최고 Runkle 팟캐스트 (2024)

1
Early Trauma Taught You to Pretend Nothing's Wrong 19:31

19h ago19:31

19:31

When you grow up emotionally neglected, it’s not uncommon that you’ll be drawn to people who neglect you and dismiss your feelings just like your parents did. Getting small and silent around this kind of thing is a trauma symptom, and you don’t have to go along with it. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is dating a man whose par…

1
An Interview With Dr. James Pennebaker 49:07

3d ago49:07

49:07

If you've sought help for trauma-related symptoms you were probably told you needed to TALK about it. But a growing body of research shows that one of the most effective therapies for healing depression, anxiety and trauma is WRITING. In this video, I interview James Pennebaker, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Texas at Au…

1
Why Relationships Only Work When You Have Boundaries (4-Video Compilation) 1:27:46

4d ago1:27:46

1:27:46

People with Childhood PTSD often struggle to speak up for themselves, or face conflicts where others aren't treating you well. This may have injured your ability to see things as they are. To read the room. To understand where people are coming from when they say one thing, but do another. This denial may have trained you to express your wishes, an…

1
What To Do When You Don't Know What You Really Want 35:23

6d ago35:23

35:23

I get hundreds of letters from viewers on this channel every month – way more than I can answer, and when I’m choosing which letters I’ll answer here on YouTube, sometimes I decide NOT to answer a letter, but THEN IT STARTS TO HAUNT ME. I keep thinking about the person, and thinking about their story – and the mystery of their struggles, but also t…

1
Extreme Limerence Needs Strong Intervention 32:32

8d ago32:32

32:32

Obsessive love tends to kick up when your life is bleak, and you have frail connections with people and activities you love. Limerence is when that feeling becomes like an addiction, but sometimes, the obsession can drag you into a deeper mental health crisis. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who finally caught feelings for someone…

1
CPTSD Could Be the Reason You Struggle to GET THINGS DONE 19:43

10d ago19:43

19:43

Everyone procrastinates sometimes. But for people who were abused or neglected as kids, there are extra factors that can make procrastination much, much worse. The things you’re not dealing with can take over your life, hold you back, make you depressed that you’re stuck, day after day, in the same old rut - like paralysis. In this video, I'll expl…

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Why Childhood Trauma Blocks Connection (4-Video Compilation) 1:20:50

11d ago1:20:50

1:20:50

More people than ever are isolated and lonely People who have lived through trauma, especially in childhood, may have suffered neurological changes that make connecting even harder. And once you are in a relationship, it can cause you to fall into trauma-driven patterns that ruin closeness. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popul…

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Abuse, Neglect, and the Suppression of Intelligence 18:11

13d ago18:11

18:11

Early trauma can do tremendous damage to your ability to think, learn and remember, and one reason is the neurological dysregulation that often results from abuse and neglect in childhood. There is an injury – a developmental delay in the ability to listen and form ideas, and process them, and it often seems to get worse when we’re under stress. Tr…

1
Either Way, Fixating on Changing Your Partner Hurts You Both 22:58

15d ago22:58

22:58

One way that childhood trauma hurts your ability to have a healthy relationship is by halting your emotional development. When your parents threaten and ignore you, you have only your child’s mind to interpret why they are doing this, and how to cope with it. Some people shut down emotionally, which obviously isn’t good for adult relationships late…

1
What to Do When They Push Their Views On You 16:40

17d ago16:40

16:40

Opinion bullies have been running around, enjoying a new sense of unlimited power for several years now, trashing good and decent people, shunning things like discussion, inquiry and debate. It’s shocking how many people are willing to sacrifice basic respect and good will in order to demand they get their way -- and that everyone agrees with them.…

1
Childhood Bonds With Parents Drives You Now (4-Video Compilation) 1:07:21

18d ago1:07:21

1:07:21

When you weren’t loved properly as a child, your brain will tell you that the first person who is kind to you is the ONE, and you have to be with them, and you have to be with them NOW. CPTSD and attachment wounds can push you to attach instantly with someone you don’t even know. And often, after you’ve lost all boundaries, you start to see that th…

1
Boyfriend’s Insensitive Comment May Not Be the Problem 10:28

20d ago10:28

10:28

One thing that hurts relationships is comparing your partner to others. But something that ALSO hurts relationships is discarding them when they make a mistake. In this video, I respond to a letter from a young woman who was devastated by her boyfriend’s comments about his own exes. How to Tell if Someone is Partner Material?: FREE PDF Download: ht…

1
Their Life Is a Mess and THEY BLAME YOU 21:40

22d ago21:40

21:40

Even if you survived the trauma of abusive or neglectful parents, it’s very likely that your brother or sister or someone else in the family absorbed the chaos, and their trauma-driven behaviors end up hurting you again and again. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who must decide whether to help her suffering siblings, even though s…

