The Push/Pull Approach To Breakups

The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast

Today Coach Amor and I will be breaking down this concept of pushing and pulling during a breakup.

More specifically,

• We’re going to define it
• Show you our push pull equation
• Look at the healthy way of utilizing push/pull
• Look at the toxic ways in which it’s utilized
• Show you how to implement it during the rapport building phase
• And most importantly have you sign up for coaching with Amor!

There’s a lot to cover here so let’s jump right into it.

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Interview Transcript Summary

SUMMARY KEYWORDS
pull, give, push, people, response, toxic, mirroring, negative, strategy, love, ghosting, positive response, implement, girls, pace, reach, move, argument, bare minimum, interesting
SPEAKERS
Amor, Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter 00:00
ready? Okay, today, a more and I are going to be talking about the push pull method of flirting as it relates the breakup situation. How are we doing today? We’re

Amor 00:17
doing great. I’m excited for topic today. It’s very interesting.

Chris Seiter 00:22
So I want everyone listening to this to know that more, and I spent an hour. And I literally, I don’t know if you know this more, but I timed it. You can see my screen here. I timed it below. It’s an hour and five minutes. Yeah, this outline. We barely have anything. No, I’m just kidding.

Amor 00:40
We had a lot of arguments. We did.

Chris Seiter 00:43
We did. And actually, what a great segue. Our very first argument was revolving around defining push and pull. Yeah. So so we had a fundamental difference on what push and pull meant. So I believe I think you need to

Amor 00:59
adjust that. Okay. Some people might have the same idea as I did.

Chris Seiter 01:05
Yeah, you know, it is kind of confusing because of the way they I’ve also heard it referred to as rubber banding, which might actually be an accurate way of looking at it. But of course, push and pull is the keyword people type into Google. So that’s the one we got to play with. Anyways, basically, this is funny, this is the big argument that I’m worn, I had basically for like 15 minutes. And I think I won the argument after I pulled up like multiple references, or at least a reference. But basically, I believed that pushing was essentially the kin to ghosting someone or avoiding someone and pulling was kind of like love bombing or showing a lot of interest. But a more had this wacky other way of thinking about it. And now tag your it because I don’t even know how to explain that.

Amor 01:53
In my point of view, when you push, it’s not your it’s your time of giving so much investing so much giving attention, you know, texting a lot, calling a lot, showing up a lot. And then when you pull, you suddenly take it all back. It’s a very toxic way. But that’s how manipulators do it in their mind. They’re investing investing, investing in the receivers point of view. That’s the push and when they pull away when everything is gone when they’re bread, crumbing or ghosting, that’s the pull away stage. That’s actually yeah, I realized that’s wrong. I mean, that’s not the right definition. I just really did it that that.

Chris Seiter 02:35
So the thing is, I see what you’re talking about. But for the purposes of this discussion, we’re gonna go with my definition, since I think that’s probably the most accurate one. Not to say you’re wrong, but you’re wrong.

Amor 02:52
I am wrong. Okay, but defeat.

Chris Seiter 02:55
Finally, God only took an hour. Okay, so basically, for the purpose of this discussion, push is going to be ghosting. Polling is going to be kind of love bombing. And we kind of came up with this fun little equation about really, I don’t know, maybe if equation is the right word, but basically a frame of reference to look at pushing and pulling. And, and it was actually a Moore, who had this really intriguing way of looking about how girls and guys kind of handle relationships. Yeah, so why don’t you go ahead and take that.

Amor 03:33
I used to hear this a lot from other women. not that old, but since high school. And you know, how, you know, how is the courtship starts with men pursuing the flirting stage. And we don’t know this that, at first, the guys are, sometimes they’re always into it, like, they move too fast. They give everything and when they’re excited, you know, they want to do everything they plan everything they want to see you always what the girls are not aware of is that the guys set the direction of the relationship or the courtship stage, but the girl should be the one that’s deciding about the pace of how, you know how everything goes, That guy set the direction the girl set the pace. So in that way, you’re both incorporating the push pull equation, because if you’re, but most of the time, girls are not aware of that. They just let the guy pursue and pursue and then in some cases, if if the guy is toxic, if the guy is manipulative, they know that the more they invest, they’re gonna, they’re gonna hook you in and then that’s when they ghost you or they read Chrome, you now you’re confused. There’s only one person is implementing the push and pull. The guy is setting the direction and he’s also setting that He’s so yeah, just to share girls, you need to be aware of that you should be the one setting the pace. And I think you gave a better example on how to implement it equally, because I didn’t I wasn’t even. I didn’t realize that we can. You know, the guys are the one that’s the guy should allow the girl, I think you need to talk about that more. Okay.

Chris Seiter 05:27
So yeah, I mean, believe it or not, I’ve been doing this for 10 years. It was the first time I had ever heard this take on relationship dynamics, and I loved it. So

Amor 05:37
I think it’s more of a cultural thing. Because in Asian, you know, in Asian culture, the guy should be the pursuer. It’s not encouraged for the girls to pursue. You’re allowed.

