Stepkid problem? Or partner problem?

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

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I found it tough to connect with my stepkid, especially in our early years. She came across as entitled. She spoke in a cutesy baby voice almost constantly. She had terrible manners, including frequently being rude to me.

I’m embarrassed to admit how long I thought this was a problem with her. It literally took years before the light dawned one day like — wait a sec. Where’s Dan in all this? Sure this kid chews with her mouth open and ignores me at her soccer games but… Dan is the one letting her get away with it.

I didn’t have a stepkid problem. I had a partner problem.

Guilt-based parenting (or rather, lack of parenting) is super common after a divorce or breakup. There are all kinds of reasons this happens, and most of those reasons actually come from a good place. Like wanting the kids to have fun when they’re with you, or not wanting to be the bad guy. Single parents often feel like their kids have it hard enough dealing with their parents’ breakup without coming down on them.

The thing is, kids actually need rules and structure to feel safe and thrive. If you’re stepparenting a stepkid who doesn’t have any of that, or if your partner agrees that their kids need that yet they aren’t stepping up themselves, please please please go check out our guide: ➡️ HOW TO ACTUALLY BLEND: THE MISSING INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR STEPCOUPLES 👀

There’s an entire section in there about why kids need parenting, and how a lack of parenting can negatively impact your family’s ability to effectively blend, as well as affecting your personal relationship with your stepkid.

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