Episode 82 : Expectations Vs Standards - Let's Talk Relationships

Unexpected with Hannah Love

There are a million things I would go back and tell my younger self. But here is one I wish I had an understanding of WAY sooner than I did. Standards and expectations are two very different things. Expectations in a relationship may mean compromise, in order to grow together as a couple. Standards, on the other hand, are fundamental and unchanging. Your standards are your core beliefs. They align with who you are, (and hopefully who God says you are). They align with what you want for your life, and what you are unwilling to settle for. Never adjust your standards because a man is unable or unwilling to meet them. Expectations are negotiable. Standards aren’t. Once you are able to make the distinction between the two, then you will be setting yourself up for a happier and healthier life.

As I got to thinking about this encouragement, I decided to take it a step further and delve into the Biblical principle behind it. After all, God gave us standards for a reason. And THEN I got to thinking about how people in the Bible were also full of expectations! It’s the whole reason I even have this podcast… God loves to work outside of our expectations. Working in the unexpected. Working according to HIS standards, not our expectations of Him or how we think He should operate.

Standard: An approved model.

1. serving as a basis of weight, measure, value, comparison, or judgment.
2. of recognized excellence or established authority:

Expectation: The act of anticipating something

I’m afraid however, that culture today has pushed this idea of holding high expectations rather than high standards. The wording is close but its a few degrees off and I personally feel like can be slippery slope to use the two terms interchangably.. see, I believe expectations really boil down to putting self desires over a true standard. Of course, we don’t want to view it that way, but at the root of it… thats pretty much it.

Here’s the truth: God’s word IS the standard by which we ought to live! Maybe that sounds presumptuous but let me explain why this is the only infallible practice. This quote sums it up beautifully: “the standard of right and wrong can only come from one who is perfect — our creator, the almighty God” (bible tools.org) SO if our personal standards are aligned with God, with who He is, what He says about us, what He wants for His children, there can be no error in holding on to them. They are perfect.

I also think it’s no coincidence that John chapter 1 begins the story of creation with this: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. See, this was Jesus. He was the Word made flesh. He is the manifested Word of God in human form! He was the ultimate standard.

I’m not saying its wrong to have your own opinions or desires. Not at all! God created us with imaginations, creativity, ideas, and most importantly, free-will. It is what we choose to align our will with, however that matters.

Expectations are something people have. We set them, we create them… and we get mad if others don’t meet that personal idea.

Ask yourself if you were to write out what your standards are in a relationship, if those are the things that are core to your beliefs and what God says about you? Then ask yourself what your expectations are. I’m not saying its wrong to have them. Of course we do! We are human! But what my hope is today, is that you’ll stop long enough to hold firmly to the standard God gives us as a guide to live by. That standard will protect you from mess and mistakes. Not all of them… but certainly ones God specifically identifies in His word. Expectations are negotiable and can allow space for compromise. After all, healthy relationships must do so to grow together! However, if you’ve looked made your list of STANDARD core values and someone is unable or unwilling to meet them… it may be time to reevaluate that relationship.