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JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love it, or you've never seen it. But what exactly is JoJo? Why is everyone talking about it? Why is it so great? Whether this is your first foray into Hirohiko Araki's decades-spanning masterpiece, or you're a seasoned JoJo Opinion Haver looking for more of your kind, JoJo's Bizarre Explainer is here for you! Hosted by Elizabeth Simins, Courtney Stanton, and Darius Kazemi, this podcast will tease out the running motifs, fascinating weirdnesses, occasiona ...
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Did you miss men inside other men? The ol' Pillar Man Shmoo? Well is this the story arc for you. Also discussed: ways to lose money with lesbians, 19th century white American farmers' intense love of Japanese fungus, and what is shonen time and why does it exist in the Milwaukee suburbs. Plus, someone better call Karl Marx because we need to define…
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Take a drink every time one of us says the word "hole" in this podcast episode (D-don't do that. You'll die.) Today we see that with great power comes weird nail-based fighting techniques. Johnny's Stand is possibly turning into a Loony Toons character. We learn that Gyro and Johnny are the hardiest twinks. Courtney cannot understand how the rules …
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After another long hiatus... we're back! We've got an episode jam packed with facts about the Triple Crown, Gyro Zeppeli's rabbinical energy, and the importance of the golden ratio. Gyro teaches important life lessons to Johnny while they are both hiding in mud with their tongues on fire. We compare the bad parenting of Phantom Blood with the bad p…
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In this episode we cover the first two parts of A Silent Way, one of our favorite Steel Ball Run arcs... and not just because it features Gyro Zeppeli singing about mozarella cheese. We get some of the best ensemble writing and character development yet. Gyro Zepelli convinces a 14 year old girl to commit treason. Diego Brando decides that a good j…
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After all this time we can confirm whose corpse everyone is trying to assemble: some guy named Jesus Christ, never heard of him. We attempt yet again to explain Blackmore’s stand. Diego Brando is back, still 50% dinosaur and 100% hot. This is a Lucy Steel fan podcast now. We are forced to be our own Speedwagon for this fight because nobody will exp…
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Welcome to one of the most iconic covers of JoJos. Eliz explains Pennsylvania farmers markets. Darius explains how to break into a government building using a lunch box (and then we explain the lunch). We explain Blackmore’s outfit. And finally, everyone in the story is in the same place at the same time! -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre …
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We’re back and discussing what a real man is. Finally! How does Araki pick his character names other than mix tapes? We explain how Ringo Roadigan’s stand works so even Courtney can understand it. Mountain Tim gains another newsletter subscriber. Gyro Zeppeli grows up. And even though he’s not in this story, we still manage to talk about Hol Horse …
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Gyro takes a moment to try his hand at architecture criticism. We meet a strange man with a skull soul patch who lives in a Zelda forest. We also meet Hot Pants, who will apparently casually lynch anyone who touches their beef and always has shaving cream at the ready. We figure out that Diego Brando is actually devoutly religious (he believes in h…
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We can be absolutely certain that nobody was alive 2000 years ago, certainly no significant religious figures. Diego Brando's backstory remains full of terrible dad behavior. Johnny's corpse part is a vaccine against dinosaurification, which is a shame because Gyro becoming a dinosaur is extremely hot. If your town is full of rats, those rats turni…
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Johnny Joestar min-maxed his character sheet and put all his knowledge points in "Horse". Araki can still only draw three faces, one of which is Britney Spears (not a criticism!). Diego Brando slowly turns into both a dinosaur and also the worst possible plus-one to a Tinder hook-up. Eliz and Courtney remain unapologetic Dio stans. Johnny's stand l…
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For our longest episode yet, we discuss the entire Tusk arc, and if spinning fingernails were too much for you, well, we are sorry but you're going to have to deal with spinning toenails too. Marvel as Araki strip-mines Catholicism for ~aesthetic~. Say hello and goodbye to one Baron von Stroheim. We spend quality time with the President of the Unit…
