrising.mykajabi.com/offers/zchSQWb5

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Key Teaching:

Trauma Intimacy At birth, we all have the Moro reflex (also called the startle or embrace reflex).

It’s simple: open → be held → safely close. When trauma, neglect, or abandonment interrupts this cycle, the nervous system wires in a different lesson: opening is dangerous because no one will catch me.

That incomplete cycle shows up later as: Stiffness and robotic posture (the body saying better stiff than abandoned)

Awkward hugs and difficulty receiving love or comfort Shutdown in sexual intimacy and the inability to orgasm Couples who can’t surrender to one another because safety is missing

Somatic Principles of Intimacy Ana teaches that the front body = nourishment (receiving love, warmth, intimacy) and the back body = protection (safety, “I’ve got you”).

Healthy intimacy happens where these two meet: I can open, and I can trust you will meet me.

Without this somatic completion, intimacy breaks down: In relationships, one partner reaches out but the other pulls away.

In sex, the body refuses to surrender, making orgasm or closeness impossible. In couples, love is present, but safety is missing — so intimacy feels forced, fake, or dangerous.

Core Lesson Intimacy is not just about romance or sex — it is about the nervous system’s ability to open and safely close, to be visible and still feel protected. Trauma freezes this cycle. Healing means retraining the body to trust that it can expand, be embraced, and condense back into safety.

Takeaways from This Episode:

Awkward hugs are not random — they are trauma imprints. Intimacy struggles in couples are rooted in the same incomplete reflex.

The body says “better stiff than abandoned” — until it learns a new pattern.

Trauma healing = relearning to open, to close, and to be safely embraced. Hugging is not just a gesture — it’s a blueprint for nourishment, trust, and intimacy. For many, this is the missing piece: you don’t need more affirmations or “trying harder” in your relationship. You need to heal the somatic foundation of intimacy.

If intimacy has felt impossible for you or your partner — whether through avoidance, shutdown, or the inability to surrender — this episode is your starting point.

Who This Helps :

Survivors of neglect, shock trauma, war, abuse, public shaming/bullying.

First responders, veterans, activists living with chronic hypervigilance.

Couples struggling with affection, receiving, or sexual surrender.

Impact Ana normalizes a widely misunderstood experience, gives a clear somatic mechanism, and offers an embodied path forward. The piece reduces shame, replaces “try harder” with “complete the cycle,” and connects everyday hugging to profound intimacy repair.

Memorable Lines (pull-quotes)

“Awkward hugs aren’t failure—they’re your body remembering no one came.

” “Front is nourishment; back is protection. Intimacy is their meeting.”

“Better stiff than abandoned is a survival strategy—until it isn’t.”

“Healing is learning to open—and to be safely closed again.”

About Ana Mael:

Ana Mael is a genocide survivor, somatic therapist, and author of The Trauma We Don’t Talk About. She is the founder of the Somatic Trauma Recovery Center and has dedicated her career to helping survivors reclaim their identity, dignity, and self-trust. With decades of lived experience, Ana offers a unique, unapologetic approach to healing that combines trauma justice, somatic therapy, and spiritual integrity. She advocates for vulnerability, accountability, and collective healing to dismantle the systems that perpetuate oppression and harm.