06: An Evolved African Man’s Take on Matrimony - With Edmund Ade

Living African

This week, we talk about an evolved African man’s outlook on matrimony. Of course, this isn’t to say that all African men think this way, but to encourage them to work hard at personal development to a point of changing the common narrative about marriage, which is typically built on patriarchal principles.

African men often do not get vulnerable, so it is pretty refreshing to have this conversation with one of our own! Nonetheless, this message is directed to every man from every race. Vulnerability is power and I hope we see that through the words of our guest this week.

Meet Our Guest:

Edmund Ade is a Certified Financial Planner and member of the Financial Planning Institute of South Africa. He currently runs a financial planning and private wealth management practice at Nedbank Private Wealth South Africa. Edmund is also an independent corporate finance adviser, advising and executing capital raising mandates, and an entrepreneur/investor with interests in several start-ups in agribusiness, fintech, healthcare, real estate, procurement & distribution.

Contact Edmund:

65 Satara Avenue, Gallo Manor, Sandton, South Africa

Cell [phone]

Email: [e-mail]

Things You Will Learn in This Episode:

[00:01 – 03:00] Introduction

• Introducing our guest - Edmund Ade

[03:00 – 20:00] A Long-distance Relationship that Ultimately Led to Marriage

• Reconnecting with his ex-wife (then girlfriend) while in the UK for education.
• Starting a long-distance relationship
• Relocating from the UK to be with her in South Africa after their marriage
• The start of something beautiful
• Challenging some stereotypes he faced for moving to South Africa

[20:00 – 45:00] Marital Challenges

• Moments he second-guessed himself
• Starting a business that didn’t meet expectations early enough
• How poor communication affected his marriage
• The separation and moving to a new country
• The need for therapy and counseling

[45:00 – 1:10:00] The Divorce & Its Aftermath

• The divorce proceedings and custody
• Dealing with the stereotypes that come with being a divorcee
• How education and training as a social researcher helped him go through the divorce

[1:10:00 – 1:26:00] Lessons

• Learning how to communicate
• The need to check our mental health before going into a marriage
• Things Edmund will do differently if he should marry again
• Edmund’s final words
• Anyoh's final words

Tweetable Quotes

“I feel like our community does not understand what it means that personal growth. Personal growth involves so many different things and it needs to be deliberate. Thus, being deliberate about seeking counsel when you need to, seeking a mentor when you need to, talking to a lot of people, and doing a lot of reading. Thankfully, there's a lot of resources on the internet, so read about human psychology and understand things like empathy.” - Edmund Ade

“One of the things that I've learned which I think we must start to normalize as a society is the whole idea of mental health and emotional maturity, because these are important to know how humans interact with each other. So, people need to find ways to do some kind of mental health check because we do a lot of other [medical] checks, so why not a mental health check?.” - Edmund Ade

“There are certain mindsets with which we get into relationships, and they ultimately create dysfunctional relationships. I think our way of growing up or upbringing doesn't give us the opportunities to be better human beings and to be able to relate better. I think we brushed a lot of things under the carpet because of so many different kinds of stereotypes. So today, I'm hoping to maybe challenge some of those mindsets and ultimately be able to get people to think about a few things which will challenge/change their mindsets, or at least force them to question some things before they get into marriage.” - Edmund Ade

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Connect with Living African Podcast:

You can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or Twitter, or send us an email at [e-mail]. Check out our website www.livingafricanpodcast.com for more resources and to learn more.

Connect with host, Anyoh:

You can connect with Anyoh on Facebook (@anyohf), Instagram (@anyohfombad), and Twitter (@anyohfombad).