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This week we un-mourn Mountain Tim. Gyro and Johnny are doing all kinds of interesting things in a barn. We revisit the Mountain Tim Test of Stands for Oyecomeva, who likes to explode things and also had explosives on him when he got his Stand (2/2 Tims). Gyro officially joins the Jojo's Bad Dad Club. And we debate the moral character of a fictiona…
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S06E09: The Most Traumatic Take-Your-Child-To-Work Day
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Welcome back to the show! We are back from our unannounced hiatus to grapple a series of difficult questions: Italy -- is it a real country? (Jury remains out on this one.) Johnny asks Gyro the tough questions, such as "why are so many people trying to kill you?" An extended flashback offers the answer to the lingering question "what are those thin…
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We hope you like fingernail-related body horror because this manga is pretty much just fingernail-related body horror from here on out. The Boom Booms are, shockingly, not top-tier JoJo's villains. Courtney miraculously manages to parse an Araki action panel. Johnny finally becomes a protagonist, which is good because it's (sadly) not Gyro's Bizarr…
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S06E07: It's Not Normal to Raise Insects in Your Eyeball
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Welcome to our podcast, which will now be exclusively about Kristen Stewart Christmas movies. We meet a nine-year-old who gets thrown in jail, but more about him later. Because this is an Araki story, we have a return of our old pal, toilet anxiety. Johnny and Gyro fight against a family of losers. Everyone is humoring Gyro about his iron balls. An…
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We meet Mrs. Robinson, a genderqueer icon who might be undead but definitely shoots bees from their eyes. We get a lot of callbacks to Battle Tendency, including killing a random person in the desert and doing a weird trick with bottles. Eliz discusses why Steel Ball Run is really a romance novel. Darius provides cactus science facts. We talk about…
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In this issue we learn the dubious JoJo's science of running (hint: it's just a perpetual motion machine). Ogre Street makes a comeback, but this time it's in America and mostly about ginning up excitement around sports betting. We learn some bullshit rules of sailing. We get the backstory of one Steven Steel: soldier, scammer, dreamer, sus. And it…
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Pocoloco continues his reverse monkey's paw horse racing strategy. Gyro gives his horse a butt massage with his balls. Johnny has eyes for one man and one man only (it's Gyro). Someone gets dragged by a horse but in like, a good way. If you missed Dio counting, well, this is the episode for you. And we learn to tell the difference between the ridin…
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Teddy bears are easier to cuddle with than scissors, buttcracks don't exist, and 300 million year old ice is basically a Steve Jobs keynote presentation. We talk about some serious stuff including Araki's characterization of Johnny through narration, how time dilation works in sports manga, and ways not to represent middle eastern people especially…
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This week we talk a lot about Johnny Joestar and disability in media. We meet Pocoloco, the luckiest man in the world. Gyro and Johnny have their meet cute, and it involves ball-touching. We learn that shit-talking randos don't last long in the wild west. We learn that American law states that anything is legal as long as a gun is involved. Johnny …
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Since we have officially run out of animated JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, we have decided to switch to talking about the manga. But not part 6, no, because that is presumably becoming an anime in 2 years or whatever. Instead we are talking about part 7 of JoJo's, Steel Ball Run, the greatest gay cowboy romance ever told. And our favorite arc of JoJo's…
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Here we are at the end (or the beginning?) of Vento Aureo, and boy do we have opinions! First and foremost about sculptor Jesus. Eliz describes the gayest sculpture ever made. Mista's stubbornness has... uh, some consequences. We figure out that Polnareff's fate is really the best possible outcome for him. And we learn the most valuable lesson: som…
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Dio's back, figuratively and figuratively-literally. We finally get some good opening credits. Once again we talk about why Diavolo is not a well written villain. Araki can't stop himself from writing Kishibe Rohan Twilight Zone stories. Speaking of, we meet a young woman whose boyfriend is such a bad artist she throws herself off a building. We di…
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S05E37: How Many JoJos Does it Take to Turn Off a Soul Bulb?
