We’re back from summer break, and we have some exciting news! Joining our team here this season at The Other Woman and The Wife is a special guest Luke Shillings. Luke is stepping in to help us expand our reach to not just include women but men as well as we grow and develop The Other Man and The Mister community. In this episode, we explore comple…

In this episode of After the Affair, Luke Shillings explores how relationships, like technology, need regular updates to stay in sync. Just like your phone’s apps and software need upgrades to keep functioning smoothly, relationships also require personal growth and communication to thrive over time. If you and your partner aren’t growing together,…

In this compelling episode, Chelsea sits down with Licensed Clinical Therapist Lauren LaRusso, who brings both her professional expertise and personal experience to the table. Specializing in affairs and infidelity, Lauren opens up about her own journey as a betrayed spouse after her husband's affair. This conversation is truly unique in its dynami…

In this episode of After the Affair, Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the topic of relationship statistics and why they don’t define you. While statistics can provide context, they don’t account for the unique dynamics, growth, and emotional complexities of each individual relationship. Luke explores the dangers of letting numbers dictate your…

In this episode, Chelsea interviews Lindsey, who shares her deeply personal experience with infidelity. She discusses how her life changed when she realized she had found safety and a sense of “home” with someone who wasn’t her husband. Lindsey opens up about the emotional struggles of divorce and what it took to rebuild her life with her affair pa…

In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings tackles a frustration many men experience but rarely talk about, the feeling that no matter what they do, they just can't "win" in relationships. Why do so many men feel like they’re failing with their partner? And why is this something that women need to understand too? Luke dives into the c…

In this powerful episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings delves into a deeply nuanced and often overlooked aspect of infidelity: same-sex affairs within long-term marriages. Inspired by a listener’s courageous story, Luke explores the unique layers of shock, pain, and confusion that arise when a spouse’s betrayal involves a partner of the …

Welcome back to After the Affair with your host, Luke Shillings. In today’s episode, we're flipping the traditional approach to healing on its head. Instead of the typical steps to "heal" after betrayal, we're diving into something radical—the Inverse Approach. What if instead of chasing closure, security, and control, we did the opposite? What if …

In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the societal expectations surrounding infidelity and why many of them are not just wrong but harmful. He lists the top 34 most common Societal Expectation Statements and challenges each and every one! We often think of infidelity in black-and-white terms, assigning blam…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the concept of "doing the work" in the aftermath of betrayal, particularly in the context of the self-help world. Often, we think of self-help as something we turn to only when something in our lives has gone wrong, a reactive measure rather than a proactive one. But the bigger …

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal," we tackle the uncomfortable truths that many of us face in the wake of infidelity and betrayal. This episode dives deep into the insecurities that often lie beneath the surface, …

Welcome to a special 100th episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this milestone episode, titled "The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory," we take a deep dive into the emotional significance of anniversaries, those dates on the calendar that can bring both joy and dread. From birthdays and weddings to D-days…

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," we explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship. This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these w…

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity," we'll explore the challenging and often painful experience of trickle truth, also known as "drip feeding" the truth or "gradual disclosure." This episode delves into why trickle trut…

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face," we discuss the impact that facing a finite timeline can have on our decisions and relationships, particularly in the context of infidelity. What happens when we're confronted with the reality o…

Winning your next argument is the most important thing, right? Join Luke Shillings - Relationship and Infidelity Recovery Coach as he unpicks the psychological and emotional reasons behind our desire to be right in arguments, especially in the aftermath of betrayal. We explore how this need can create a zero-sum game in relationships, leading to in…

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)," we explore how the therapeutic approach of IFS can help both betrayed and unfaithful partners understand and heal from the pain of infidelity. Join Luke as he delves into the concept o…

Luke explains how individuals might be drawn to different partners for various reasons and how these dynamics can influence infidelity. Through multiple theoretical lenses, including sociocultural, psychological, feminist, economic, and humanistic perspectives, this episode offers a comprehensive understanding of why people might prioritize differe…

Discover how the pain of betrayal often extends beyond the physical act, touching on what the affair represented rather than the individual affair partner. In this episode, Luke explores the emotional dynamics from both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse's perspectives, offering insights into how these narratives can be challenged and transformed f…

Welcome to another insightful episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, we delve into a common struggle faced by many betrayed partners – the belief that their healing is tied to their spouse’s actions. Whether it's waiting for an apology, seeking explanations, or hoping for changes in behaviour, many feel stuck…

How does a woman who is self described as "the most unlikely candidate to cheat" find herself in an affair? An affair that leaves her reeling and conflicted with a temptation to cheat again no less. Join Chelsea and Ann Marie as they candidly share their reactions, thoughts, and insights about this very situation. If you would like to entrust us wi…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me, your host Luke Shillings as I discover how limiting beliefs can keep you stuck in negative patterns and how shifting your mindset can open up new possibilities for growth and recovery. Whether it’s about self-worth, trust, or what you think you deserve in love, your beliefs shape your reality in power…

In this week’s episode, Chelsea and Ann Marie delve into the topic of disclosing your affair verses waiting for it to be discovered. The discussion weighs the merits of voluntary disclosure against the potential trauma of a partner finding out about the affair independently. Topics: Weighing Discovery Against Disclosure Steps to Prepare for Reveali…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind trust and betrayal. Understanding these processes can be crucial in healing from infidelity and building stronger relationships. Join us as we explore how our brains process trust, the impact of betrayal, and practical strategies to foster heal…

