Ruud Kleinpaste: Mighty mites and garden pains

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Standup Comedy "Your Host and MC"

1
Mack Dryden "Dentist Visit" Bonus Show #119 7:46

11일 전7:46

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7:46

Send us a text On this very funny short Bonus Show, standup comic Mack Dryden shares his story about going to the Dentist...you'll never believe what happens...Hilarious! Look for Mack Dryden's "NEW" Dry Bar Comedy Special... Please Listen, Enjoy, and Share where you can...Thanks!! Support the show Standup Comedy Podcast Network.co www.StandupComedyPodcastNetwork.com Free APP on all Apple & Android phones....check it out, podcast, jokes, blogs, and More! For short-form standup comedy sets, listen to: "Comedy Appeteasers" , available on all platforms. New YouTube site: https://www.youtube.com/@standupcomedyyourhostandmc/videos Videos of comics live on stage from back in the day. Please Write a Review: in-depth walk-through for leaving a review. Interested in Standup Comedy? Check out my books on Amazon... "20 Questions Answered about Being a Standup Comic" "Be a Standup Comic...or just look like one"…

약 1년 전 3:42

MP3•에피소드 홈

The tiniest critters can be the biggest pain in the you-know-what when it comes to your body and your garden. The mere fact that they are sooo small does not help to discover them in time.

That kind of goes for most of the members of the Order ACARI – a huge range of critters such as Bird mites, Follicle mites (we all have them in our eyelashes), chiggers, scabies mites, ticks and —of course— plant mites.

A week or two ago I discovered the very first Acari on Julie’s Frangipani bush in the glasshouse. Just a few innocent little acari, known as two-spotted spider mites with the elegant scientific name of Tetranychus urticae.

Literally a couple of days ago I discovered this:

Massive “spider webs” made from the smallest and softest silk on the planet. All strands very close together, keeping the inhabitants safe from whatever may be mite predators.

Spider mites are often a real pain in the warmer areas of the garden – especially the glasshouse, tunnel house, and very sheltered areas with warm sunlight. Their trouble-making is very simple: damage the tiny cells on leaves by rasping, and remove the moisture inside those plant cells.

That leaves the cells without their contents, and they simply dry out.

The most important stuff they grab is the green chlorophyll that’s inside those cells; those cells will be filled with air, thereby becoming bleached, light yellow and grey.

Spider mites use the massive silken constructions as easy runways to get from leaf to leaf and partner to partner.

Their numbers increase rapidly, and the damage follows…

Once you have had a close look at the leaves, the silk and the runways, you’ll find the little scrapers: 4 pairs of legs, a few dots on their body, and some movement.

Once you spot them it pays to have a go at controlling these vast colonies before they really cause severe damage.

Organic control can be achieved via Yates’ fatty acid spray (NatraSoap). That stuff works on tiny critters with a sensitive skin. An alternative: Neem Oil or Conqueror Oil.

Repeat sprays are recommended to catch the tiny babies after they come out of their eggs.

Biological Control is another way to reduce the population.

Phytoseiulus persimilis is available from BioForce Ltd, who sells the product Mite-E™. It’s a parasitic mite that eats the eggs of the spider mites and even the juveniles and adults of that pest.

LISTEN ABOVE

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

2772 에피소드

#Society #Cinema #NZME #Newstalk ZB #News #Book Review

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

Ruud Kleinpaste: Mighty mites and garden pains

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

published 약 1년 전

MP3•에피소드 홈

The tiniest critters can be the biggest pain in the you-know-what when it comes to your body and your garden. The mere fact that they are sooo small does not help to discover them in time.

Literally a couple of days ago I discovered this:

Massive “spider webs” made from the smallest and softest silk on the planet. All strands very close together, keeping the inhabitants safe from whatever may be mite predators.

That leaves the cells without their contents, and they simply dry out.

The most important stuff they grab is the green chlorophyll that’s inside those cells; those cells will be filled with air, thereby becoming bleached, light yellow and grey.

Spider mites use the massive silken constructions as easy runways to get from leaf to leaf and partner to partner.

Their numbers increase rapidly, and the damage follows…

Once you have had a close look at the leaves, the silk and the runways, you’ll find the little scrapers: 4 pairs of legs, a few dots on their body, and some movement.

Once you spot them it pays to have a go at controlling these vast colonies before they really cause severe damage.