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If you've watched the opening credits, you probably aren't surprised by what happens in this episode. Everyone is now back in their normal body, including, crucially, Benedict the Living Dog. We talk about the bullshit rules of... soul... bulbs? Diavolo develops character traits as suddenly and conveniently as Giorno develops stand powers. Speaking…
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Today we discuss the bullshit rules of requiem stands. (There are many, many of these.) We discuss whether Silver Chariot Requiem is also a Terminator. We say goodbye to Doppio and it's uhhh kind of sad I guess. Everyone in Rome gets a full scholarship to sentient boil community college. We spend five whole minutes talking about why we think Diavol…
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We're back from our, uh, second pandemic hiatus! And the entire gang is still body-swapped. We learn about peak dog performance and speculate more on Dio's laboratory in Wind Knights Lot. We learn that watching JoJo's is not a substitute for an education. We see Fugo, briefly, and are ambivalent. Courtney stans all himbos. Our tolerance for muder h…
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This episode is a welcome wacky hijinks break from what has been some really intense action. We finally get to the villain OP and, well, it's no Diamond is Unbreakable but that could be the name of our entire podcast. We once again question the sartorial choices of the Italian mafia. We learn that turtles have the physiological ability to speak hum…
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We finally get to talk about the boss' character design. To say we do not like it would be an understatement. Mista invents the concept of Instagram influencers. The boss apparently decided to do an archaeology internship at some point? And discovered a box of discarded arrow heads, like you do? We get to learn what the Stardust Crusaders boys were…
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Gosh, don't you love the escapism of JoJo's? It's a good thing a city in chaos due to a deadly pathogen has nothing to do with the real world in March 2020. We discuss the line between life and death. Gold Experience somehow develops even more powers. We complain about the light novels because hey, why not. Secco might say that Cioccolata is a weak…
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We are blessed with another episode of Cioccolata and Secco and we discuss what it means when one character says "I love you" to another character (it means they love them, just fyi). We gaze in awe at Secco's pockets. Giorno and Mista manage to somehow be even gayer this episode. Courtney has a BONE to pick when it comes to prehensile spines. We d…
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Welcome to the Good Boy Apology Hour! This week we cover maybe the purest villain couple of the season. Darius is forced to explain the most horrifying local landmark of Worcester, Massachussetts. Courtney makes the mistake of asking a question on this podcast, which Darius and Eliz insist on answering, and we're going to have to live with ourselve…
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Congratulations, aliens are real and JJBA is now science fiction. We finally have a name for The Boss, so we can stop almost-spoiling you all every week that we record. This is the week we finally all get to learn about rare commemorative stamps from Greenland in the late 1970s. We are collectively very salty about how much better cell phones are i…
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In this episode we get very sad about Abbacchio, and so does the gang. Since we've already established that the afterlife involves you taking a semi-ironic job in relation to your mortal life, we use science to figure out Abbacchio's semi-ironic job. Once again, the mechanics of vampirism rear their head in the JoJo's universe in unexpected ways. W…
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Welcome to the episode where we actually have a canonical reason to talk about the US district court case Metallica et al v Napster Inc. Why does King Crimson have a tiny detachable face, and why is said face's name localized differently? (Spoiler: we never answer this.) Since when do iron filings allow you to perfectly blend in with your surroundi…
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We finally manage to connect part 5 to Ogre Street, the Pirate Club, the Speedwagon Foundation, and Santana beer, and all it takes is a little ghost sex. We are confused about a lot of things about Doppio but somehow we manage to make it work. Darius goes on a riff about the Ishmaelite sect of Islam and it is somhow relevant to JoJo’s Bizarre Adven…
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Trish’s Persona awakens, which of course means we get to talk about the Persona series of JRPGs and its connection to JoJo’s. We learn that when you finally develop agency, one of the first things that anyone does is turn a large vehicle into a condom. Eliz has so many stories about the Spice Girls and in this episode we bless you with all of them.…
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Abbacchio can fly a plane because he's seen a movie where someone flies a plane. Notorious B.I.G. is the stand that has by far the most in common with its musical namesake. Is it the most powerful stand in the JoJo's universe? Well, no, but it's a contender. Bruno manages to be both naive and romantic, which is either wildly out of character or wil…
