My True Story of Coercive Control

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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QUALIFIED: How Competency Checking and Race Collide at Work with Shari Dunn | 284 33:58

4일 전33:58

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33:58

In this episode, we delve into the concept of being "qualified" in the workplace, examining who gets labeled as such, who doesn't, and the underlying reasons. We explore "competency checking"—the practice of scrutinizing individuals' abilities—and how it disproportionately affects underrepresented groups, often going unnoticed or unchallenged. Our discussion aims to redefine qualifications in a fair, equitable, and actionable manner. Our guest, Shari Dunn , is an accomplished journalist, former attorney, news anchor, CEO, university professor, and sought-after speaker. She has been recognized as Executive of the Year and a Woman of Influence, with her work appearing in Fortune Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, Ad Age, and more. Her new book, Qualified: How Competency Checking and Race Collide at Work , unpacks what it truly means to be deserving and capable—and why systemic barriers, not personal deficits, are often the real problem. Her insights challenge the narratives that hold so many of us back and offer practical solutions for building a more equitable future. Together, we can build workplaces and communities that don’t just reflect the world we live in, but the one we want to create. A world where being qualified is about recognizing the talent and potential that’s been overlooked for far too long. It’s not just about getting a seat at the table—it’s about building an entirely new table, one designed with space for all of us. Connect with Our Guest Shari Dunn Website& Book - Qualified: https://thesharidunn.com LI: https://www.linkedin.com/today/author/sharidunn TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thesharidunn Related Podcast Episodes: How To Build Emotionally Mature Leaders with Dr. Christie Smith | 272 Holding It Together: Women As America's Safety Net with Jessica Calarco | 215 How To Defy Expectations with Dr. Sunita Sah | 271 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music…

약 1년 전 44:00

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How I survived coercive control stages 1 and 2 and how I broke free. What I learned and how I grew after breaking the trauma bond. This is a special bonus content as we are moving through this series on coercive control. It is my belief that we glean a far deeper understanding from other people's lived experiences. So, I am sharing mine today. Find out why December 15, 2001 is and always will be the happiest day of my life!

https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma

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Defeating Childhood Trauma

My True Story of Coercive Control

Defeating Childhood Trauma

published 약 1년 전

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https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma

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Defeating Childhood Trauma

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What is Physical Abuse? 21:28

23일 전21:28

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21:28

Send us a text Educating and empowering both victims and survivors on physical abuse, from what it's like in its covert stage, to how it escalates. The emotional and body sensations that will clue you in on understanding you're being abused and the lasting effects physical abuse has on the victim. How do we heal from physical abuse? Find out here and let's explore this topic together! *Explicit material marked because I couldn't resist addressing the physical abuser and calling them a piece of s***. Otherwise, it's clean. Reading an excerpt from my article on covert abuse. Link here https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/covert-abuse-7-types-you-need-to-know/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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What is Mental Abuse? 21:05

30일 전21:05

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21:05

Send us a text Exploring mental abuse from covert stage, to how it escalates, and the lasting effects of this type of abuse - which is the most insidious abuse of all. Learn the basic makeup of the mental abuser and which emotions and body sensations will clue you in on knowing when you're being mentally abused. Reading an excerpt from my article, Covert Abuse: 7 Types You Need to Know. Link here. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/covert-abuse-7-types-you-need-to-know/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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What is Emotional Abuse? 17:29

5 weeks 전17:29

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17:29

Send us a text Kicking off this brand new series talking about covert abuse, how each escalates, and the lasting effects of each one. In this one we are talking about emotional abuse. The emotional abuser is self-absorbed and emotionally immature. From emotional neglect to full contempt, find out the indicators for emotional abuse and how to heal from it. Also reading an excerpt from my article on covert abuse, link here. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/covert-abuse-7-types-you-need-to-know/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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The Man Who Survived a 35 Year Abusive Marriage 43:31

6 weeks 전43:31

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43:31

Send us a text Meet Steve, a man who married a woman with borderline personality disorder and endured 35 years of abuse. He shares his story to help raise awareness on how men can also be abused. He also shares how he recovered from debilitating trauma thanks to a new treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). Find out what TMS is and how it works! Also check out Steve's TikTok where he has documented his progress from the first treatment to his thirtieth. https://www.tiktok.com/@wainwrightsteve65 https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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7 Years in Coercive Control: Interview with Advocate, Lady Storm 45:56