1
10 Ways Past Trauma Suppresses Income (How to Change This Now) 52:01

24d ago52:01

52:01

One thing trauma experts don’t talk about enough is the connection between growing up with trauma – and UNDER-EARNING. This is a huge problem for so many of us with CPTSD. And when you’re underearning – it can be hard to see clearly why that’s happening, and what you can do to get your income UP to a fair and sufficient level. This is part of heali…

1
Why Your Productivity is a Roller Coaster (4-video compilation) 53:26

25d ago53:26

53:26

If you're rebuilding your life after trauma, you may have experienced "Productivity Crashes" -- my term for when you emotionally collapse (and often physically retreat) after big, courageous accomplishments. Too often, people with CPTSD struggle to follow up on their successes; or get stuck in "freeze mode" for long spells, or avoid advancing their…

1
The Abusers Are Gone, But The Hurt Still Needs Healing 23:11

27d ago23:11

23:11

It’s human nature to require justice. Somehow we NEED to know in our bones that the kind of harm that was done to us as children is NOT RIGHT, and should not have happened, and someone should have come to our aid. And yet the people who harm kids rarely take responsibility for it. So many of us never get an apology, or we lack the basic support of …

1
Why You Shouldn’t Wait for an Apology 15:43

29d ago15:43

15:43

Living through a rough childhood, it’s hard not to hope that ONE day, the parents who neglected you and made life chaotic will SEE – they’ll come around and admit what they did, and how they didn’t take care of you, and they’ll tell you how sorry they are. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wants to heal, but imagines that only wh…

1
Why Malignant Narcissists Love CANCEL CULTURE 23:18

1M ago23:18

23:18

Abuse and violence are crimes, but having your own opinion is an essential part of trauma healing. Those who grew up with narcissistic abuse were forced to conform, comply. People who "cancel" others almost always think they are doing something heroic for the benefit of others. But in fact, cancel culture is a game run by narcissists, where destroy…

1
CPTSD & The Feeling You Can't Connect (4-video compilation) 1:10:38

1M ago1:10:38

1:10:38

People who were abused or neglected as children long to feel a sense of belonging. But it's an almost universal symptom of CPTSD to feel like you can't connect with others. You may feel like you don't belong in with groups, that people ignore you, or for reasons you can't explain, you struggle to form good friendships. Few understand the way CPTSD …

1
There's Something Appealing About Partners Who Disappoint 17:48

1M ago17:48

17:48

Trauma in your childhood gives you a blind spot that makes it easy to become attached to people who are AVOIDANT – they pull away when you try to pull close, they don’t GET it about being present for someone, or honoring them on special occasions. Avoidant people can do some parts of relationships really well, but over time, they can leave you feel…

1
How to End Limerence Before You Destroy Everything Good 26:26

1M ago26:26

26:26

Once in a while, I get a letter seeking my advice that’s so serious I’m not sure if I should read it on YouTube. Usually I decline, but in the case of a letter I received just a few days ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about the danger that everyone is in, and thought I’d better tell the letter writer – who asked me to be as harsh as I needed to be –…

1
What to Tell MDs Who Just Don’t Get It About CPTSD 14:23

1M ago14:23

14:23

For a lot of people who were abused or neglected in childhood, going to the doctor is a huge trigger. The questions they ask, the fact that they need to TOUCH you, and the control they have over whether or not you get to HAVE help at all – it can feel overwhelming, invasive, accusatory, demeaning, invalidating. Most doctors – even though they are t…

1
Childhood Trauma and Damaged Perception (4-Video Compilation) 1:45:01

1M ago1:45:01

1:45:01

As a child you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this 4-video compilation I share four of my most popular videos about damaged perception and how it makes us …

1
Here’s How You Know It’s Time to Tell Him You’re Into Him 17:04

1M ago17:04

17:04

You have a friend you’re secretly in love with. You thought you had to act like just a friend, to keep them as a friend, because you were sure they would never have feelings for you. That could be true, or could be your low self-esteem talking. What if all this time, they were pretending to be just a friend too? Should you risk telling them how you…

1
How Trauma Makes It Hard to Recognize What’s Really Happening 19:21

1M ago19:21

19:21

When traumatized people date, it’s easy to detach from reality, and create elaborate constructs that explain why other people do what they do, and why we feel hurt by it – without having to actually admit what's really happening. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is feeling confused (a tell-tale sign you've been "soft-ghosted" wh…

1
You May Be Signalling to Others That You Feel “Less-Than” 14:55

1M ago14:55

14:55

Even if you're good at acting confident, you may be giving off signs that you feel "less than" other people. Low self-esteem can have the effect of pushing good people away from you, and this in turn makes it harder to grow in confidence. In this video from my archive, I teach about what I call "the underdog effect" -- the unspoken signals you may …