Organic control can be achieved via Yates’ fatty acid spray (NatraSoap). That stuff works on tiny critters with a sensitive skin. An alternative: Neem Oil or Conqueror Oil.

Repeat sprays are recommended to catch the tiny babies after they come out of their eggs.

Biological Control is another way to reduce the population.

Phytoseiulus persimilis is available from BioForce Ltd, who sells the product Mite-E™. It’s a parasitic mite that eats the eggs of the spider mites and even the juveniles and adults of that pest.

LISTEN ABOVE

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

2772 에피소드

#Society #Cinema #NZME #Newstalk ZB #News #Book Review

모든 에피소드

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Full Show Podcast: 08 March 2025 1:57:07

2일 전1:57:07

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리스트

1:57:07

On the Saturday Morning with Jack Tame Full Show Podcast for Saturday 8 March 2025, kiwi art legend Dick Frizzell shares his journey from Mickey to Tiki and back again, discussing his new memoir. Jack admits a new fixation. It's the season for sauces, chutneys and jams! Expert chef Nici Wickes talks all things bottling and jarring and a how-to for the perfect pear and sultana chutney. AI is advancing quickly and coming with a crazy cost - Paul Stenhouse gives the lowdown/. Plus, sustainable queen Kate Hall has done the digging for us and reveals what's cheaper for fresh produce, the supermarket or local fruit and veg boxes? Get the Saturday Morning with Jack Tame Full Show Podcast every Saturday on iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Dick Frizzell: Iconic Kiwi artist on his upcoming memoir 15:38

2일 전15:38

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15:38

World famous in New Zealand, Dick Frizzell is a defining force in our art scene. You will know his work on Kiwiana icons like the Four Square man with moko and Mickey to Tiki. He has worked across many mediums and is about to release a memoir titled, Hastings: A Boy’s Own Adventure. Dick Frizzell joins Jack Tame to discuss his iconic work and upcoming book. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Estelle Clifford: Lady Gaga – Mayhem 6:15

2일 전6:15

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6:15

Reviewers are saying Lady Gaga has dialed back to her purest form in new album ‘Mayhem’. The singer is drawing on the simplicity of her 2008 debut ‘The Fame’ that played with the idea of pop music. Estelle Clifford talks to Jack Tame about the new album. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Catherine Raynes: Dreamcount and Presumed Guilty 3:44

2일 전3:44

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3:44

Dreamcount by Chiamanda Ngozi Adichie From award-winning author of Americanah and We Should All Be Feminists. Chiamaka is a Nigerian travel writer living in America. Alone in the midst of the pandemic, she recalls her past lovers and grapples with her choices and regrets. Zikora, her best friend, is a lawyer who has been successful at everything until — betrayed and brokenhearted — she must turn to the person she thought she needed least. Omelogor, Chiamaka’s bold, outspoken cousin, is a financial powerhouse in Nigeria who begins to question how well she knows herself. And Kadiatou, Chiamaka’s housekeeper, is proudly raising her daughter in America – but faces an unthinkable hardship that threatens all she has worked to achieve. In Dream Count, Adichie trains her fierce eye on these women in a sparkling, transcendent novel that takes up the very nature of love itself. Presumed Guilty by Scott Turow New from the author of Presumed Innocent, the #1 bestseller that redefined the legal thriller and is the basis for Apple TV+'s most-watched drama series ever (starring Jake Gyllenhaal). In Presumed Guilty, Rusty is a retired judge attempting a third act in life with a loving soon-to-be wife, Bea, with whom he shares both a restful home on an idyllic lake in the rural Midwest and a plaintive hope that this marriage will be his best, and his last. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Mike Yardley: Autumn alpine frolics in Ruapehu 7:36

