A View Of Fatherhood From A Generation Away

Leaning Toward Wisdom

Geoffrey (my dad) and me I wrote down the title of today's episode on November 22, 2014 at 11:31pm. But that was then, this is now. It's getting hot here in Dallas. About a week away from Thanksgiving in 2014. The beginning of the holiday season. Here in America the annual "holiday season" kicks off, literally on Thanksgiving week. Families will gather around big tables filled with all the usual high-calorie foods, including one appropriately named, "stuffing." And we will stuff. Here in Dallas, we've got a little football game that has been a tradition since 1966. Every year the Dallas Cowboys host a Thanksgiving Day game. Now college teams are getting in on the action. It's a post-meal tradition that results in a bigger game beyond the one played in the stadium --- seeing who can stay awake to actually watch football. The day is a celebration. The actual giving of thanks is likely more subtle in most homes. People who may not think of praying to thank God for the food might do it on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day. But I suppose simply being surrounded by friends and family causes even the callous among us to have moments of awareness that whisper, "This is nice." Not all "thank you's" are filled with spotlights and loud public address systems. Some just happen in our head. Quietly. When you get older and your tribe has increased, you may be more prone to giving thanks. And when I say "tribe," I don't mean Seth Godin's version - those folks who will buy your stuff. I mean family, the only kind of tribe I personally recognize. I'm happy you're here, listening to the podcast but I don't consider you part of my tribe. I consider you a friend. The holiday season wraps up with the New Year's Eve celebration. Generally, people go from eating more than they should on Thanksgiving Day to spending more than they should for Christmas to drinking too much on New Year's Eve. For quite a few, it's more about excess and over-doing-it than anything! But no matter what you do, or how you choose to live during this time of year, it's universally a time spent with friends and family. And if Thanksgiving Day is a day to consider what we're most thankful for, then New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are days to reflect on the previous year and ponder what a new year may bring. Some are hopeful. Others, not so much. Ironically, New Year's Day is the time when many people "resolve" to make some improvement. Studies report that most fail. And rather quickly. Less than 3% of all resolutions ever come to fruition. And that might be generous. As I sit here sweating in June, thinking of cooler times and family, I think of the people who surround me. The ones who call me Dad, or Pappa. We don't need to wait until "the holidays" to realize the responsibility we have to our tribe, that clan of people with whom we're related, either by blood kinship or by marriage. When you're a father, it's mostly the responsibility you feel toward your children, their spouses and their children --- your grandchildren. If you think about it too much the enormity of the circumstance might weaken your stance. Or, it might give you greater resolve and purpose. Oddly enough, it might even do both at the same time. I was almost 21 when I became a husband. I was 23 when I first became a father. That was almost 43 years ago. It was August 17, 1980 - the hottest summer on record for consecutive 100 degree days in this part of the world. Rhonda was miserable that summer. We had a son, Ryan. Four generations (2017) Over 10 years ago my son had a son, his first. And just like that, there were 3 generations of us. My father is 99. That makes 4 generations alive simultaneously. 99. 66. 42. 10. It's an average span of 30 plus years between generations that runs from 1922 to 2023. My fatherhood is now a generation away four times over. I've got five grandchildren. It's an odd thing for which one can't fully prepare.