7 weeks 전45:56

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45:56

Send us a text Because nothing gives us a deeper understanding of...well, everything than when people share their lived experiences I invited my advocate friend, Lady Storm to share her experience of being in a coercive control relationship. Listen as she walks us through each stage that she endured and finally, how she escaped. From victim to survivor to healer. Check out her site. https://linktr.ee/ladystormhealing https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Coercive Control Stage 4: Murder, Suicide, or Soul Death 31:15

8 weeks 전31:15

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31:15

Send us a text 1) Final installment in this ongoing series that begins with reading an excerpt from my article on coercive control. Link to the full article: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 2) An excerpt from my interview with a survivor, Taylor as an example of stage 4. Link to full article: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/escaping-coercive-control-an-interview-with-a-survivor/ 3) Addressing the breakdown in communication between trauma informed psychology and the medical physicians and suggested means of bridging that gap to help victims wake up sooner and escape faster. 4) My father was a victim of coercive control. I share the story of what I grew up witnessing as my father slipped into stage 3 and then stage 4 as a means of hopefully help others. 5) Addressing the adult children of the abuser and enabler parents. Why we tend of have complicated feelings towards the enabler parent and why it's okay. 6) The three must-have tools all victims of coercive control should have after leaving the abuser to assure they won't go back. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Coercive Control Stage 3: Fear, Shame, and Destroyed Identity 28:26

9 weeks 전28:26

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28:26

Send us a text 1) Reading the next excerpt from my article. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 2) Following up with a three-paragraph reading on an interview I published with a survivor of coercive control as a perfect example of stage 3. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/escaping-coercive-control-an-interview-with-a-survivor/ 3) The five takeaways from coercive control survivor, Taylor's lived experience and what we can learn. 4) Two vocabulary words: confirmation experiences and declarative memories. How they create confirmation bias and how the vivid memories are there to help us survive impossible situations so that we know what we need to do. 5) Activated Attachment System is a fancy word for separation anxiety...on steroids. The term also comes from attachment theory and it's linked with high dopamine. How it's the culprit for why the victim has massive withdrawals from their abuser after they leave them. 6) Induced conversation, the abuser's superpower. Why any conversation with the abuser once the victim has escaped puts them at a high risk of going back to the abuser. 7) No contact and making a list. The two things most strongly recommended for any victim of coercive control as soon as they escape. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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The Science of Coercive Control 32:11

10 weeks 전32:11

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Send us a text 1) Reading the next excerpt from my article on coercive control, followed by a deep dive on what was read. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 2) Call for help, fight or flight, freeze. Introducing the brain's hierarchy in threatening situations and where in the brain the vagus nerve and the autonomic nervous system operate. 3) The body chemicals 101: How drawing or visualizing the letter M will help you understand the close connection between dopamine, cortisol, norepinephrine, endorphins, adrenaline, and then serotonin. And what's bad for dopamine will also be bad for cortisol and its counterbalance, serotonin. 4) The dopamine - norepinephrine - cortisol - serotonin - oxytocin domino effect. How these hormones work when living in abuse and how it's much to the victim's detriment. 5) Oxytocin, the so-called love hormone. Proving how it's really about social memories and that in domestic abuse it leads to both memory loss. 6) The sympathetic nerve when living in coercive control and how it "cripples" this nerve and creates brain fog. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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My True Story of Coercive Control 44:00

11 weeks 전44:00

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44:00

Send us a text How I survived coercive control stages 1 and 2 and how I broke free. What I learned and how I grew after breaking the trauma bond. This is a special bonus content as we are moving through this series on coercive control. It is my belief that we glean a far deeper understanding from other people's lived experiences. So, I am sharing mine today. Find out why December 15, 2001 is and always will be the happiest day of my life! https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Coercive Control Stage 2: Intermittent Reinforcement 20:55

11 weeks 전20:55

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20:55

Send us a text 1) Intermittent reinforcement and gaslighting. Reading a short excerpt from my article on coercive control and then taking a deep dive on what was written. How intermittent reinforcement works and how it keeps you hooked. 2) The trauma bond is a high octane and intense addiction to the abuser that we mistake for "the love we never knew it was possible to feel". What the trauma bond has in common with the substance abuser's addiction. 3) Isolation and enmeshment. How the abuser successfully keeps the victim further ensnared in a coercive control relationship by cutting off the victim's support system and then controlling and monopolizing their time. 4) Keeping the peace for the one who creates chaos. How the trauma bond is the surrendering of one's soul, life force, essence, and purpose. 5) Link to my full article on coercive control: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Coercive Control Stage 1: Love Bombing 18:56

