303: How Validation Transforms Our Relationships, Lives, and Influence

Finding Brave

What if the key to better relationships, deeper influence, and personal growth wasn’t about fixing problems, but about acknowledging and accepting others? Today on Finding Brave, we sit down with Dr. Caroline Fleck, a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and adjunct clinical instructor at Stanford University, to explore the transformative power of validation.

Dr. Fleck is a recognized expert in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), specializing in working with high-conflict individuals and organizations. Her insights on psychology and human behavior have been featured in major outlets such as The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. Her new book, Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life, challenges conventional communication habits and offers practical tools for fostering meaningful and productive connections.

In this episode, Dr. Fleck breaks down why validation is often misunderstood and why it’s a crucial skill for improving our personal and professional relationships. She shares how it differs from agreement, fosters emotional safety, and can lead to real behavior change. Using real-life examples, she demonstrates how validation can be a game-changer in parenting, leadership, and even high-stakes corporate environments.

We also explore the science behind validation and discover how mindfulness, understanding, and empathy form the foundation of meaningful human interaction. Tuning in, you’ll learn about the eight levels of validation, common mistakes people make when trying to be supportive, and simple shifts in communication that can dramatically improve trust and influence. Whether you're tackling workplace challenges, parenting struggles, or relationship conflicts, this episode is packed with powerful, real-world strategies you can start using today!

Key Points From This Episode:

• [04:19] Why validation is not about agreement but acknowledging another’s experience
• [12:10] Acceptance as a powerful tool for change, especially in high-conflict situations.
• [14:00] Powerful validation skills that aren’t commonly taught (but should be).
• [16:36] Three key elements of validation: presence, understanding, and care.
• [22:10] How validation helped Dr. Fleck reconnect with her daughter after cancer treatment.
• [26:23] Making change easier by helping people accept their emotions as valid.
• [29:48] A CEO’s success story using validation to navigate workplace conflict.
• [36:37] Reasons that problem-solving often backfires when loved ones just want to be heard.
• [41:15] How validation fosters emotional safety and encourages open communication.

For More Information:

Dr. Caroline Fleck

Dr. Fleck’s new book Validation

Dr. Caroline Fleck on LinkedIn

Dr. Caroline Fleck on Instagram

Dr. Caroline Fleck on YouTube

Dr. Caroline Fleck on TikTok

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Quotes:

“Validation must be authentic. If it is not, then you're not validating the other person.” — Dr. Caroline Fleck [0:14:58]

“The first thing you need is mindfulness. You need to be – paying attention non-judgmentally. Through that process, you will – start to understand some part of that person's experience, be it their thoughts, emotions, or behavior.” — Dr. Caroline Fleck [0:16:02]

“Part of the reason [validation] is so transformative for folks, especially folks who have big emotions, is that it – makes it easier to work on change because you're able to accept that your emotions are valid.” — Dr. Caroline Fleck [0:28:03]

“Acceptance is a pathway to change.” — Dr. Caroline Fleck [0:30:46]

“If you open with what's valid and if you see some part of the other person, they're going to be much more open and receptive to collaborating [and] working with you.” — Dr. Caroline Fleck [0:34:04]

“Two-thirds of the time, when we go to people with our problems, we just want to be heard, see that they're valid, and [be] taken seriously.” — Dr. Caroline Fleck [0:40:58]

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