It's All in the Delivery: It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It

Romancipation

S4 Episode 5: It’s All in the Delivery: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It

Episode Summary

The ability to communicate effectively with your partner is one of the key elements of a successful relationship. For many people, it is not the substance of what is being said that creates issues in a relationship, but how that information is delivered. In order to get the most benefit out of your relationship, you need to understand your partner’s preferred communication style and tailor your message in a manner that is productive.
When communicating wants, needs, boundaries and feelings to your partner be aware of your tone, timing and word choice. If a message is delivered with anger, frustration, hostility, blame or condemnation, the chance of engaging in a productive conversation is minimal. Even if you are approaching your partner with something benign, if the timing is inopportune, you may find yourself engaged in conflict that was unexpected.
Making sure to use the correct wording can also greatly increase the probability that your message will be received and processed by your partner. People are much more open to listening if they feel they are not being attacked, blamed or judged.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people believe they deserve a rich partner.

Show Notes

Communication is a pillar of Romancipation. Each and every person has their own communication style, and that of your partner may differ from you. As a result, you may end up in conflict even in cases when, in principle, you’re actually on the same page. For this reason, knowing your style and your partner’s style is really important.
Once you identify their communication style, you can try adapting to a method your partner can more easily understand. If there’s a reaction before a conversation or you’re not getting the result you’re hoping for, take it upon yourself to think about how your message will be perceived.
Critical information is always best delivered to your partner privately and in a calm manner. Timing is everything—there are certain times of day your partner will be less open to discussing what you want to address. It might be tempting to get it off your chest, but choosing to talk about something when you’re angry might result in saying things you don’t mean.
Be careful of the words “always” and “never.” These are absolute statements you want to be conscious about using with your partner and your kids. The more you drop these statements, the more they lose their value. Using the right words can make all the difference in an important conversation.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a person thinks they deserve a rich partner. A lot of young people today are zeroed in on this idea. It’s entitled behavior. What do you bring to the relationship that makes you deserving of someone else’s wealth? It can lead to resentment, conflict, and keep deep trust from forming in the relationship.
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