How to Set Healthy Expectations to Cultivate Confidence, Self-Trust, + Growth

Beyond Your Default

"Our environment, the world in which we live and work, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations."
— Earl Nightingale

The expectations we set for ourselves not only dictate what we are able to achieve, they also impact our internal personal growth, as well as our happiness. However, there is such a thing as unhealthy expectations — and the act of setting expectations for yourself is akin to charting a course with clear markers toward success while acknowledging your limitations.

🌱 Go Deeper: Cultivating a home from within to create the home we seek without

Over the years, both George and I have learned that establishing healthy expectations that cultivate growth, self-trust, and confidence involves finding a delicate balance between ambition and reality. It's not about restraining your aspirations but about ensuring they are achievable and sustainable.

But it's also important to remember that peaks and valleys along the way, as you live out your expectations each and every day, are something we all encounter. You can't compare yourself to others, and we've both learned how important it is to focus on our own path, with clear boundaries around how much we let others influence us. Some days are better than others. Life is unpredictable, and setbacks are inevitable.

🌱 Go Deeper: Adopting an owner's mentality in your own life

Healthy expectations act as a buffer, fostering resilience and enabling you to navigate challenges with greater fortitude. But how do you create healthy expectations? How do you set yourself up for success with aspirational expectations that align with your values but don't set yourself up for failure? And how do you manage the deprogramming aspect you may need to undertake if you've struggled not to fall prey to unhealthy expectations — either self-imposed or imposed by others?

In this episode, George and I explore these questions and more. Because the expectations we set for ourselves and live by are so essential to walking the path beyond your default.

Questions We Discuss

• Why is setting expectations so important in your beyond your default journey?
• How have the expectations you've set for yourself evolved or changed over the years? Do you expect more or less of yourself? Do you simply expect differently of yourself?
• What are examples of expectations you hold for yourself now, and how did you choose them?
• What's the difference between setting healthy and unhealthy expectations?
• What are the best ways to strike a balance between the influence and input of others, and making the right choices for ourselves, when it comes to setting healthy expectations?
• What is an exercise someone can do to develop the right set of expectations for themselves that challenge them to reach without setting them up to fail?
• What do you do when you fall short of expectations? How do you get back up again?

Exercises to Set Expectations

When asked what someone can do to develop healthy expectations for themselves, George shared how important mindfulness, meditation, and journaling can be for this act of holistic self-discovery. The process for getting to know yourself should include:

• Reflect on your past experiences, because before you can determine where you want to go, you need to define clearly where you right now and how you got here.
• Align your expectations with your values and abilities, so you can root your expectations in your moral compass and your current competencies, skills, and reach.
• Be realistic and flexible, and never forget that you're human. As we talked about on a previous episode, you should revere your own humanity and be kind to yourself on this journey.
• Focus on effort, not just outcomes. Celebrate the journey you're taking, and remember showing up each and every day to try your best is a big win. Yes, outcomes matter, but so does your commitment.
• Practice self-compassion, because you will not be perfect every single day. None of us are. Sometimes you will fall down. Sometimes you will make mistakes. That's OK. Be self-compassionate and keep going.

Other Resources

• Suggestions for setting realistic expectations for yourself (Psych Central)
• How to set realistic expectations + expert recommendations (The Thirty)