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They're Not Into You, So You Love Them MORE (4-Video Compilation) 1:15:04

2M ago1:15:04

1:15:04

People neglected as children sometimes spend their WHOLE life longing for love – chasing it, fighting for it, and never having it, all because of an attraction to unavailable people. This includes people who are married and can’t really be with you (but string you along), or people who flat out aren’t into you. Yet your wounds from childhood make y…

1
Family Emotional Abuse and The Lifelong Sense of Disconnection 14:09

2M ago14:09

14:09

It’s a terrible form of abuse when whole families gang up on one person. Sometimes it’s scapegoating, where they blame you for problems you never caused. Sometimes it’s just plain bullying and cruelty, and of course it leaves terrible wounds, even when you KNOW the abuse was about them, not you, and even when you’ve worked hard to create a good lif…

1
How to Keep Narcissistic Parents From Controlling Your Life 20:14

2M ago20:14

20:14

Some people get consumed by narcissistic loved ones they’re trying to stay connected with. Other people get off the treadmill by going no contact. But a lot of people are in the middle, with a mix of concern, and a desire to help – with total exasperation, feeling drained and fed up with the narcissist’s endless demands for attention and free labor…

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This Mindset Strengthens You to Overcome Childhood Trauma 19:55

2M ago19:55

19:55

I have a secret portal that allows me to see and understand what childhood trauma does to people -- the different patterns it follows, and which kinds of people end up making rapid progress, and which ones stay stuck. I get this insight from letters and YouTube comments -- thousands of them. And there are basically two kinds of comments: One is the…

1
Emotional Dysregulation Damages Relationships (4-Video Compilation) 1:26:00

2M ago1:26:00

1:26:00

If you grew up hurt by your parents -- neglected, not heard, not seen – chances are good that you get emotionally dysregulated. This means your nervous system reacts to stressors with EXTRA strong emotions. When most people would be hurt, you’re devastated. When you fall in love feels ENORMOUS. And getting angry (unfortunately for the people who lo…

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Trauma Makes Us Feel "Different." But Is It True? 13:57

2M ago13:57

13:57

A lot of us who grew up with trauma have trouble shaking off the feeling that we’re somehow different than non-traumatized people. It seems sometimes like everyone else seems to know how to act, what to say, how to be connected -- but that we never got the memo. Do you ever feel like that? In this video I talk about the feeling among people who wer…

1
Don’t Let Manipulative “Poly” Friends Push You to Self-Abandon 22:38

2M ago22:38

22:38

Everyone MUST be free to pursue the relationships and the way of life that makes them happy. Provided what they are doing is legal, we can’t condemn them. But even though some behaviors are legal, it doesn’t mean they aren’t destructive to others -- I’m talking about bullsh**ing vulnerable people into having intimate relationships that are NOT in t…

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5 Ways a Lack of Attunement Keeps You From Connecting 36:23

2M ago36:23

36:23

So many people are feeling blocked from connecting with other people. If you find yourself trying and trying, but nothing seems to lead to friendship or people even seem to be pulling away from you, there might be a problem with your *attunement* – your ability to sense another person’s openness, or to “read the room". In this video I'll tell you s…

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Avoid These Self-Centered Behaviors (3-Video Compilation) 1:16:48

2M ago1:16:48

1:16:48

It's popular to call out relatives and ex-partners as narcissists, but what about the self-centered behaviors and thinking that are common in people traumatized as children? In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about the way ordinary people may exhibit narcissistic behaviors. These traits can make life hard while they…

1
Your Partner’s Behavior is Trauma-Related, But It’s Still Not OK 17:45

2M ago17:45

17:45

One very bad sign that someone is losing themself in an unhappy relationship, is that they write to me about their partner and how wonderful they are, then tell me all about their partner’s traumatic past -- and then list all the ways their partner is mistreating them. It's as if they don't want me to see the facts. Trauma might be an explanation f…

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S*x Work Thrives On Dissociation and Blocks Your Healing 19:32

2M ago19:32

19:32

Unpopular opinion, but so-called “adult entertainment” could not exist if there weren’t a steady supply of people who were abused as children, and skilled at shutting themselves down emotionally so that other people could use them for “pleasure.” It’s one of many ways that manipulative people – or those they have manipulated – like to normalize an …

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Isolating to Manage Stress is a Trauma Symptom 19:23

2M ago19:23

19:23

There’s an almost universal symptom that people who grew up with trauma will tend to exhibit - and it’s a sense of isolation. Either you feel isolated even with people, or you literally isolate. Shutting people out feels like it's the right, best, most self caring thing you can do sometimes when you're under stress. But if you think that's a good t…

