Biden v. Trump: A Presidential Debate for the Ages

The Omaha Bugle-Global News Network

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Noted political analysts and green belt judo students Adam and Jeff compare notes on the first 2024 presidential debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. Adam managed to sit through the entire debate believing that he had stumbled onto an hour-long parody on the Comedy Channel. However, Jeff was more fortunate, having elected to go to an all-you-can eat buffet while the debate was on and thus missing the entire performance. However, both correspondents drew similar conclusions: Joe Biden was floating around in space and Donald Trump was shadow boxing and no one in the country who listened to the debate emerged the better for the experience. Biden's performance caused his loyal political allies to call for Biden to get off the ticket--which only goes to show that politicians form the most long-lasting friendships. Trump, for his part, merely had to breathe in and out steadily for an hour to cruise to an easy win. The White House blamed Biden's political advisors who had helped him prepare for the debate for his poor performance because they were apparently responsible for him rambling on incoherently and staring off into space. Biden's performance will probably not earn an Emmy but it did cause all of his potential replacement candidates such as Gavin Newsom and Kamala Harris to pinky-swear that they have absolutely no interest in Biden's job . . . until such time as they are forced to accept the job for the good of the country.