"I've made many thousands of approaches. Why do I still feel tension sometimes?"

MikeMehlman.net

Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/

Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/mikemehlman

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mike_mehlman/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mikemehlman.net

In this clip I talk about why a male who's very confident and who has made many thousands of approaches can still feel occasional tension on an approach. In other words, the male asks, "I've made many thousands of approaches. I consider myself to have an extremely high confidence level. In fact, I know I'm very confident. So why do I still feel tension sometimes. Seems weird to me." There's two main reasons: The first is, despite your high macro approach volume, your micro (i.e., daily) approach volumes have been lower lately than they should be. This is an honor system. Only you know how many approaches you've been making recently. You may have made many thousands of approaches to date, but if you genuinely reflect, you're aware you haven't been doing quite as much lately. Because if you're going out and making 50+ approaches 5+ days a week, you can bet that you will not conspicuously feel tension on your approaches. So the feeling you have can be linked to lower micro volumes. I've used the analogy before that approaching women consistently is akin to going to the gym. It doesn't matter how jacked you are because you've been lifting near-daily for years; if you stop going for three weeks (or your workouts become shorter/meager) you're going to feel a little sore when you do a legitimate session again. So tension can manifest as a result of negative flux in one's micro volumes. The second reason the male who has high macro volume may still feel tension on an occasional approach is because he's actually still pushing the boundaries of the diversity of approaches he's making. In other words, maybe you can make 50 street/station approaches on an afternoon with zero issue, and you do that quite often. But then you see a coworker in silence at work and feel a little bit of tension when wanting to ask her out. I attribute the latter scenario not to the male's fear of repercussion about approaching (i.e., "Will I get in trouble if I ask out a coworker?"), but more to the mere point that a male needs greater approach diversity. If you saw your coworker on the street, you'd approach her confidently and boldly, with zero issues. But at work, for some reason you feel tension. Recognize that tension associated with any approach can be traced back to caring about others' opinions and judgments in some form. You need "practice," essentially, with approaching more in scenarios that require shielding out others' opinions and judgments (i.e., other coworkers'; or that of people in silence on the bus/train), even if you have less experience with these types of approaches. High micro volumes (as I discussed in point #1) can function to help the male "unlock" higher tension approaches he has less experience with. If you are approaching in high volume near-daily, it will be easier to open your coworker in silence, or a girl on a crowded train in silence. So the bottom line is: If you consider yourself to have a very high confidence level but still experience tension on an occasional approach and are wondering why...

Full article: https://mikemehlman.net/2021/01/15/ive-made-many-thousands-of-approaches-why-do-i-still-feel-tension-sometimes/