I moved to LA twenty years ago this week. They need to invent an “avocado blower” next, I guess. Chipotle Incompetence, and what’s up with the youth? Someone needs to reign in these paper towel companies, it’s out of control. The Penguin on HBO. The Montgomery Clift crash site. The making of Thriller documentary on Paramount Plus. I read the Godfat…

Just to round off the “hate list,” I can’t stand Rainn Wilson either. The old guy at CVS. We had a real ripe banana crisis in this city on Monday. (As if it weren’t a banana republic as it is already, LOLLL!!!) I think I spend more time complaining about the direct flight to NC and back more than actually talking about the NC trip. And the sad part…

I couldn’t find the picture of that Vietnamese girl from part 1, but I inadvertently sent myself on a journey of discovery into my past, and illuminated some new revelations. (One of them being “I’ve sent a LOT of dick pics in the last 15yrs”) I hate Kumal Nanjiani, but let me tell you why. I went to watch the Trump/Kamala debate live, and left dis…

I wrap up Labor Day weekend, and essentially use your ears as a repository for my vitriol. (I apologize, but it’s much cheaper than therapy) Leaf blowers! Dumb people at the beach! High prices! You name it, I bitch about it! I posit the question “Am I a weirdo for ‘stretch-talking?’” (Details inside) One more note on the A Team, one more famous Rai…

West coast aint got no love for Zito movers?! Your brain can only remember 150 people, but it’s still weird to me when famous people don’t recognize me. Chipotle Incompetence™. I’m so disgruntled I don’t even like Entourage or The A Team anymore. Hurtin for a Burton. I sent in my Misfits pilot(?) for coverage. I went to the Vista for the first time…

Ireland, here I come. More like Montgomery almost DROVE OFF a Clift. Old and burned out. T Dog’s birthday. Wheel wet got me wheel mad. The Bureau infects Gelsons. The letter “W” (I wish I was kidding, that’s how light of material I was this week) De-aging in movies is somehow getting worse. Trump on Theo Von (why) I figured out why it’s Hardees and…

Mr Helper, and a review of the new Aliens video game, Alien: Romulus저자 Luke Allen

Aside from the Bureau, I now have the nefarious family branched out into all my favorite products, systematically ruining them. They’ve now infiltrated the Doordash app, Bai flavored water, and Carl’s Jr. My review of “Raising Canes,” a new (alleged) chicken finger slinger around town. Why do bars and restaurants constantly reopen in establishments…

A shocking turn of events in Los Angeles, breaking news. If you want to cover “I Drive A Fast Car,” I hope you get in one and drive it into a tree. I hate the driver of a Tesla, more or less-la. Travel rage-ency. Rocha and the wretched Virzis at the Ice House, with Daryl Hammond-cheese sandwich. Corrriiinnnne’s beach birthday party, and a shotgun-s…

Earthquakes! Protests! Chipotle! What a week, fam. There’s people walking around in sweaters and jackets in 95 degree heat. Ilhan Omar might be part of the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants. I advocate for bipartisan legislation for grown adults in congress to stop referring to their grandparents as the childhood gibberish names they had for them when th…

*Warning,* This week, I’m stretched for material thinner than a regular sized condom on Mr Marcus’ cock. I have a neurotic panic about a potential flesh eating bacteria in my face. A whole boatload of Chipotle Incompetence™, and more shoe drama. I met Vinnie Friday night and had too many margaritas, then paid the price for it the next day. I missed…

The remainder of my Buffalo trip, and a visit to my brother's compound. I went to see Deadpool 3 so that you don't have to.저자 Luke Allen

You have to take out a mortgage on your house now to get a haircut in Los Angeles. I saw Apocalypse Now in 70mm, and it was quite an experience. I flew to Buffalo and did things, I'm here right now. Why does Hollywood want us to like Glen Powell so much? Beerwolf wrote one of my favorite songs.저자 Luke Allen

My assessment and analysis of the attempted Trump assassination. I attempt to focus on the macro aspects of how & why this happened, but end up coming off generally incoherent and mostly rambling. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense to someone, but either way it felt good to rant about it like a low key lunatic. I really put the “anal” in analy…

Harrison Ford finally decides to do a Marvel movie. (Good timing, dick head) People with money actually like my dumb movie ideas?? Longlegs review. I also went and saw Wild Bunch AND Far And Away. It’s hard for old guys to scream. (Misery Signals, Full Collapse)저자 Luke Allen

Live, from the streets of LA, in my Enterprise cigarette sarcophagus! Fourth of July wrap up. (More like “ju lie about having an interesting podcast”) I’m now writing my first TV series! (God help us) Will Haven show at the Teragram, with Dude/Boges. I lament my laborious work week, but I venerate Yardhouse, followed by This Week In Chipotle Incomp…