In this week's episode, Ann Marie and Chelsea dive into the concept of limerence and its role in infidelity. They discuss how the limerence narrative can limit self-growth by offering overly simplistic explanations, and examine its impact on addressing the root causes of affairs. Finally, they challenge the labels associated with limerence, suggest…

Welcome to another episode of "After the Affair." I'm your host, Luke Shillings, and today we're tackling a crucial aspect of recovery that many people might not even realise they're struggling with: unhealthy coping mechanisms. After experiencing the emotional upheaval of infidelity, it's easy to fall into habits that seem helpful in the moment bu…

In this weeks episode, Chelsea and Ann Marie delve into "Gangster Gate," where a group of women doxed members of Chelsea's online community. They explore the dramatic events and their fallout. Chelsea shares her experience and the valuable lessons learned from this challenging situation. They also discuss the struggles and triumphs of building a co…

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings delves into the complex phenomenon of hysterical bonding that often follows infidelity. Discover what hysterical bonding is, how common it is, and the differences between healthy and unhealthy forms. Learn practical strategies to manage this intense emotional response and ensure …

In this week's episode, Chelsea and Ann Marie explore the complex motivations behind infidelity by defining and distinguishing between "painkiller" and "refuge" affairs. By facing past traumas and recognizing unhealthy patterns, they discuss how addressing the root causes of infidelity can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Join us f…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I take a look into the fascinating world of polyamory to uncover valuable insights that can aid in healing from infidelity. Polyamorous relationships, known for their emphasis on open communication, emotional intelligence, and the unique concept of compersion, offer profound lessons …

In this weeks very special episode we are joined on the podcast by non other than Chelsea's husband, Stan. Join them as they discuss the intricate terrain of love, resilience, and personal growth after partaking in an affair. From Stan's immigrant roots to the complexities of their relationship dynamics, they offer raw honesty and shared wisdom, il…

Why don't affairs last? Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to the inherent instability of relationships that begin as affairs. Allow me to unpack the foundations of trust, the escape mechanism, emotional tolls, and the broader impac…

In this thought-provoking episode, Chelsea and Ann Marie delve deep into the often overlooked aspect of motherhood: the mother's own happiness and well-being. Join us as we explore the tendency for mothers to prioritize their children's experiences over their own, the societal expectations placed upon mothers, and the impact of relationships, like …

Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage and nurture our romantic partnerships. This episode of "After the Affair" serves as your missing manual to better understand the basics of romantic relationships. What You'll Learn: Communication Esse…

Episode Description: This week Chelsea is joined in the studio with a special guest, Grace. They delve into the intricate layers of Grace's life, where she candidly shares her journey through a decades-spanning marriage. Discover the profound impact of infidelity on Grace's life, as she opens up about her 20-year affair with her brother-in-law, unr…

In this episode of "After the Affair," Caz Grant joins me to explore the intricacies of infidelity within the context of military life. We delve into how the unique challenges of the military lifestyle can impact personal relationships and communication, leading to profound isolation and unmet needs. Caz shares her personal journey through the afte…

This week Chelsea and Ann Marie explore the concept of opportunity cost in relationships, emphasizing the human tendency to prioritize external factors like financial stability and social standing over personal well-being and growth. They discuss how pro's and con's lists can lead to analysis paralysis, hindering individual growth within relationsh…

In this introspective episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I take a closer look at the impact of our innermost thoughts on our relationships, especially in the context of infidelity. "Contemplating Infidelity" explores not just the actions that betray trust but the unseen thoughts that precede them. I examine the moral and emoti…

In this week's episode, Chelsea & Ann Marie embark on an exploration of how marriage, infidelity, motherhood and many other factors transformed the way they viewed the world. Dispelling common misconceptions along the way, they bravely share their experiences of embracing new mindsets. As they reflect on the transformative power of flexibility over…

In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, expansive nature of the universe to the deeply personal path of growth after betrayal. Discover how embracing a growth mindset can lead you from the darkness of betrayal to the light of newfound streng…

In this weeks episode join us for a thought-provoking exploration of boundaries, self-care, and the profound impact they have on the fabric of our relationships. Get ready to embark on a journey of empowerment and connection as we navigate the intricate terrain of setting healthy boundaries. Topics: Distinguishing boundaries from ultimatums. Unders…

Join me Luke Shillings as I question the moral and emotional dilemma of whether to inform an affair partner's spouse about the infidelity. This is a deep dive episode where I explore the topic from both sides. Well worth a listen if I do say so myself! This complex topic is unpacked through personal stories and a thorough examination of the pros an…

Chelsea reacts to her own guest appearance on an episode of Jubilee centered around infidelity. Join Chelsea as she pulls back the curtain on this experience and talks about what it was really like on this set. ASK US A QUESTION We answer questions from other women and wives on our podcast: Submit yours here HOW WE CAN HELP Join the Other Women Com…

In this potentially uncomfortable episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I ask one of the most complex and emotionally charged questions faced by individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity: Should I contact the affair partner? This episode unpacks the myriad of emotions, potential outcomes, and ethical considerations surro…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelin…

Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this episode, I'll take you on a journey that parallels the beloved tale many of us are familiar with, artfully connecting this age-old adventure to the emotional landscape of recovering from betrayal. Explore…

Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode sh…

Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy befo…

In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing …

ASK US A QUESTION We answer questions from other women and wives on our podcast: Submit yours here HOW WE CAN HELP Join the Other Women Community Apply for 1:1 Coaching OUR LINKS Website: theotherwomanandthewife.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theowandthewife저자 Chelsea