2일 전7:36

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7:36

The wondrous Ruapehu region never ceases to amaze me at its capacity to stir all senses, from its expansive platter of leisurely outdoorsy pursuits. It easily ranks as one of my all-time favourite playgrounds in New Zealand and I have revelled in its glories via a multitude of modes in recent years. I have savoured exceptional mountain bike trails, jet boating, quad biking and world-class hiking. Not to mention skiing. But in the autumn months, why not head to the heart of Tongariro National Park and take a ride to the summit of Ruapehu from Whakapapa village? The radiant Sky Waka, New Zealand’s longest gondola ride, fully warrants the stature as a signature Kiwi experience. I’ve always been in awe of the alpine engineering audacity of the Swiss – and the Sky Waka absolutely projects that same sense of spine-tingling prowess. Spanning 1.8km from the base station and zipping you up 390m, Whakapapa’s dramatically serrated volcanic landscape sweeps you up, as you gawp in wonder out of the glasshouse-like cabin, luxuriously appointed with heated leather seating! Situated at 2,020m above sea level, the cherry on top is Whakapapa Ski Area's Knoll Ridge Chalet which is New Zealand’s highest café. As you gush superlatives over the horizon-searching views, it’s a novel perch to enjoy coffee from Pātaka, drinks in The Back Bar, or nosh in style while marvelling at the skyline from Knoll Ridge’s giant floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking The Pinnacles. I highly recommend “Tea at 2020m”, Whakapapa’s stirring take on traditional high tea. It’s actually considered the highest high tea on the planet, with a delectable tiered stand of sandwiches, savouries and cakes to work your way through. It’s currently available until the end of April, prior to the mountain’s seasonal switch to winter activities. After feasting on far too many tasty morsels, the mountain trails were calling. There are over 10km of marked trails to strike out on, ranging from 20 minute strolls to 3 hours return alpine hikes. Without its snow-coat, it’s a compelling way to admire the dramatic terrain and its mash-up of volcanic rock, pumice, scoria and sand. Close to Chateau Tongariro, there’s a stack of tasty wee tracks. The Tawhai Falls walk is a heart-stealer, leading you through mountain toatoa and beech forest to a waterfall tumbling over the edge of an ancient lava flow. It’s one of two waterfalls used in Lord of the Rings that depicted Gollum fishing, hence its nickname is Gollum’s Pool. (Mangawhero Falls, very close to Waitonga Falls, is the other location that was cast as Gollum’s Pool.) It was sad to see the sorry sight of the moth-balled Chateau Tongariro, although the local rumour mill suggests a wealthy Irish businessman is a hot prospect to breathe new life into the grand lady. Just behind the Chateau, Taranaki Falls is a return walk for even grander waterworks. Passing through a mix of tussock, alpine shrublands and beech forest, the track wraps around the lower slopes of Ruapehu, with vintage views of Ngauruhoe’s symmetrical cone. A flock of native birds, including whiteheads and grey warblers, serenaded my stroll all the way to Taranaki Falls, tumbling 20 metres over the edge of a large andesite lava flow which erupted from Ruapehu 15,000 years ago. If you’re up for a half-day advanced hike, I definitely recommend the Tupapakura Falls walk. It starts just out of National Park village, on Fishers Road. The track has been upgraded by the local community in partnership with the Department of Conservation. It begins with an easy 20 minute walk to the Taranaki Lookout, serving up panoramic wide-range perspectives of Mt Taranaki and Mt Ruapehu. Beyond this point, the trail becomes a back country adventure track, which will test your stamina in the Erua Forest. The track follows a ridge and then descends steeply to a stream. There are good stands of tawa, mature rimu, miro and totara to see along the way. Climbing from the stream, the track winds its way around bluffs to a sparkling lookout point with views of the long-drop falls. You’ll need at least four hours to knock off this 11km long track. Refuel? Reward yourself with a thirst-quencher at Schnapps Bar & Restaurant in National Park Village. Heading south? Synonymous with Ohakune as much as carrots, the famed main-street Chocolate Éclair Shop is worth the trip alone. Sinking your teeth into one of their celebrated giant cream-filled, chocolate-topped pastries is one of life’s great pleasures. Just north of town, a curious diversion is Horopito Motors. It’s featured in two classic Kiwi flicks, Smash Palace and Goodbye Pork Pie. Nicknamed Smash Palace, for a gold coin donation, you can see some film memorabilia and have a look around the yard. It’s quite a yard – more like a vast car graveyard because Smash Palace are the biggest vintage car dismantlers in Australasia. It’s like an enormous op-shop for old cars. They sell parts around the world for cars made between the 1920s-1970s and also for some early models that were built before WW1. The on-site museum also includes owner Colin Fredricksen's favourite car restorations on display. Back in my Ezi Car Rental vehicle, I was bound for Taumarunui, but I also enjoyed a short layover in the pint-sized village of Owhango, to reacquaint myself with Ohinetonga Scenic Reserve. Just over a decade ago a group of passionate local residents banded together to bring the birdlife back to this unlogged native podocarp forest, mercifully spared from the ravages of historic milling. This glorious slice of wilderness is on the boundary of Tongariro Forest Park and is now one of our national kiwi sanctuaries. It’s also home to a vast flock native bird species including the whio (blue duck), dabchick, whitehead, North Island robin and kereru. Take a stroll on the 3.8km loop track around the reserve for some seriously soothing forest-bathing. I gave a massive 600 year old totara tree a fresh hug, after first marvelling over this mighty specimen four years ago. Yes, I’m still a happy little tree-hugger. I romped my way around the Ruapehu region in a trusty hybrid Ford Puma, courtesy of Ezi Car Rental. I thoroughly enjoyed the Ezi experience, where excellent vehicles, super sharp prices and fast & friendly service are all part of the package. Ezi Car Rental operates an extensive network from 24 locations across the country. They’re everywhere you want to be with vehicles to suit your specific needs. Head to www.ezicarrental.co.nz The drama and grandeur of Ruapehu is power-packed as a year-round wonderland for outdoorsy adventure. Crowned by the triple volcanoes of the central plateau and the majestic Tongariro National Park, make tracks to the wide open spaces and hospitality charms of Ruapehu. www.visitruapehu.com Mike Yardley is our Travel Correspondent on Jack Tame Saturday Mornings. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Ruud Kleinpaste: Perennial troubles 7:12

