Internally I Was Really Struggling - With Carleigh

Positively Terrible

This week's Decent Fucking Human is Carleigh. Her fucked up story is about living with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. This episode contains talk of self-harm and suicide.

Carleigh looked like a normal kid on the outside. She might have been a tad hyper, but she did alright in school and didn't have any issues making friends. Those are the things you look for, right? Any outside observer would have thought she was a normal, middle-class kid living a normal, middle-class life. And for the most part, she probably was. Lots of kids mask their depression and anxiety from their parents, but Carleigh went so far as to plan to take her own life when she was 12. What she didn't know at the time was how rare it is for a child to reach the planning stage of suicide, and that she would later be diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

This episode isn't about a child who tried to take her life, though we talked about her plan more than anything else. She never got that far because she had a buddy who turned out to be a Decent Fucking Human. This friend showed concern for her well-being, and she realize that there were people who cared about her and her continued existence amongst the living. She never got that far because somebody fucking cared. Remember to check in on your friends, please.

Carleigh's relationship with her dad was rocky, and that probably contributed to why nobody at home knew what was going on. He was a stubborn and angry man back then, and I can't imagine it was a safe place to share personal struggles and be vulnerable. She didn't say that, but I think that's just one of many reasons teenagers find themselves masking their depression at home. They want to appear normal, even though most don't feel like they are, and they don't want to upset/bother/disappoint their parents. It's easier to hide it.

Carleigh's dad was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. His mental health journey was moving full speed ahead, which was great, but she was terrified that she'd be diagnosed as well. A few years later she had her first (and only as of the time of recording) manic episode, and was self-aware enough to know what was going on and went to the hospital for help.

Carleigh has not had a repeat episode of mania, has a much better relationship with her father, and is managing her mental health without the use of pharmaceuticals. She helps others do the same as a Holistic Mental Wellness coach. Check out the free guide she's giving away over on her website, and maybe just give her a follow on the 'gram or whatever.

Episode Participants

• Hosts: Producer Dan and Terrible Scott
• Guest: Carleigh (Mental Wellness Coach)

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Creators & Guests

• Terrible Scott - Host
• Producer Dan - Host
• Carleigh - Guest