4 Pillars of a Man’s Heart - Friend

The Men's Podcast

Today we’re wrapping up our series, “4 pillars of a man’s heart” written by Stu Weber. We’ve looked at the king pillar, warrior pillar, mentor pillar, and today we close with the friend pillar.

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G.K. Chesterton - “The only two things that can satisfy the soul are a person and a story; and even the story must be about a person.”

Weber - People connecting. And you were made for it. Yes you, man. Right there, resident in your chest, there is -

A king to provide

A warrior to protect

A mentor to teach and don’t ever forget it, a Friend to connect.

But, for some internalized reason, we men find it difficult to accept that final pillar. Most of us are happy to step into the responsibilities of a king or warrior. We might struggle with the mentor pillar, but deep down that makes sense, too. Men are supposed to know how things work, and that, too, represents strength, power, and authority. But this friend thing? We seem to hold back, reluctant to take the plunge.

• Even as I re-read this book, it was the friend pillar that I was the most reluctant to embrace. It’s the one that caused me to inwardly groan just a little bit. I felt more weight than the others.
• Why is that? We’re going to explore that today. But I think an underlying reason for me is simply selfishness.

We were created for connection

We were created for relationship and connection; relationship with our creator and relationship with others. God is a God of relationship, and we are created in his image. For many men, this is the pillar that seems the hardest to shore up.

Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings[a] in our image, to be like us.

• We were created in the image of God. Part of the image of God is that he is a God of connection. It is literally wired into us. The triune nature of God speaks to relationship between the persons of the Godhead - Father, Son, Holy Spirit. God is relationship. It is essential to his essence. It would be wrong to say God needs relationship, God doesn’t need anything, but there has never been a time when God existed outside of relationship.

Genesis 2:18 - It is not good for man to be alone.

• Immediate context is marriage, but I think there is an overarching principle here. We were created for connection.
• Think of all of the one another verses in the Bible. The commands of Jesus are to be lived out in the context of relationship.

Friendship with the King

Our relationship with those around us will always be lacking if we haven’t developed our friendship with God. Does it blow your mind that God invites you to be his friend?

John 15:15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

• A friend knows what their friend likes. Do you know what pleases Jesus?
• Are you listening to him? What kind of friendship would you have without communication? Communication is a two way street - there is listening and talking. Are you praying? In your prayer time, are you listening? Are you listening as you read his Word?

Matthew 28:18-20 Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. 19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[b] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

• Jesus gives us this command to be on mission and then he says, I will be with you always. I’m right there.
• Some of my closest friendships in high school were with teammates.

Friendship Comes at a Cost

The friend pillar is difficult because it requires unselfishness and transparency. It’s in the context of real relationships and all the messes of life that our true character is revealed. That’s frightening for most of us, and many young men, in particular, have never learned how to be a friend.

1 Samuel 18:1-4 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. 3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.

1 Samuel 20 - story of David and Jonathan

• A one sided relationship is parasitic. We can’t just be a taker.
• Sacrifice and unselfishness is key in any friendship.
• Transparency can be scary. Keeping people at a distance is a protective measure. Social media is so easy to edit/manage to make sure we’re projecting the image we want to project. It is a cheap substitute for real relationship.

Close

Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT: A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

• Develop and pursue our friendship with Jesus and develop friendships with at least 2 to 3 other men.