2일 전7:12

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리스트

7:12

This last summer has seen a number of ZB talkback listeners complaining about scarlet runner beans mis-behaving. Two main types of troubles were reported: 1) suddenly no more bean pods were growing despite the plant getting to its normal height. 2) At the start of harvesting mature beans, the leaves begin to turn yellow – going down and down. Scarlet Runner Beans originate from Central America and t hey like well-drained soil (loam) in a sunny spot. Plant the seeds under a tall support to allow the plants grow up and up, t he root systems will survive the winter for next year’s crop. They are perennials !! These beans are Nitrogen Fixers. They d on’t need much Nitrogen (they make their own), but love Potash and Phosphate. They are long-Season growers with red flowers, pollinated by bees and bumblebees. Harvest the mature pods regularly and watering regularly to prevent them from drying out (not toooo wet, please!) What could cause the sudden troubles with the formation of bean pods? Lack of Pollination (not enough pollinators); Hot weather, especially when that happens at night – lack of water would make that worse. Bees sometimes “rob” the nectar from flowers by chewing them open. Leaving pods on the plant too long may reduce future seed production. I decided to contact my old friend and DSIR colleague from way back: Dr Keith Hammett, a well-known plant breeder and famous for creating amazing new varieties of sweet peas and… Dahlias (also a perennial plant!) He came up with some great stories and a possible solution to the yellowing and ill-thrift of Scarlet runners: In the UK these climbing beans were grown as annuals : plant new seeds every spring. If you’d leave the tubers in the soil they were more than likely killed by frost. (“as would Dahlias” said Keith) In New Zealand’s warmer climate zones we can keep the tubers in the soil, so they will be able to successfully over-winter (they behave like Perennials). Interestingly, the perennial scarlet runners produce beans a little earlier than the sown scarlet runners. The comparison of Beans with Dahlias is quite interesting: We can leave Dahlia tubers in the soil for several growing seasons, but the performance of the older, perennial plants falls away. It is the build-up of previous year’s growth that tends to choke the plants. Top Dahlia exhibitors would only ever grow plants grown from cuttings; “Youthful tissue and all that… with no old stuff in the way” Keith has three tripods of Scarlet Runners (third season) on the go in his garden. One of them is showing those debilitating features with yellowing leaves…. He attributes that to stress and an old tuber giving up the ghost For what it’s worth… maybe a good idea to sow new seeds in spring? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Kate Hall: Are local fruit and vegetable boxes cheaper than the supermarket? 6:56

2일 전6:56

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6:56

Locally grown fruit and vegetable boxes are often seen as the more expensive option as opposed to buying produce from the supermarket. Sustainability expert Kate Hall is setting the record straight and debunking that myth. Kate tells Jack Tame buying non-organic produce from the supermarket would have cost her $22.13 more than getting an organic fruit and veggie box delivered right to her door. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Bob Campbell: Rimapere 2022 Baron Edmonde de Rothschild Plot 101 Sauvignon Blanc $45 4:01

2일 전4:01

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리스트

4:01

Rimapere 2022 Baron Edmonde de Rothschild Plot 101 Sauvignon Blanc $45 Why I chose it: Kiwi wine with a French accent Owned by the prestigious French wine group “Baron Edmonde de Rothschild” Sauvignon blancdoesn’t get much better than this”. Bottle age has mellowed the wine and added complex flavours. Prestige label “Plot 101” What does it taste like? Hand-picked, aged on lees and with 50% fermented in barrels to give the wine a rich texture while retaining a strong fruit emphasis. Serious, complex sauvignon. Why it’s a bargain: It’s not cheap but it is very good, which in my book makes it a good value wine. Where can you buy it? Glengarry Wines. Auckland $37.99. Food match? Most seafood dishes, my favourite is green-lipped mussel fritters. Will it keep? Good drinking now, should get even more interesting over the next 2-3 years. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Paul Stenhouse: ChatGPT can now code for you 3:51

2일 전3:51

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리스트

3:51

One of the founders of Google has a new Company Surprise, surprise it's involving AI. But it's not trying to help you in your digital life - instead it's designed to create physical products and send them for manufacturing. The goal is to make the products 'highly optimized' for efficient creation in the factory. It's a small team at the moment, with no web presence. ChatGPT can now code for you If you've got a Mac, the ChatGPT app now has the ability to connect to your developer tools, read existing code, and even make edits for you on "auto-apply" mode. There have been other tools that have offered this type of service, but it shows that ChatGPT wants to be the go-to app to get things done. This new “work with apps” feature effectively takes over control of an app for you, suggesting it could possibly start doing things for you across systems. Would you pay $240,000 a year for an AI agent? Reports suggest ChatGPT is looking to go 'Pro Max Plus'.. whatever the term would be.. for a highly specialized AI agent they say is designed to assist with PhD research. They're also looking at agents to replace “high-income knowledge workers” for $2,000 a month, and a software developer agent for $10,000 a month. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

1
Tara Ward: Secrets at Red Rocks, Dope Girls, Protection 5:15

2일 전5:15

나중에 재생

리스트

5:15

Secrets at Red Rocks - (Neon, Sky Open from March 9) Based on the award-winning novel by Rachael King, this family-friendly local drama tells the story of 12 year-old Jake, who discovers a sealskin in Wellington and unleashes mythical creatures and dangers. Dope Girls - (TVNZ+) In London's murky underworld, a widowed single mother builds a nightclub and cocaine empire to support her family, soon becoming the most dangerous woman in a city shaken by war. Protection - (TVNZ+) Siobhan Finneran (Happy Valley) stars in this British drama as a witness protection officer who must answers questions after a shooting at a safe house. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Nici Wickes: Pear & Sultana Chutney 5:59

2일 전5:59

나중에 재생

리스트

5:59

Preserving Time! Pear Chutney is just divine and we can have a general chat about preserving, noting that this is the season for making sauces, chutneys and jams, as well as bottling and freezing fruit and veges too. Pear & Sultana Chutney This is a great all round chutney that is just as perfect with cheese and crackers as it is on roasted meats or vegetables. Pear & Sultana Chutney This is a great all round chutney that is just as perfect with cheese and crackers as it is on roasted meats or vegetables. Ingredients: 1 large onion, chopped finely 1kg chopped pears, not too ripe 2 apples, chopped 250g brown sugar 200g sultanas, feel free to go half n half currants/sultanas 300mls apple cider vinegar 1 tsp fennel seeds 1 tsp all spice 1 tspsalt ½ tsp freshly ground black pepper Method: Slowly bring all of the ingredients to a boil in a saucepan. Reduce the heat and let it happily simmer away for 1-1.5 hours until the onions and pears are truly softened. Mash or beat with an egg beater until it’s a little pulpy. Heat 4-5 medium jars in a 150 C oven for 10 minutes to sterilise. Pour boiling water over the lids to sterilise. Spoon the hot chutney into the hot jars. Run a knife around the inside of each filled jar to tease any air bubbles out. Wipe the rims clean and place the lids on tightly. Wipe the jars clean and cool before storing in a cupboard for 3 weeks minimum. This chutney will keep for at least 12 months. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Francesca Rudkin: Mickey 17 and Spit 8:01

