“Red One” Movie Review

Fat Guys Network

Rated PG-13
Opens: November 15, 2024
Kevin says Red One kinda sucks!

With Christmas movies in full swing this year, it’s time for one about Santa on steroids.

RED ONE takes us to the North Pole where Santa Claus is kidnapped by an evil witch bent on punishing the naughty. It’s up to Santa’s bodyguard and a notorious criminal to save him and the holiday itself.

I get what they were thinking when they made this, which was to deliver a FAST & FURIOUS version of Christmas. But they’ve stripped out all the holiday cheer and replaced it with performative masculinity and enough testosterone to kill a bull elephant.

Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans phone in their parts, cashing in on their blockbuster career highlights. And the script is loaded with Yuletide movie clichés – from the redemption of a deadbeat dad to the hyper-techno upgrades to Santa’s workshop – but none of it is presented in any coherent form.

There are a few decent moments – I’m looking at you, Krampus – but for a movie so focused on Christmas… there’s not much Christmas spirit in it.

RED ONE gets two roided-out candy canes out of five. I’m Kevin Carr, and that’s the way I see it.

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