Episode 4 - Crying as a tool

Mind Toolbox

In this episode we’ll be talking about a tool we've probably used before, which is crying. I know you probably don’t see it as a tool but give me a chance to change your mind.

One of the things I would like to talk about and hopefully get out of the way is the stigma about crying. For a long time seeing someone crying was like seeing weakness. Men were taught that we're not supposed to cry, and women would be seen as too fragile. I hope this is way less the case nowadays. We cry because it's a mechanism that our body has to cope with things. And it bares no weight on how we act and if we're "tough" or not. It can actually help on solving issues as we will see in a moment.

From all the things I've read I think we can safely summarize the advantages of crying as:

1 - It soothes us emotionally. After crying we release our stress hormones and toxins and we produce hormones that make us feel good. That can help us deal with problems we need to deal with or simply cope better with situations out of our control.

2 - It can help relieve physical pain for the same reason as the previous point, the release of "feel good" pain easing hormones.

3 - It can create empathy in others, and because of that we increase the chances of someone helping us in our time of need

Tool: Crying in a controlled environment

Instructions:

1 - Find a place where you're alone and you can be alone for a while without anyone disturbing you. I highly recommend the time you're taking your shower. Like I said, it cleans up your tears, has great acoustics and the sounds of the shower will muffle any crying to the outside of the bathroom (if you're not alone at home.

2 - Find in your memories things that make you very sad. If you're using this tool to cope with a circumstance that is happening right now or happened not long ago, use everything you can from memory that makes you sad about it. I believe this even helps you organise your thoughts about the issue and will have benefits in the long run.

3 - Build up the tears with all the memories. Cry the most you can as if you're trying to empty a box. Try even moaning. I know a bit of it helped me a lot. It has some sort of soothing feedback from the bathtub.

4 - Dry your tears (or wash them away) and compose yourself. Calm yourself down, forget those memories and think of very practical things you are going to do afterwards. You can also think about things you look forward to do soon, even if it's small stuff like watching a movie, having a nice dinner or playing a game. Maybe it's even a great day to order takeout from your favourite place.

5 - Notice the next few days how long it goes until you feel the need to do it again. If you're in the middle of a bad phase of your life, just do this often. As often as you feel it helps.

Links:

8 benefits of crying - https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631

The Health Benefits of Tears - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201007/the-health-benefits-tears

Hypotheses on the Development of Psychoemotional Tearing - https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1542012412701842

Is crying a self-soothing behavior? - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/