E83 - Deflection

The Uncommon Communicator

Deflection is turning aside, off course or diversion.

We see it in two aspects:

1. Deflection of a question or avoiding an answer

2. Deflection of Praise

1. Deflection of a question or avoiding an answer

Who deflects and why?

People use deflection as a way to get someone else "off course," so to speak, if they're being criticized and feel the need to defend themselves. Typically, they'll deflect onto the person calling them out, though they can also shift blame to an entirely separate person.

What should you do when someone is redirecting?

· Remain Calm

· Redirect the conversation back to original topic.

· Address your concern. You may need to dig into a deeper issue.

· Let it go and move on.

2. Deflection of praise or compliments

It is hard for many people to take a compliment. There are a few reasons for that difficulty. The first is that most people do not want to be seen as vain or boastful. So, when someone compliments you, it creates a mild embarrassment in which the recipient feels like accepting the compliment will make them seem as if they are publicly acknowledging their own greatness—which isn’t far from bragging. In addition, many people have reservations about their own performance, and so they may not feel as though they deserve the compliment they have received.

· Doubting the sincerity of the compliment

· Low self-esteem, not wanting to appear or seen as proud.

· Being a perfectionist

How to best receive a compliment?

1. Respect the person giving you the compliment: Recognizthat people are taking a risk in saying what they appreciate about you and are putting themselves out by saying something they have seen in you they like. Connect with a feeling of gratitude and respect for them as you hear the compliment.
2. Accept the compliment: Simply say: “Thank you”.
3. Praise the compliment: You may wish to acknowledge the appreciation by saying something in praise of the compliment, such as: “Thank you, that means a lot to me to hear that”, or “Thank you, that’s kind of you to say that”.
4. Returning the compliment if it is appropriate: this is not to be done as a default response to a compliment, but you may feel something you wish to say in response. The example in the video is where someone says: “I’m really enjoying this conversation with you” and you respond with “Thank you, that’s really good to hear. I’m really enjoying talking with you as well.”

The UC Moment for today is …… Just say thanks

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