Put Yourself In Their Shoes - MAC073

Managing A Career

When it comes to dealing with people, it can be difficult when they don't share the same opinion you do as to how to handle a specific situation and that can often lead to conflict or complications. The fastest way to move past those differences and get back to moving forward is to put yourself in their shoes.

If you can understand people's thoughts and motivations it goes a long way towards formulating an argument that sways them to your side. How well can you read them? Some people will mask their true thoughts and feelings, especially when it comes to professional relationships. To really understand them you might need to rely on your observational skills and not just listen to the words that they say.

Start with how they are speaking. When someone is excited about something, even if they are trying to suppress it, they will speak slightly faster and with a higher pitch. Conversely, if they are unsure, they will slow down and be more cautious as they speak. Even their word choices can give you a clue as to their mindset. Open language will indicate a higher level of trust. Strong, clear language indicating confidence. If you find that their words are not in alignment with their body language, it becomes even more important to observe them closely.

Visually, watch their body language and look for micro expressions that may clue you in to something that they aren't saying. Whether they are smiling genuinely or politely says a lot. Is their stance closed with their arms crossed or are they open and receptive or possibly even leaning in with excitement? When you say something new, is there a flash of humor or anger in the corners of their eyes? Some of these visual cues will be easier to spot, but the more nuanced actions can be more revealing.

In general, people are not malicious in their actions, but, the actions they take may come across that way. For instance, I have seen multiple times where Person A feels like Person B is purposefully undermining the ability for Person A to perform work. But, in reality, Person B is just focused on taking steps that they think will let them reach their personal goals that they never even considered how that could impact Person A. Once Person A sat down and spoke with Person B and everyone's views were communicated, both people were able to be more productive and reach their goals quickly.

The easiest path to knowing someone's motivations is to come out and ask them. But, sometimes, you don't have that type of relationship with them and it may take a little bit of detective work. For example, how have their current projects been going recently? If positively, their mood probably reflects that. Though if they are experiencing project stress, they may be taking it out on everyone around them. The "no" to your request may be coming from this type of stress more than anything else. Looking for these types of factors can help you find the motivations of someone that you would not ask directly.

No matter how you gain the insight, how can you use this understanding to your advantage?

• When you understand someone, you can build a stronger relationship with them. Stronger relationships lead to stronger networks. And I can't stress enough how powerful a strong network can be. (https://www.managingacareer.com/29)
• If someone's actions are not in alignment with what they say, you can look towards their secret motivations for guidance on how to bring them back to alignment. Someone who accepts tasks but looks for ways to avoid them may be missing key knowledge or resources and does not want to admit that weakness. Understanding this, you can provide the tasks as well as information on how to close the resource gap so that they can be successful without looking weak.
• If you are making a proposal to someone, you can tailor your pitch accordingly based on how they feel about the idea. If someone is excited about the topic, play up the capabilities and benefits to get them more excited. If someone is unsure, focus on the approach and risk mitigation plan so that they gain some certainty.

Building these people reading skills will take practice. With all of your interactions, make notes about your observations and review those notes with your close coworkers and mentors; especially if they are involved in those same conversations. They can help you refine your deductions. Over time, this will come more naturally.

I would love to hear some stories of how this podcast has helped you in your pursuit of career advancement. Go to the ManagingACareer.com website and leave a message via the Contact form (https://www.managingacareer.com/contact/) or click the button to leave a voicemail via your computer. Tell me which episodes have had the biggest impact for you. If I get enough feedback, I'll start including them in upcoming episodes.