Episode 406: Parenting and anxiety. Don't repeat history.

The Robyn Graham Show - Helping Christian Moms Become Calm, Confident, and Content Despite Anxiety

If allowed, history will repeat itself. And that is why healing from the past is crucial, especially when parenting and anxiety are hand in hand.

More than 40% of Americans have an anxiety disorder. Even more alarming, 32% of adolescents between the ages of 13 and 18 have an anxiety disorder. With such profound statistics, there is no doubt that parenting and anxiety need to be addressed collectively.

Don't repeat history.

You may have heard the phrase hurt people hurt people. And this is especially true if one does not heal from the past. This may be true for parents and can be made worse when anxiety is present. Hurt can be inflicted intentionally or unintentionally, but without healing, hurt passes from one generation to the next.

Lisa Brenninkmeyer said, "Suffering not transformed is transmitted. Satan wants us to say I was wounded, now I will wound." Her quote seems to be directed more at the person who intentionally hurts others, but the reality is that if we do not transform our suffering, we ultimately hurt others, no matter what. And, we continue to hurt ourselves.

The word suffering may feel a little extreme when it comes to anxiety. However, anxiety can be debilitating and can lead to outbursts of anger due to irritability and an inability to cope. When this happens, the people in the path of the anxious person get hurt. And when that happens — once or repeatedly — suffering ensues and builds. Relationships are often damaged and maybe, over time, even destroyed.

For parents, it is crucial to heal from past wounds and navigate anxiety in order not to bring past hurt into our parenting.

Heal to avoid parenting and anxiety traps?

Any time there are unhealed wounds, there is a risk of increased anxiety. Oftentimes, when people are wounded, they are angry and have not taken the initiative to forgive. Unforgiveness can cause an increase in anxiety. We know that God calls us to forgive. If you have someone you need to forgive, pray about it. That sounds simple, but the Lord can and will soften your heart. It is important to note that granting forgiveness does not mean you will forget the hurt caused by someone else. But you can forgive and set boundaries so the hurt doesn't continue.

When we've been hurt, we may be tempted to harden our hearts. Instead, we can harden our exterior by establishing boundaries while softening our hearts to allow for forgiveness, love, and compassion without holding onto past hurts. Once we make this effort and continue to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance and strength, we will see transformation. With transformation, anxiety will decrease. You will be less likely to overreact when someone, like your child, spouse, or even your parent, aggravates you or reminds you of a past wound.

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