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Limerence Is Toxic Fix for Lonely, Joyless Life (4-Video Compilation) 1:16:11

2M ago1:16:11

1:16:11

If you were emotionally neglected as a child, you may be extra-prone to direct your romantic energy toward people who are not with you. It’s the consequence of an injury to our neurological development, and it can have terrible consequences for you and the people who love you. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos abou…

1
Walking on Eggshells So THEY Feel OK Means It’s Time to Go 11:44

2M ago11:44

11:44

Just because someone got a credential to practice therapy doesn’t necessarily mean they’re mentally stable, or able to prioritize the attention that you deserve, over whatever it is they’re feeling. If you had a parent who neglected you or exhibited narcissistic traits, you may have a blind spot for this behavior in others. In this video I respond …

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What “I’m Not Ready For a Relationship” Really Means 24:53

2M ago24:53

24:53

So many of us who grew up with trauma live as “divided selves” – longing for real love, but playing along to keep people around who DON’T want that – not with us, anyway – but who are happy to soak all our attention and time Iand of course, sex). Your ability to believe you can change how they feel by giving them all you've got – but never honestly…

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Some People Lash Out. Others Shut Down. Which Are You? 35:30

2M ago35:30

35:30

When we talk about trauma symptoms, we talk a lot about strong feelings, acting out and emotional dysregulation. But there’s this other side of how trauma wounds and CPTSD can control your behavior, and it’s through *self-suppression*. In this video I teach the signs that your trauma is driving to suppress yourself. You may be surprised how much it…

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How Trauma Makes It Hard to See What's Real (4-Video Compilation) 1:25:17

2M ago1:25:17

1:25:17

When it comes to healing CPTSD, there's abundant advice and hundreds of treatments, but they rarely take into account that trauma wounds make it difficult to learn, process, remember, and categorize information. When your thinking is distorted, it's hard to tell what is your responsibility and what is not -- and to recognize choices available to yo…

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How to REALLY Declutter Reminders of the Painful Past 14:09

3M ago14:09

14:09

A huge number of people who lived through trauma have ended up with a LOT of physical clutter. And because clutter can hold you back, it’s a good thing when you release belongings that you’ve held onto that you DON’T need, that you can’t use, and that only bring you a sense of stress and obligation. But what about the old letters, gifts and cards t…

1
Why It's Hard to Tell if a Friendship is Good (Or Toxic) 17:27

3M ago17:27

17:27

If you’re like a lot of people who grew up with trauma, you feel most comfortable with friends who also had trauma – people who struggle at times with the same trauma-driven problems you’ve struggled with. These people can feel like HOME for us – until we start to heal from trauma, and their actual flaws become more visible to us. Should you try to…

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If You Had Trauma in Childhood, Healing This Will Change Your Life 17:52

3M ago17:52

17:52

There is a massive, almost universal trigger for Childhood PTSD symptoms – and you probably have it (even people who were not traumatized sometimes have it). It is HURRYING. We all do it. But when you have Childhood PTSD, hurrying very easily turns into overwhelm, and can trip you up and sabotage the most important things in your life. In this vide…

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Heal Insecurity-Driven Relationship Patterns (4-Video Compilation) 1:42:46

3M ago1:42:46

1:42:46

People who were neglected as children often struggle to form stable, lasting relationships. One big reason is insecure attachment -- a wound of trauma (particularly neglect) that creates a chronic sense of anxiety that you're not wanted, or you are about to be abandoned. You might RUSH in and get enmeshed with someone you just met, or exhaust yours…

1
Believing You’re Responsible to Fix Them Is Why It’s Not Working 16:05

3M ago16:05

16:05

The reason I say codependency is so destructive to everyone it touches is that A) it drains the person who has abandoned themselves to become entirely focused on fixing another person, and B) the person being fixed is NOT fixed -- and doesn’t like it, and will usually leave. But that’s not what it FEELS like when you’ve been showing up in good fait…

1
Stop Pretending You Don’t Need Love 24:14

3M ago24:14

24:14

When people want a “just-sex” relationship, they can hardly resist the lure of traumatized people who will pour out pure gold from their heart and yet suffer in silence that their “friend with benefits” never returns their love. Neglect in childhood does that to people – makes you feel ashamed that you want and need something more than a fling – it…

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These Triggers Are Telltale Signs You Were Neglected and Ostracized in Childhood 24:55

3M ago24:55

24:55

It's painful for a child to be left out, ignored and never included. This counts as trauma, and leaves behind telltale signs in the form of triggers in adulthood. You may find yourself reacting strongly with anger, anxiety or self-abandonment when people overlook you or disappoint you now, in adulthood. Unfortunately, this aspect of CPTSD can desta…

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