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We talk about how to enjoy media made by people who suck and you can be absolutely sure that this is yet another one of our Harry Potter references. This episode contains far too much tongue-related body horror, Polnareff would be appalled. Fortunately the tongue horror is made up for by the presence of a gay murder/suicide/revenge for the ages. We…
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S05E22: Giving Life to a Pen to Make Parts for a Tongue
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Soup: is it good for you, or does it contain an enemy stand? We discuss the new opening, about which we are firmly lukewarm, and the new ending, about which we are firmly lukewarm. We meet the most iconic gay villain couple from Vento Aureo. We are finally back in our comfort zone: bathroom hijinks, and we learn that Narancia desperately needs to h…
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If you've been wondering, for years, how Vento Aureo's villain stand works, 1) join the club and 2) be grateful that the anime actually does a decent job of illustrating it! (Goodness knows we are.) Giorno develops *yet another* additional Gold Experience power, and this isn't even the last time he'll do that. King Crimson is probably the best-look…
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Two thirds of this podcast hates polenta and the other third is wrong. Fugo would like for you to vouch for his Crime skill on LinkedIn. The main villain of a JoJo's arc has power over time and cuts off someone's hand and we know you're shocked. We are in awe of Bruno's grief zippers. Araki proves once again that he has seen The Godfather. And if a…
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If you haven't watched the 1991 film Thelma & Louise yet, just trust us that it's just like Vento Aureo in the essentials. Giorno Giovanna is a library nerd. This week's fight has Giorno parroting essentially what Abbacchio was telling him back during the Man In The Mirror fight. We revisit and appreciate anew the 1996 Olympic games. David Producti…
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This episode features the greatest man to ever drive a Mazda Miata. Giorno finds another opportunity to turn something into a snake. Narancia is definitely a tiny grumpy old man in the body of a teen. Courtney only vaguely remembers anything about part 3. We tease out the difference between kids media and all-ages media. Giorno and Mista...pretty g…
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Imagine if it was possible for women to have children...how would that even work? Fortunately, this episode answers this question, maybe too thoroughly. That does not prevent us from asking many questions, most of which deserve to go unanswered for the rest of human history. Yet another person with a commercial driver’s license meets an assumedly b…
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Questions asked and answered in this episode: How many pieces can you cut yourself into and still live? What’s the difference between avenging your dead brother and avenging your dead lover? Should Pesci use his stand for orthoscopic surgery instead of crime? How long can you go with your heart stopped without consequences? Why is Number 5 sad all …
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S05E15: Bruno Coming Out of His Ceiling Void to Shame Prosciutto
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Welcome to our discussion about a nice hard rod. (Ahem.) Pesci gets his ass handed to him by Mista. The gang mostly all age like a fine wine. Proscuitto is a sexy, majestic human being who did nothing wrong. Sex Pistols is an extremely powerful Stand, which is odd since guns in general aren’t very effective in the JoJos universe. Yet another driver…
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Join us as we valiantly attempt to explain the two greatest mysteries in life: 1) Pesci's face and 2) the magical transit turtle. Marvel as we manage to come up with perfectly passable (by our standards) explanations for both. Coco Jambo is slang for a hot man with killer dance moves, so make of that what you will. We spend far too much time talkin…
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Courtney knows too much about blood. Eliz forgets about the existence of Holly Kujo née Joestar. The David Production team forgets how to draw human faces. We officially rename a Stand (say hello to Juicy Blues). We temporarily forget about who Giorno’s dads are. Courtney still doesn’t understand how Stands work. Darius knows too much about mid-nin…
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Of all the members of Passione, who would have thought Fugo was the one Araki cared the least about? (Not us.) We are forced to try and determine Fugo's astrological sign, since Araki *didn't even give him a birthday*. David Productions is leaning way into "sexual assault" this season and, perhaps obviously, we aren't fans. We meet Purple Haze, one…
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S05E11: In This House We Give This Dirty Child Some Spaghetti
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We regret to inform you that this episode is very horny. Eliz makes possibly the worst name-related pun in the history of this podcast. We attempt to create a list of all the things Lil' Bomber can't harm, but we have to stop because the answer is: everything. Courtney knows too much about how fire kills a person. Giorno Giovanna: excellent middle …
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