The politics of fireworks. 4th of July memories and mammaries. They saved Marilyn Monroe’s house. “Look How Cool Luke Is,” “industry connections” edition. Satan’s sprinkler system, and a guy on a bicycle on the epon..ponomoys 405. Chipotle Incompetence Round Up. Rocha’s show at the Ice House, and a whiskey tastin’ with T Dog. (Lou’s got cancer [CAN…

I went to a bar that was streaming the debate live, and I give my thoughts on it. I had like 7 or 8 thoughts, maybe. (Maybe more) I don't really do a political podcast, I just threw this one out as a lark. If you hate politics (dont blame you), skip this mama jamma and I'll see you at episode 455. (Also, in hell)…

Passport office, attempt #2. Donald Sutherland died. July is shaping up to be a helluva month, but June Is The Month For Me. (Hourglass)저자 Luke Allen

Id literally rather go to the DMV than get my haircut. (Why dont they cut your hair AT the DMV, let's get some shit done) Waba Grill is deceptively(ish) unhealthy. It's time for federal intervention into Chipotle. (Im generally a "small government" man, but this has gone too far.) A singles soiree with me and Gus 1. A misbegotten outing to see The …

Industry mixer, and a homeless man absconds with my phone. Adaptation at the Egyptian, and Rob's play Saturday night. Some Like It Hot, and others like parking tickets. Another wonderful haircut from Floyds barbershop. (Which will most likely be bankrupt in 5 years)저자 Luke Allen

De Niro: confirmed mook. "Now take me to jail." - D Trump. Tender Greens? More like Tender GROANS. Vinnie gets to write for Mike Tyson. I went to see Dick Tracy and a movie called Come And See, and I had two what Sallah from Indiana Jones would call "Bad dates."저자 Luke Allen

Predator 6, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. I was one of the 11 people that saw Furiosa this weekend, and I give my thoughts on it. I went to the Comedy Store a couple times, and witnessed Vincent Falcone have one of the amazing comedy set turnarounds I've ever seen. I had my car out for 6 hours, and you would think I had just driven across the fuc…

Coppola reaches his final form: Brando. When you cast someone who's supposed to be the younger version of them in a prequel, a good idea is to cast someone who looks absolutely nothing like them. Taxi Driver 2. Colin Quinn should moderate the presidential debate. Film nerd singles meet up. (It was about as successful as you'd imagine) Someone went …

Whoever changed the date of the May 11th Colin Quinn show at Largo almost inadvertantly killed me, and threw my life into utter upheavel and extreme discomfort for several days. Ruminations on Fred "Murder" Murphy's comedy show. More like Larry CARE-azewski! Francis Ford Coppola's new movie trailer hit the wires, and you'll be shocked to know it lo…

A contentious relationship with Al R. Gees! LOL!! I saw The Fall Guy in "4DX," so you don't have to. A whimsical night with some of the Monster Squad. I met with the jew broad and it went absolutely nowhere.저자 Luke Allen

An afternoon in Gavin Newsom's California. I want to dig a hole in my face and set fire to it, just to destroy my awful sinuses. A weekend of galivanting with Penis Powers & Rocha. The Rock knows how to "piss everyone off," LOL!!! Night court. (Maybe)저자 Luke Allen

More like QUITTIN Tarantino! 28 Years Later. Civil War. (the movie) Fallout on Amazon. Alec Baldwin getting harassed. Rob's show, and Saturday night shenanigans. Still chasin Chasin!저자 Luke Allen

45, still alive! I breakdown my illustruous birthday, and fabulous trip to the Ronald Reagan Library over in Simi Valley, among other celebratory activities. Blood test aftermath. The final Curb Your Enthusiasm episode was almost fascinatingly bad. Tulsa King background drama update/interesting turn of events. Interacting with a maniac on the Game …

Behind the scenes drama! The phantom horn of Sweetzer avenue. I watched a guy leafblow the grass and a pile of dirt. (I wish I was kidding) Lucky Brand jeans are wonderful, but fuck their shallow ass pockets. Why don't you leave well enough Stallone. Old Hollywood tales/research and screenwrite-y bullshit.…

Fast food? More like fast FEUD. More like chicken pad DIE. Another lovely leafblower. Ants askance. More highly productive and emotionally fulfilling Los Angeles women/dates, I promise you I totally won't die alone if I stay here. Got to meet Machete! Dune Two. (Fremen? More like FROWNIN)저자 Luke Allen

If I thinks it, I jinx it. Beetlejuice 2 trailer just dropped, and so did your expectations. Caf-fiend. When ISIS claimed the 2017 Las Vegas shooting, it was "mysterious." But when they claimed the Russian opera shooting this week, it was unquestionably accepted. The Chimneysweep closed. The Door Guy show at the Comedy Store, part 2. Dr Rob Banks s…

I thought I'd said everything I had to say about the ride home last episode, but one more pleasant surprise awaited me: 65mph winds, for 30 miles! Yay! People that don't reset clocks after a time change deserve a Sisyphus-esque fate, for all eternity. (Wait til I get into dishwasher etiquette) The robber and the laundromat screamer. (That sounds li…

