#238 You Ask, We Answer - 39


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On the last Wednesday of every month, we answer wedding planning questions from our listeners. This month, you will hear voicemails of two listeners and 2 emails. From Groomsmen that have been at battle for 12 years to a poem a listener is offering gifting you to use to tell all of your friends that although you've chosen not to have a wedding party, they are still very important to you and included in the wedding. Listen and learn peeps!

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A voicemail from a listener who did not leave her name, but left a very special gift
This listener just has too many friends to choose a wedding party/bridesmaids. She wants all 16 friends and 3 sisters to be Included in a special way. She sent everybody a poem she wrote for them expressing the situation and how important they all are to her. She invited them all to Officially be part of "my I do crew” and sent a checklist / sign up sheet of options of things they can do to participate in the planning and wedding day.
This very generous listener wanted to share this with all other listeners, and says to please feel free to use her idea and poem for free! Thank you and please write to us to le us know who you are!

Email Question #1: Guest Book Ideas!
I have so many questions for you so I am sure this is not the only email that you will be getting from me, but I have a question about my guestbook. I just listened to your quick focus back in 2017 about the guestbook, but I need your opinion. We have an idea of ordering a vinyl record of the song that we dance our first dance to. We thought it would be cool to have our guests sign the record and have it framed and up in our future home. With that being said, i’m sure we won’t be able to read every person’s signature. Do we need a formal guest book as well as the vinyl record? We will have our guests addresses if we need them (from the invites) and we will know who ends up attending the wedding, right?

Answer to question #1:
I LOVE the record idea! It's an awesome way to incorporate your wedding into a design element in your home that truly means something you to. Well done.
I do think you should do both. Personally, at my wedding, I got a really nice hardcover book with blank large pages in it and had it out at my wedding and now, when I go through it every few years, I sometimes tear up reading things from family that has since passed away. I only wish I would have put some sort of signage that said something to the effect of "write whatever is in your heart" because some people only signed their name. An example, my grandmother who was such a HUGE influence in my life as a child. I would have loved to have seen what she would have written to me on my wedding day (The good thing is I've saved a lot of the greeting cards she's written to me over the years). So, yes do the record FOR SURE, but also have a simple book with blank pages and lots of pens and some sort of signage so they know they can take their time and write something special. Also, have that book out during cocktail reception as well as wherever dancing will take place so there are several hours of opportunity for your guests to write in it. Oh, and yes, you will have everyone's addresses already in your guest list spreadsheet, so don't worry about getting addresses.

Voicemail Question #2: My fiance does'nt know how to handle his 2 Best Men who have been in a 12 year fight.
The wedding is in October 2021. He only asked 1 of his 2 friends so far, because they’ve had a rift for the past 12 years. He wants both of them to be part of his wedding. She wants to say something and jump in, but her fiancé wants to handle it on his own, but hasn't done it yet. What should she do?

Answer to question #2:
It’s hard to know the depth of this situation. But it sounds like your fiancé does not want you to get involved, as much as we wish he would let you. How well do you know these men? If not well, it might actually be nice to have you step in as a moderator, or a third party that maybe doesn’t have any real connection to the emotional part of this.
This could the impetus to healing friendships. Like with parents, it might be important to say hey we’re adults this is important to your fiancé, can you show up to this day in a good way? Consider all the elements. Be careful. And really consider your fiancé’s ultimate wishes.

Email Question #3: Should we have a mock, 2nd ceremony?
My fiancé and I are planning our July 2021 wedding. Our ceremony will be held at a chapel and our reception will be held at an "alumni center". Both are through a local university. We have a slight problem....Our reception is allowing 50 guests, but the chapel is only allowing 40 people total inside, which includes our vendors and 2 of their staff members. We are looking at only being able to invite 32-34 people to the ceremony. We are not willing to move our ceremony since the chapel was the reason why we are having the wedding in the city that we are. We would really love to do a quick second ceremony (10 min tops) for everyone, so those who didn't get to go to our actual ceremony feel included in the day. It would be after cocktail hour
and before dinner. We just aren't sure what we should say or do for our second ceremony. We will be walking in together to signify our new marriage. No family or wedding party will be walking in. Do we do traditional vows and exchange rings again? or do something completely different? We just don't know where to start. My brother-in-law will be the "officiant/speaker" for this second ceremony. Maybe we just need a bottle of wine to spark some creativity, lol, but we are both feeling stuck.

Answer to question #3:
Many of my clients have purposely had a smaller guest count for their ceremony and a larger guest count for the reception. I know this is not what you had originally planned, but it's not an unordinary situation.
Having a quickie 2nd ceremony is doable, but I wonder if it's really necessary? I know your intention behind it is not to let anyone feel left out, and that is very thoughtful of you, but what if you just asked your immediate family and wedding party to be at the ceremony and then everyone else to be at the reception without doing the 2nd ceremony? What you could do is ask your videographer, or photographer if they are able to get some images for you from the ceremony to show in a slide show at the reception? It's something you will likely need to pay additional for, but it might be worth it.
If you do decide to have the 2nd ceremony, I like the idea of the two of you walking in together and sort of renewing those vows. Perhaps you each write something special just for the 2nd ceremony, and that way it's personalized and a bit of a surprise to each other. Maybe include your guests in the 2nd ceremony by having your BIL asking the guests if they will support this marriage, be there for the two of you when you need them, etc... Maybe your BIL actually begins the 2nd ceremony by saying "we have gathered here today to celebrate this brand new marriage..."

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