Race in the Swinger Lifestyle - with Jermaine Lavender

A Slut’s Guide To Happiness

Swinging, or what is often referred to as “the lifestyle”, is the cultural practice of having sex with multiple people even when in a committed relationship. A subset of ethical non-monogamy, swinging involves partners’ knowledge and consent, and can include sex clubs or parties, as well as hotwife, cuckold, and full-swap play.

Although this culture can be very sexually liberating, it also often reproduces many of the power dynamics present in dominant society. Many sex clubs are expensive and are disproportionately attended by white, middle-class couples. Cultural practices in swinging and the assumptions made about Black men can create unwelcoming dynamics.

In this episode, Jermaine Lavender, a pornstar and producer, as well as a long-time swinger, shares his experiences and perspectives as a Black man in the lifestyle.

Jermaine dive deep into racial dynamics that play out in the lifestyle. Popular tropes, like BBC and Queen of Spades, can perpetuate dehumanizing ideas about Black men. Other stereotypes pervasive in society at large, such as the dangerous or angry Black man, also influence swinger culture.

Concepts of “double consciousness” and “white fragility”, explored by racial theorists W.E.B. Du Bois and Robin DiAngelo, inform Jermaine’s message. He offer guidance to White people in ways to improve their practices, as well as offering to Black people surviving and thriving in the lifestyle.