I drove 3000 miles in 6 days, Los Angeles to Montana & back, to work with/facilitate a music video shoot there. It was a challenging yet visually resplendent affair.저자 Luke Allen

A Lukie complaining "perfect storm" at the DMV. Shocking news on the Chipotle front. I took a bullet; a MAGIC BULLET, LOLL!! Austin Butler in Heat 2? ("tWoOo?!") The Las Vegas shooting is the most flagrantly, sloppily, and inexplicably covered up event in United States history; "NBD!" (as the kids say) North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Mon-roe.…

The little LA flourishes that make it such a delight to live here! Dubai? More like Du-BYE, to that opportunity. (Good job, dummy) Doing favors for people always ends up fucking you in the motion picture business, and I still do it. Underappreciated skill: traffic helicopter narrator guy. Eric Rocha at the West Covina Laugh Factory, and going to se…

The middle ages. The Normand conundrum. More like BOOO Detective. The politics of bush. Coalesce is back(?) The fall of Grimace. Bank Of America broke my heart.저자 Luke Allen

Not Grateful for Larry's script. Shakedown at the DMV. What's the point of mall security guards? After the rain! A night at the Store, with Grimace. Thursday at the Observatory, the worst music venue in southern California저자 Luke Allen

They say "the rain in Spain makes Lukie complain." Jacket fever. Dolemite Is My Name screening in Gardena, at the theater that's in the scene-a. Kickin it with Grimace. Love won and lost in LA.

A most unusual day in the city of Angels. Hot chick apocalypse. Leap year is gay. Starbucks oatmeal. Lenny Kravitz is lucky to be alive. The Door Guy show at the Comedy Store Friday night, and bittersweet reunion with thespian Scott Murphy, as we become the victims of more Los Angeles customer service ineptitude.…

Complicated orange. Blueberry scamcakes. Mail-adjusted. The China(wo)man is the issue here. Another fulfulling and totally worthwhile Bumble date. The Donut King. 0 for 3 on "not weirdo/noisy neighbors" so far in 1.5 years of living here. My two cents on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelcie, I weigh in like everyone else-y. True Detective, Dark Country. …

"The crossroads episode!" (I miss my uncle Charles, y'all) Fed Ex, bloody Fed Ex. Door Drash drama. $48 haircut. Mr Destiny as theft deterrent. New Studio A. The comedy show in Bellflower. One expensive Asian titty.저자 Luke Allen

First mic (eh, dude-) of 2024 in the books, and boy it was a doosy! What an uplifting experience. Rest of the Buffalo trip wrap up, and ruminations on the guy that came up with the idea of the toilet seat disposable sheet covers.저자 Luke Allen

Can you believe it...I got a cold! In Buffalo! Who saw this coming! (At least my grandpa guts have settled down) "City Services" showed up for that abused kid a couple episodes ago. The flight to JFK, New Years Eve and New Years Day. Walden Galleria Mall anxiety showdown. The Union/Integrity/Despair show, and a fully clothed escapade at a chick's h…

Merry Christmas, and hello Mystery Illness II. (Right on time!) Christmas day, travel, a few LA things. Texas Roadhouse stinks. The Tim Dillon/Rogan episode was great. (Onto Buffalo...)저자 Luke Allen

Could there be a PRO-Luke rebel faction Bureau™ operating in Los Angeles?? "Hit Me Baby One More Time?" Stop bothering Shaq by letting him buy you things. The Wrestlers doc on Netflix, Leave The World Behind on Netflix, and another fulfulling and totally worthwhile Hinge date.저자 Luke Allen

The locquacious Lukester is coming at ya, with a dramatic and action-packed two parter. Talk about a stocking stuffer!! LOLLL!!!!! We begin somewhat heavy with a dramatic child welfare incident outside of Gold's Gym Venice, where I desperatel wish the Punisher was real. I went to the "Roast Of LA" 'comedy' show with the mighty T Dog, and share my t…

Rap metal was a thing once. 265...the kid's still alive! I spilled whiskey on my balls, and it burned. (Don't..let that happen to you) Mission Impossible 2; more like Dougray NOT! Netflix can't even make a documentary about fuckin Pepsi and not manage to malign Trump. I got thrown on a last minute show on Saturday; did I prevail? FIND OUT! I saw In…

Un-Hinge'd. I don't know what's more dreadful, a bad date, or a bad band practice session. Shitbit. If you're anything more than a 3rd car going through a yellow to red light, a Dr Strange portal to hell should open underneath and suck all proceeding cars into hell. Formica. Don't get each other anything for Christmas this year, we're fucked. Gelso…

Thanksgiving, 2023! Thanksgiving, the movie. Planes Tranes & Automobiles. (Also the movie) Worst era of fashion in LA history? Things that annoy me on dating apps: shitty dogs, and pretending you go to the farmers market on Sunday. (You dont) Another totally reasonably priced Hinge date, and hot stuff Eric Rocha doing the main room at the Comedy St…