Rising from a Challenging Childhood to a Journey of Healing with Kelly Fife

Yuliana Kim-Grant's Phoenix Tales

On this episode of Phoenix Tales, Yuliana welcomes Kelly Fife, a psychologist in the public school system who hopes to help children who grow up with troubling family situations. She opens the episode by describing the moment her father suggested that she attend her first Al-Anon meeting. Growing up with parents who abused alcohol, she notes that the chaotic nature of her household led her to strive for constant perfection. She recalls that, as a child, she always knew that something wasn’t right, and it took her quite a while to mourn the loss of a normal childhood. Currently Kelly finds herself in a good place and her relationship with her parents has taken a turn for the better.

She acknowledges the importance of acceptance and detachment, especially as it relates to her mother’s current drinking habits, and how she and her father are now able to have open and honest conversations that really help her heal. As Kelly embarks on her own spiritual healing journey, she feels all the more connected to her work with children and other women. She closes out the episode by explaining that she wishes she could be the mentor she needed as a young girl for other children.

Episode Highlights:

• Her parents’ abusive relationship with alcohol
• Kelly’s lack of trust
• Al-Anon’s structure
• Her father’s sobriety and how that impacted his parenting
• The importance of acceptance and detachment
• Her work as a school psychologist
• The importance of being a mentor to young children who grew up like her.
• ‘Bluebird’ by Miranda Lambert

Quotes:

“When the fighting didn't stop, when the house was chaotic, I think I turned to that perfectionism in my head as a coping mechanism.”

“The topic of the meeting was about trust, and the woman who was speaking about trust, I don't remember what she said, however I remember that I was fighting back tears the entire time she was talking, because I realized I did not trust anyone.”

“Al-Anon empowered me to take an honest look in the mirror and realize that, yes, although these things were out of my control, I can take control back over my life–by healing these things that were learned in childhood, I had to do a lot of unlearning.”

“As I look back, I intuitively always knew something wasn't quite right. I never knew what it was, you know, until I got into Al-Anon, but I just always knew something wasn't quite right and that life didn't always have to be this way.”

“I was angry that I felt at the time, you know, my parents really let me down. And I felt like I was robbed.”

“I'm very fortunate in that I did grow up in a loving home. I grew up in a challenging and chaotic home as well. For my story, both are true. I chose to take a journey of healing, instead of continuing to sweep it under the rug.”

“As I've delved more into my spiritual journey and my healing journey, I've wanted to pivot more into that emotional, spiritual, body, mind healing–working with other women who grew up in a home like me.”

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Kelly Fife on Instagram: @Innerlotus_rising