117. Pointing Positive: Influencing Your Teen Toward Positive Change

Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

Are you unknowingly sending your teen the message that their best isn’t good enough?
In this episode, we dig into a concept called "pointing positive," a term from river kayaking that can make a big difference in parenting teens through tough times. When we guide our kids toward what they want to achieve, instead of focusing on what they need to fix, we can help them feel more motivated and confident in their journey.
Think about it: if your teen has worked hard to bring their grades up from D’s and F’s to consistent C’s, it’s tempting to ask, “Why aren’t you getting B’s or A’s?” But focusing on what’s still lacking can undermine their progress, even when we mean well. By “pointing positive” and acknowledging their small steps forward, we show them that we see and value their growth, making it easier for them to keep pushing forward.
“If you are honoring the change that has been made, that encourages more change” - Beth Hillman
Seth and I discuss how, as parents, our attention impacts our kids’ motivation. It’s about shifting focus to what’s working, not ignoring reality, but being more mindful. When we highlight the positive changes, no matter how small, we’re reinforcing their resilience and progress.
And remember, change takes time and practice, for both us parents and our struggling teens. Here’s to guiding them forward, one positive step at a time.
In this episode on influencing your teen toward positive change, we discuss:

• Why focusing on the positive is more effective than focusing on the negative;
• How “pointing positive” can guide teens toward what they want to achieve;
• How our attention as parents influences our teen’s motivation to change;
• Simple shifts in word choice to emphasize progress and reinforce growth;
• Why sustainable change often happens in smaller, gradual steps over time;
• And more!

Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
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And remember parents, the change begins with us.

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