12 weeks 전18:56

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18:56

Send us a text 1) Prequels and Epilogues. If you had an enabler parent, they likely fell victim to a coercive control relationship and never escaped. That was our prequel and how that makes us "at risk" of our prequel becoming our epilogue. 2) Reading to you a section of my article, "Coercive Control is the Reason They Can't Just Leave". A link to the full article is here: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 3) The red flags for love bombing and how abusers induce anxious attachment style and codependency in their partner to keep them hooked. 4) It isn't love. It's a trauma bond. The trauma bond hits the same body chemicals that are hit in a substance addiction and how the love bomber is like a drug dealer who is simply pushing a different substance. 5) Our toxic parents had no reason to love bomb us as children because we couldn't escape. How that makes us extra vulnerable to love bombing. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Trauma Attraction and the Chaotic Nervous System 27:07

13 weeks 전27:07

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Send us a text 1) Trauma attraction is having an attraction to those who make us feel in some way similar to how we felt when raised in an adverse home. 2) An overstimulated sympathetic nerve as the culprit and a brief science introduction. 3) Eight symptoms you may have a trauma attraction with an overstimulated sympathetic nerve making dating decisions for you. 4) Cognitive distortions and the vagus nerve. How this impacts our self-esteem and our choices in a big way. 5) Why we are vulnerable to love bombing. 6) Practices for the mind and body so that we can stop being attracted to people who are bad for us. 7) Link to this article: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/trauma-attraction-and-the-chaotic-nervous-system/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder: A Daughter's Interview 34:48

14 weeks 전34:48

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Send us a text 1) Meet Katherine, whose father has PAPD. 2) Reading the 8 criteria for PAPD with Katherine's insights and lived experiences to help us develop a deeper understanding of the criteria. 3) Discussions comparing notes on being raised by cluster B disorders and how passive-aggressive (negativistic) personality disorder acts as a parent compared to the other cluster Bs. 4) "We are not our parents and we are not at fault." Katherine shares the struggle we all feel in search of identity and self-worth as adults who were raised by cluster B disorders. 5) The importance of boundaries so that we can protect ourselves from the confirmation bias we are at risk of experiencing from other toxic people in our adult life. 6) The power of knowledge for our healing journey. Understanding terms and definitions for what happened to us, the name for what we were raised by, and what problems we are facing so that we can build a foundation for healing. 7) An open invitation for YOUR stories to be shared with me and how to contact me. Why your stories are the golden ticket to making positive changes in the world. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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The Comorbid Antisocial: 5 Types 34:39

15 weeks 전34:39

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34:39

Send us a text 1) ASPD + Schizoid PD + Avoidant PD = Nomadic. The seemingly "nice one" of the antisocial types. What is Schizoid and what is Avoidant? Cluster A and cluster C cormorbidity and how the two disorders that actively avoid society for their own reasons impact antisocial personality disorder. 2) ASPD + Paranoid PD = Malevolent. From one extreme to the other. What is paranoid personality disorder and how does it impact the paranoid sociopath? How the malevolent is most commonly found in serial killers. 3) ASPD + PAPD = Covetous. "The world owes me something" mentality which breeds extreme materialism and jealousy and greed. Using P. Diddy and Jeffrey Epstein as examples of the covetous antisocial. 4) ASPD + HPD = Risk-Taking. How the disingenuous histrionic sheds more light on the risk-taking antisocial. 5) ASPD + NPD = Reputation Defending. The one who chases alpha status in the name of "respect me!" on an extreme level. What they have in common and using Tommy DeVito's character that was played by Joe Pesci in the movie Goodfellas as the perfect example of the reputation defending antisocial. 6) Pointing out the missing information in ASPD research and going beyond the information we have today. 7) Adultery as the other motive for "making headline news" and using Scott Peterson as another example of the reputation defending antisocial who, unlike the late Tommy DeVito, can hide in plain sight. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Anti-social Personality Disorder: The 8 Criteria 25:11

16 weeks 전25:11

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Send us a text 1) The main differences between ASPD and NPD. 2) The sociopath: four key traits of antisocial personality disorder that make them so dangerous. 3) Keyword: "Anti-law, Anti-humanity" helps the criteria for anti-social personality disorder make sense. 4) How their inability to feel happiness and fear deeply might aid and abet the ASPD's aggression and impulsivity. 5) ASPD's short-sightedness and understanding the scale between hiding in plain sight to unleashing it for all the world to see. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…