76. Dr. James Doty — Hacking Happiness: Shifting From "Me" to "We"

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"People want to be kind, caring, and helpful, but you have to create the environment to allow for that to happen." - Dr. James Doty

How do you override your fight or flight response and train your brain to make better decisions?
Why are negative thoughts stickier than positive ones?
Why did Dr. James turn down $30 million when he was dead broke?
What is the proven path to lasting happiness and life satisfaction?

Practical Magic

You may know Dr. James Doty as a clinical professor in the Department of Neuroscience at Stanford University School of Medicine. Or maybe as Director and Founder of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. You might know him from his New York Times best-selling book “Into the Magic Shop.”

But before anyone knew James Doty, he was a poor kid from a broken family. At age 13, faced with regular eviction, tiptoeing around an alcoholic father and a severely depressed and ill mother, James was only ever in survival mode. That is, until he met Ruth, an older woman at a local magic shop. She set him on a path that he still walks today — one that explores the connection between our brains, our bodies, our environments, and our society.

Survey Says...

Ruth gave young James the tools to stay present — to understand and take control of his physiology. When something overwhelmed him, he would conduct a "body survey." Later, in his research, Dr. Doty discovered the science behind this approach: that these steps actually shifted the brain from the sympathetic nervous response (the "fight or flight" response) to the parasympathetic nervous response, which has incredible health benefits. He also observed that in our modern world, we are constantly faced with stress and threats that throw our bodies into that sympathetic nervous response — essentially, we're all constantly living life in 5th gear.

Dr. James calls what Ruth taught him "mindfulness plus." She gave him the tools to slow down physiologically and stay present emotionally. She also showed him how to be kind to himself and undo a lifetime of self-hate, which had unexpected benefits. He says, "When you can be kind, when you can change the narrative, it actually changes not only your own physiology, but also how you see the world."

A Call to Serve

Dr. James’s research led him to the study of compassion and what happens when people extend that compassion to others. He found that overwhelmingly, the people who are the happiest and most at peace with themselves are the ones who work in service of others.

He worries because he sees our society and values oriented away from service. Everyone is working towards climbing the corporate ladder, accumulating wealth, and buying status symbols, all in the name of chasing happiness. But if they would just turn around, the answer is there, behind them on the trail. He explains: "They will climb this mountain. They will get all of this money, Ferraris, all this stuff. But for a large percentage of them, they're not going to be happy unless they are oriented towards being selfless and being of service."

Key takeaways:

Breathe in, breathe out. When you're under stress, regulate your body's autonomic response. You'll make better decisions and won't compound a bad situation.
Be present. Most people are stuck in the past or worried about the future. But you can't connect with others unless you're with them in the present moment.
Live a life of service. Whether it's money, time, or effort, giving brings joy that getting simply can't match.

Links and Resources

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