Chris Seiter 05:51
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can’t tell you how often people want to crucify me for saying like, Oh, yeah, no, you reach out first, especially if they’re women. They’re like, No, but no. So I don’t necessarily think it’s just Asian culture. I think it’s almost as a universal thing. But yeah, so

Amor 06:04
basically, your wraps in the topic of, you know, feminine and masculine energy. right into that.

Chris Seiter 06:12
I think they are

Amor 06:13
interrupting you. Okay, good.

Chris Seiter 06:17
So yeah, basically, the argument you were making is like, Guys, in general, in relationships, they’re thinking about the direction you know, where to go, what to do natural. So like, they have this, this natural inclination to want to move really fast. They, they’re kind of in love with this pursuit stage. Whereas girls, on the other hand, they’re all about the pace of the relationship, which I really love that you talked about that. So like, you know, oftentimes they’ll say, you know, that date doesn’t work for me, or I’m not ready for that. So they kind of dictate the pace, but

Amor 06:45
we’re worried about it, but we love it, that you move fast, but we are worried about it.

Chris Seiter 06:51
You’re kind of like slow down their head honcho? You know, we’re not, we’re not quite ready for that yet. But yeah, more than I had this really another one of the big debates we had when we were kind of like outlining this topic was the healthy ways of push pull, and the toxic ways of push pulling. And I think that was that was an idea that came up with you. So basically, like, she was asking me like, Hey, what is the healthy way of of implementing this push pull thing, and I was arguing that I think there needs to be a reset in the way that we’ve looked at pushing and pulling, you know, we often look at the pushing and pulling as his way of manipulating this person to feel a certain way about us. Instead, I think a more healthy way of looking at it is the mirroring approach, you know, so when they pull back, you pull back. And what often happens in healthy environments is guys, they’re allowing the girl to set the pace, and girls are knowing when to set the pace. So oftentimes, this push pull mechanism, these two elements are present. But on the other hand, a more was talking about this toxic way of pushing and pulling. And we actually had a really long spirited debate about like, Okay, well, let’s define what the toxic way of pushing and pulling is. And the toxic way is, basically you’re trying to manipulate the person with selfish intent, so you only care about what you feel. So you’re kind of like in love with this high being chased. And we see this a lot with guys specifically, who are not allowing a girl to pace and girls not knowing that they are allowed, they let the guy dictate the pace. And these are kind of like the this, if you look at this equation of like, Okay, girls, set the pace, guys try it or think about the direction. And if that is present, you tend to have a more healthy way of looking at this push pull. But on the other hand, it’s very toxic. If guys are setting the pace, or yeah, basically, guys are setting the pace and direction. So to kind of bring this back to that masculine feminine energy or a yin and yang, both of these elements need to be in place for a healthy relationship to potentially develop. Yeah. And I do you want to take the implementing the because really, you so I want

Amor 09:15
to be more clear that go over I know, I mentioned this earlier, but if the toxic way is leaning more on what the intent is, for example, if it’s a long term relationship, and just like what we talked about, once you’re bored, you pull away everything, just because you’re bored. But sometimes, you know, I don’t know how you would react to this stress, but sometimes a little bit of that for me, for me, it’s okay just to spice things up, but don’t do it in a routine way. Like you need to you need to set it so that when you know there’s an imbalance in the relationship. Like you’re giving way too much. You have to pull back. And that’s that’s although the intention is more for yourself. You’re thinking about I like how we advise the UG hours because some of them would think so the UG hours or more for myself than that it’s toxic right?

Chris Seiter 10:08
Now you can easily argue that this is girls just setting the pace.

Amor 10:13
Yes, yes, exactly. But if they do it, is it also toxic if they need more time for themselves?

Chris Seiter 10:22
I don’t think so.

Amor 10:24
Right? Because yeah, they are basing it, but it’s not. I just want to make it clear that it’s not black and white. But you would know that if it’s toxic, if it keeps happening, if it becomes a pattern. Ghosting, you know, right bread crumbing. That’s a push and pull tactic. And they’re doing it for fun, not because they want to be want to grow, they need time for themselves. No, they’re doing it for the height of the feeling of being chased. Some because I want to address that this people, some people are, they’re not really into this, because they feel like they’re manipulating their ex. So, yeah.

Chris Seiter 11:05
But yeah, I mean, I think certainly that’s the case with a lot of people, I think the the long pole in the tent for people to understand, I guess the thing we’re trying to get out here is probably the mantra you should be having when you’re looking at pushing and pulling is instead trying to approach it from a mirroring perspective.

