Best of The Aware Show with Ian Brennan: Antidotes to Anger

The Aware Show

Does it seem like we are seeing more and more anger and rage lately? Do you or someone you know have issues with anger or managing emotions? Whether through road rage, yelling, political divide, or even outward violence, people seem more upset than ever. What’s underneath it all? According to today’s guest, Ian Brennan, anger masks fear, frustration, and sadness. As an author and expert in conflict resolution, today he discusses ways to help cool anger. He has been involved with the Betty Ford Center as well as other addiction treatment places and also talks about how drug use and alcohol can compound the rage. Ian describes how some people are willing to injure themselves and others, or even willing to die, because of their unresolved anger. They may feel threatened. They may also be in denial. Many angry people deny that they are mad at all. Anger can cover up any type of fear. One way to begin to resolve the situation is to ask people how they feel. The more specific they can be, the better. An angry person tends to be more controlling, or even a perfectionist, as they want assurances. Those expectations can lead to tremendous disappointments. They may light up quickly. Surrender is a way to help – it's an acceptance of where things are. Frequent and brief conversations about emotions can help also to avoid outbreaks of rage. You can start by asking “What” questions, rather than “Why.” Begin by asking the angry person, “What happened?” then lead into “What do you feel?” When you intervene, these questions interrupt patterns. This can lead to constructive conversation and communication. It may help them to feel empowered and less controlled so they can offer information. You can also ask questions starting with “How,” such as “How can I help?” By using needs-based communication people can begin to feel heard. This can then lead to more solution-oriented conversations and help to diffuse the anger. Ian has taught classes on anger management for several decades and has brought his patented high-energy, lightning-speed delivery presentations to more than 100,000 people across the USA. During his many years on staff in locked emergency-psychiatric facilities in Oakland, CA (the job rated as the most dangerous in CA for assault), his teachings spread by word-of-mouth until he was soon regarded as an expert on the topics of anger management, conflict resolution, solution-oriented communication, and violence prevention. In 2011 he published his first book, “Anger Antidotes: How Not to Lose Your S#&!.” Info: https://violenceprevention.us