Why High Conflict is Tearing Us Apart (And How To Sidestep the Chaos)

The Three Month Vacation Podcast

When I was 13 years old, my parents got involved in a court battle. I was past 40 when the issue was finally resolved. We don't see ourselves wanting to engage in high conflict. Yet, there seems to be no way to avoid the tectonic forces of our world. No matter where you look online or offline, someone is continuously bashing the other side. And often, that chaos spills over into our world.

Like it did with my parents. They had no intention of being sieged for over 25 years, and yet that's what happened. Tensions escalate beyond a point, original facts disappear, and conflict becomes a reality. Yet, all conflict isn't destructive.

There's a difference between High Conflict and Healthy Conflict. The dangerous kind is when it's "us" vs "them", "good" vs "evil". That kind of conflict bestows arrogance and superiority. It layers on the rage, sometimes even dread. It's a state where almost everyone loses, unlike in Healthy Conflict, where disagreement doesn't soar and serves more as a way to understand each other and improve.

"High Conflict" is a book by Amanda Ripley, which kept me reading late at night. Typically, my eyes are on self-shut mode by 10 pm (since I wake up at 4 am), but this book was fascinating. Plus, it tackles a topic that seems to swarm around us both on a personal and a societal level. Is there a way around High Conflict? That's what I set to find out.