I've Always Hated Sex... Until I Learned Why

The Naked Puppet

I used to think I was broken. Magazine articles and TV shows said sex would be explosive with acrobatic pleasure and undeniable excitement! So what was I doing wrong?

I couldn't tell if I had a low sex drive, if I just hadn't found the right kink, or if maybe I wasn’t the kind of person who would ever enjoy sex. So I spent most of my sex life performing, completely dissociated and numb for the sake of a relationship... Until I learned the truth of why I've always been a Naked Puppet.

In this episode, I get brutally honest about what it felt like to go through years of trauma-disconnected intimacy, the moment I started remembering why, and how I’m beginning to reconnect to my body for the first time.

We cover:
– Why I never enjoyed sex but kept doing it anyway
– How I mistook dissociation for low libido
– What it’s like to feel nothing during intimacy
– The role trauma and nervous system shutdown played
– What “healing” sex might look like now

If you’ve ever felt disconnected during sex, wondered if you were broken, or found yourself playing a role in bed just to keep the peace... this episode will hit.

⚠️ Content warning: Includes discussions of mental health, self-harm, and sexual trauma.

챕터

1. I Was Having Sex, But I Wasn’t Really There (00:00:00)

2. Early Signs I Hated Sex (But Didn’t Know Why) (00:03:06)

3. The Rare Times Sex Actually Felt Good (00:08:24)

4. Why Long Distance Helped Me Survive Sex (00:12:00)

5. Toys, Kinks, and Trying to Fix Myself (00:15:00)

6. POPLIGHT: Celebrity PR Couples (00:20:08)

7. What Was Going Through My Head During Sex (00:28:03)

8. When Saying No Started Feeling Impossible (00:31:58)

9. The Repressed Memory That Changed Everything (00:35:45)

10. To My Younger Self: You Weren’t Broken (00:41:07)