TLP258: Why Touchy-Feely Connects People

The Leadership Podcast

Carole Robin is a leadership coach with over 35 years of experience. She is the Co-Founder of Leaders in Tech and taught at Stanford Graduate School of Business for 17 years. Out with a new book, Carole is the co-author of Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues, which is based on Stanford Business School’s legendary Interpersonal Dynamics (“Touchy Feely”) Course. Carole discusses how we can build deeper connections in the online world, why communication is the cornerstone for all interpersonal conflict, and how we can repair and strengthen existing relationships.

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Key Takeaways

[2:25] Carole has had six different careers over her professional life.

[7:10] There are a lot of opportunities in relationships.

[8:30] Words are powerful, but they can also lose their meeting if we don’t back them up with action.

[9:45] People can say words, and they have every intention to make them “sound good,” but you never truly know how your words have landed on someone else.

[13:40] Carole shares how communication differs when you're in a virtual setting.

[15:15] The power of starting a meeting off with, “If you really knew me…”

[17:00] Carole shares her concerns about the hybrid work model.

[19:15] A leader’s job is to ensure the best answer is found. There’s a lot of talk of trying to make the hybrid work model fair, but few have the solution. This is where a leader can thrive.

[21:35] With so much communication on Slack, people are afraid their colleagues are saying things behind their back or being left out in important meetings.

[23:25] Set the baseline in your company. When people understand what the standard looks like, there’s less fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

[25:20] So many people give feedback poorly. Here’s how you don’t fall into the same trap.

[29:00] When done right, feedback is just data!

[32:35] Children are conditioned to not express their emotions freely. Now as adults, think about the impact it has when we are trying to give them “feedback.”

[35:00] Carole shares why she co-founded her company, Leaders in Tech.

[39:15] Carole shares how involved a CEO must be if they wish to conduct change within an organization.

[41:25] Be prepared to do what you’re asking everyone else to do.

[43:20] You have to have a learner’s mindset if you want to succeed.

[44:10] Listener challenge: What worked five years ago, might not work today. Take the time to test it out again. Break it, refine it, grow from it.

[45:15] Leaders develop these preconceived notions of what they “should be” long before they’ve become leaders. Carole had it, she believed she had to leave her emotions at the parking lot.

Quotable Quotes

• “Language creates reality.”

• “It’s often a trap for a leader to think they have to come up with the answer.”

• “Feedback is a skill and most people don’t know how to do it well.”
• “We socialize the ability to express emotions out of kids.”

Resources Mentioned

• Sponsored by: Pass-life.com. Coupon Code: Duty
• Connect with Carole: Leadersintech.org & Carole on LinkedIn
• Carole’s book: Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues