REPUBLISHED Ep86 Difficult Conversations—Scott Dutton

Manage Self, Lead Others: Emotional Intelligence and Leadership for Managers

Scott Dutton is the Conflict Whisperer; a global expert on difficult conversations, Conflict intelligence®, mediation, emotional intelligence and workplace culture. As a professional speaker he's known as the fun-maker and spoken to over 25,000 professionals as a speaker or facilitator.

Q. What makes a culture unravel? What toxic behavior is most prevalent?

Where there's an us-and-them culture, where it gets very much management vs. staff, where people do not feel comfortable or safe to have those difficult conversations. Teams need to have a model on how to have those difficult conversations. one I use is based on a Harvard model; start by asking questions to understand.

A trap in difficult conversations is if they start provoking the other person and put them on the back foot then - you get defensiveness.

It's being mindful about how you start, and also your tone and body language and how that comes across; all those things play a part in whether that conversation is going to go well or not.

The purpose initially is to understand each other before starting to look at solutions. It's going in open, curious, trying to understand the other, them understanding you, and then we find a way forward. If everyone has a model like that it makes it easier.

“Calling it out” is when you see something inappropriate, you go, 'Hey, hang on there, I'm uncomfortable with that." You make it clear.

“Calling it in” is more subtle. What it is, I might see you raise an eye at someone in the meeting, or do something more subtle and I might say, “I just wondered, in the meeting I saw you make an interesting facial expression when Mary was talking. I'm just wondering what was going on for you there?"

I'm not coming in with judgment. I'm coming in with a soft curiosity and saying, "Hey what's going on there? I saw that."

CONTACT Scott Dutton

go to: https://fightingfair.com.au/ [email protected]

[email protected]

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