#IAmJoy

Healing and Hashtags

I attended a funeral today and it was mine.
In that casket lay, not a woman, but all the brokenness I was carrying. All the shame that had held me captive, all the guilt that was holding my soul hostage. In that casket lay all the rage, the fear, the anxiety, all the wants that people did not have the capacity to give me. All the rejection, abandonment, and old stories.
In that casket lay the knowledge that I had of myself as a woman about myself, but unfortunately attached to that knowledge were false agreements with false information. False beliefs in false solutions, all of the internal struggles, the false narratives and inner stories of comparison and harsh critique that only serve to sever my soul.
Today I laid to rest all that no longer serves me. I realized that for me to live, I had to die to all of this. I had to die to the compulsory illusions that did not magnify truths but lies about me. So I grieve the loss through the shedding cry, not for me, but with me, because I had to die so that I could live and learn my full truth and embrace all that is me. I might be misshapen in some places and I'm still healing from the wounds of all that I carried. And some of those ghosts and stories from my life may try to haunt me every now and again. I'll let them come, but I'll also remind them I shall live and not die in a lie, but live in my truth as I tell myself my truth, my way for my freedom, for my healing, and for my joy today.
I am the joy I want to be. I am me.