2일 전8:01

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8:01

Mickey 17 - ( in cinemas ) Starring Robert Pattinson. Directed by Bong Joon-ho of Parasite & Snowpiercer. A disposable employee is sent on a human expedition to colonize the ice world Niflheim. After one iteration dies, a new body is regenerated with most of his memories intact. Spit - ( in cinemas ) David Wenham returns as John “Spit” Spitieri, the iconic crim of Australian cinema, in this sequel to Gettin' Square. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

1
Andrew Saville: Sports Reporter on Blues loss, America’s Cup potential in New Zealand 6:58

2일 전6:58

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리스트

6:58

The Blues lost by one point to the Canberra Brumbies last night at Eden Park. The match is the first time the Australian’s have beat the Blues at home since 2013. Beauden Barrett left the pitch at half time with a hand injury. Andrew Saville talks to Jack Tame about the Super Rugby match and the potential of America’s Cup returning to New Zealand. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

1
Kevin Milne: Polls find a significant number of Kiwis support Trump 7:37

2일 전7:37

나중에 재생

리스트

7:37

Donald Trump has consistently been in the news since he began his second term as US President. This week he has clashed with Elon Musk, paused tariffs on Mexico and Canada, threatened new tariffs on Canada, and spoken on behalf of Putin for the war in Ukraine. But what do Kiwi’s think of the President? Kevin Milne says a quarter of New Zealanders would have voted for Trump. LISTEN ABOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

Saturday Morning with Jack Tame

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Jack Tame: While your share in your child’s discomfort you also share in their almighty relief 4:38

2일 전4:38

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4:38

Gas. I think of all the things I knew (in theory) about parenting a new-born but had to experience in person to fully appreciate, it is the myriad curiosities of a two-and-a-half-week-old’s digestive tract that have left me the most befuddled. I knew in theory that babies had to be burped. I knew in theory they often have problems and discomfort when digesting their latest feeds. I knew in theory that a baby with gas or an obstruction somewhere in his gut might even wake himself up. I guess I’m just shocked at the speed with which I’ve transformed into one of those parents totally obsessed with his baby son’s belches and bowels. It’s the pain, that does it. When something’s trapped somewhere deep, the way his little face scrunches up and contorts, how he writhes and twists and clenches every muscle in his body. Often I’m holding him and he’s holding me, his tiny little hand gripping my index finger as he clenches, his fingers white and his face a crimson red with the strain and effort. Before you ask, yes, I have tried various techniques for getting things moving at both ends. In fact, my social media feed these days seems to be nothing but baby osteopaths folding infants in half. There’s the classic baby-over the shoulder, pat on the back. There’s the stomach massage, the bicycle legs, and the deep squat. There’s the baby over the forearm, neck-supported facing out, and the baby-over-the-forearm, neck-supported facing in. My personal favourite is the wiggle-waggle, where you lift him under his armpits with one hand, and take his weight under his butt with the other. You gently move your hands in different directions to bring a range of movement to his digestive track, in the hope you will be rewarded with a range of movements in return. I knew we’d have disrupted sleep. I just never really accounted for the gas part of being up at night. His mum feeds him – not much I can do there – but the of course, one of us has to sit up imbed for a non-specific amount of time... just waiting. You can never be totally sure he’s been fully burped. There’s no finish line as it were. It’s a judgement call. And at 2.53am when your body is urging you to lie-down and go back to sleep (“Look at him, he seems fiiine”) – you know that if you pull the trigger too early, he’ll be waking himself up in twenty minutes, twisting and groaning in bed. When you think about it, it’s pretty crazy that new-borns go from relying on the placenta for all their nutrients to instantly switching on the full length of the complex human digestive tract. It’s not like they ease into it. Alas, as our son’s milk intake has increased, his digestive tract has not quite kept pace. Put simply, the outputs don’t always match the inputs. It’s perfectly normal, of course, and he’s far too young to be hurrying up with a tray of black coffee and prune juice, but sometimes his stomach feels hard to the touch. Cruelly, his preferred way of soothing his discomfort is to feed again, which then exacerbates the problem. At 19-days-old he’s not yet ready to listen to reason or comprehend the concept of a vicious cycle. I’m back in the office fulltime this week after a wonderful period at home. But I can tell you already that my texts with my wife are gonna’ take on a grimly digestive line of inquiry. The thing about parenting is that while your share in your child’s discomfort you also share in their almighty relief. Especially when someone else is on clean-up. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

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