The White-Washing (and Gray-Washing) of America's Homes

The Omaha Bugle-Global News Network

Jeff and Adam turn their towering intellects to the so-called "HGTV-ification" of the United States based upon a recent article in the Atlantic magazine and talk about the differences between reality show renovations and the grubby real world of house repairs and remodeling replete with unobtainable materials and unavailable contractors and uninterested buyers. Flipping houses on TV shows appears to be an enjoyable, low-stress adventure in which enormous profits can be made even by people with no construction background and, indeed, no brain functions. The plentiful availability of materials and sympathetic contractors on TV is contrasted with the Dickensian world that most actual homeowners experience as they try to locate their wayward contractors who are busy working on other jobs and who often forget how to speak the complaining homeowner's language once the check is cashed. Adam and Jeff wonder how permits can be obtained so quickly on reality TV shows when it might take the first two seasons of a true reality house flipping show to get a building permit from a city. They suggest that shows in which a buyer visits three houses and then picks out his or her favorite may be staged because the buyer will often have purchased the house before the production begins; this avoids what would be a very depressing home search program if the buyer failed to get his or her desired home week after week after week. Adam and Jeff also talk about the interior features of new and newly-renovated homes which are a delightful palette of grays and whites, harking back to the tapestry of colors used in America's mental hospitals. Finally, they debate the usefulness of ripping out most of a kitchen's cabinetry so that floating shelves can be installed to show off the homeowner's favorite knick-knacks as well as the wisdom of having 48 water nozzles installed in the master shower which can blast the showering person with enough force to exfoliate his or her entire body.