The effects of growing up with defective, inadequate parenting

Self-Coaching

Let me wind up my Self-Coaching series on the non-nurturing parental environment with a discussion of the indifferent parent and the defective, abusive parent. Although these examples represent extreme forms of defective parenting, to a greater or lesser extent, they play a part in the lives of many who suffer emotionally as adults. Essentially, the indifferent parent is one whose life and personal needs supersede their child’s. This type of parent may be openly neglectful and distracted. They are less likely to be held to account for the damage this lack of connectedness has on a child’s sense of worth and self-esteem. They are too selfish to establish an adequate and loving relationship with the child. The Defective, Abusive Parent, in contrast, tends to have a much more direct and deleterious effect on the child’s emotional development. Many psychologically wounded parents suffer from alcoholism, debilitating anxiety and depression, personality disorders, drug addiction, and so on. As you can imagine, a defective parent’s ability to provide an adequate nurturing environment is limited by the extent of their dysfunction. Because of this dysfunction, there could be neglect, emotional or physical abuse, along with erratic and inconsistent attempts to show love. Children who grow up in these homes are the children of chaos.