008: “Mailbag Mayhem”

How To Be a Terrible Daughter

Welcome back to "How to Be a Terrible Daughter!" In this special mailbag episode, we’re diving into your burning questions about surviving and thriving despite narcissistic relationships. We kick things off by discussing how to handle those who get prickly about the term "narcissist"—because let's be honest, it’s not your job to make everyone else comfortable with the truth. We also clear up some common misconceptions about what victims of abuse "should" look like, reminding everyone that looking put together can often be a trauma response, not a sign that everything’s okay.

One of the most powerful analogies we explore is the idea that, growing up with a narcissistic parent, you’re handed a manual for being a robot instead of a human. The narcissist dictates everything, from how you should think to how you should feel, leaving you disconnected from your true self. Elizabeth shares how this played out in her life, and we look at the psychological warfare that makes you question your every move.

We also respect the privacy of our listeners by not using names, understanding that many are still trapped in the web of narcissistic trauma. The fear of repercussions and the deep-seated shame instilled by the narcissist make speaking out a daunting task. We’re here to honor that fear and provide a safe space for all of you navigating this difficult path.

Finally, we wrap up with our usual “Mini Crazy Mom Off” and some practical tools for getting through the week. Plus, we’re excited to share ways you can anonymously join our growing community. Whether you’re here for advice, solidarity, or just a good laugh at the absurdity of it all, this episode has got you covered. If we didn’t have time to answer your question in this episode, don’t worry, we’re sure we’ll be doing another mailbag episode in the future – so keep writing in!

We’re so happy to be here with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [e-mail]!

What We Cover In This Episode:

• How to respond if others get “prickly” about the term “narcissist” [2:36]
• Common misconceptions people have about the ways in which victims of abuse should act [5:46]
• Two different interactions Elizabeth recently had that demonstrate both being heard, and not heard, by the other person [9:06]
• A closer look at the flying monkeys that we have been talking about on the podcast and the role that they play for narcissists [13:12]
• Our thoughts on what is happening when victims always feel like they’re doing something wrong and the analogy we use of being given a manual for how to be a robot, not a human [21:41]
• Something to keep in mind about the rules of the game that the narcissist often plays by [25:34]
• A recurring thought pattern that one listener is having and one thing to keep in mind that can make all the difference when self-reflecting on narcissism [28:14]
• A very important reminder that you are NOT the crazy one [32:06]
• Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” and a story about a mother’s bullying, along with a horror story of someone coming back from the grave [34:10]
• What we’ve been using to help us get through our weeks, including tools for self-dialogue and long-term goal setting [50:26]

● How we’re looking to branch out with this podcast and a way that you can get involved, anonymously [54:46]