Amor 11:27
Racing,

Chris Seiter 11:29
because, like, if you think about it, like if you’re marrying someone, it allows a relationship to kind of unfold organically. And really to kind of hammer this home, you know, a more was asking me like, Okay, you, you’re arguing, Chris, that the the push pool concept is sort of not even the right way of looking at it. Instead, the mirroring concept is probably the better way, you know, when they pull away, you, you pull away when they pull back, you pull back. But how do you actually implement it? When you’re building rapport? And you do it? Exactly. And so my argument there is, it’s important when you’re in the rapport building stage with an ex, or I guess, just in general with anyone. We’ve had actually a lot of interesting. People in the Facebook group specifically telling us like, yeah, you know, I’m not trying to get my ex back anymore. But I use some of the stuff that you’re teaching to get exes back on, just like normal dates, and it’s working. So I do think there’s some applications here with just non breakup situations. But it’s important that you have a framework like the value ladder, and within that framework, be implementing the mirroring approach with some guardrails or bumpers. And to kind of, we kind of created a chart, I guess, to help with that. Do you want to just set up the chart? And then I can kind of go into it?

Amor 12:58
Yeah, we we talked about how do you really handle it in the real world? Because that’s probably what your concerns are, how do you implement the push pull while you’re building rapport? And with the responses that, you know, you’re gonna get? So how do you implement the push pull when you get a positive and negative and neutral and no response? That’s, that’s what you’re gonna encounter, whether you’re trying to build rapport with your ex or with a new person. So the first at first, I thought, if you always, you know, get a positive response, which what we all want in a fairytale setting your positive response? Yeah. And everything’s good. And you’re getting back faster than everyone else.

Chris Seiter 13:41
It’s true.

Amor 13:45
In real life, specially with our listeners who have avoidant access, or let’s say fearful avoidant, let’s say you get a positive response. This, does that mean, you’re not going to implement the push pull? Well, how do you? Yeah.

Chris Seiter 14:02
Are you asking me more?

Amor 14:04
Yeah. Okay.

Chris Seiter 14:08
So yeah, I mean, this is actually something like not to belabor the point here. But this is actually something I struggled with a long time. Because we see it a lot in the group. This concept of people really falling in love with being Eugene, and a lot of times they associate being Eugene with being unavailable. And that is a huge part of it, you know, but if you’re unavailable all the time, that’s not going to foster necessarily the best environment for attraction to happen. You have to be available some time for attraction to happen. And so yeah, one of the reasons why I like the mirroring approach so much is actually how it handles positive interactions. So oftentimes, what I see people or a mistake I see people making in the group is they get a positive response from their ex And then they’re almost trained. And a lot of this is my fault for the way I had the program set up in the past before we kind of like had it evolve, but they’re trained to like, Okay, I got the positive response. Now I’m gonna kind of go back into my bunker and wait a little bit, and then I’ll come back out. But what’s interesting is, when I’ve interviewed a lot of success stories, I found that it’s usually the people who take advantage of the momentum that end up having the greater successes in the end. So in my opinion, when you get a positive response with someone, it’s important to keep going. But you don’t want to match their exact enthusiasm. So if they’re like, if their enthusiasm is at a 10, you want to match their enthusiasm, but a bit at a seven. So you give them a little something, you acknowledge how they’re feeling, and you can kind of keep the momentum going, but you’re not matching them. Exactly. So you’re there’s always like a little, little sum. So I think that’s kind of the thing that makes the biggest difference. And that that is that is my way of being available while being unavailable.

Amor 16:02
Like what I basically you’re basing it, you’re trying to take it slow. Yeah. But you’re not totally pushing them away. By being predictable. You’re there, you’re like, you have to validate, but also take the lead of taking, taking everything. So because the tendency for some of the excess is that they get excited, because they get the attention back. Yeah. And then they realize later on, that they’re overwhelmed. So to avoid that, you need to give just 75% As you say, yeah, not blowing them off. Yeah,

Chris Seiter 16:33
right. I think the one other caveat I would have with positive responses is we’re talking about positive responses after the no contact rule. And after you’ve already engaged in some conversations with them, this does not apply to our rules for first contact text messages after the no contact rule. Because in that case, you usually want to give them a day or two before you reach out again and slowly. This is like when you have connection built up. But you’re kind of stuck in a stagnant limbo. But anyways, you want to you want to set up the next one for me.

Amor 17:06
Okay, I think this one’s the, when you’re getting a negative response, this is more of the concern of probably a lot more of the listeners, what you do when they’re really negative.

Chris Seiter 17:19
So when they’re really negative, how do

Amor 17:21
you can can you still implement the push pull? Yeah, like they don’t want to talk to you?

Chris Seiter 17:27
Yeah, like I said, our version of push pull is we’re trying to shift it more towards mirroring. So it’s a more organic approach or more organic unfold. So when you’re getting a negative response, the mirroring approach would actually not be perfectly correct here, because the mirroring response would have you be like, you know, they say something mean to you, and you say something mean back? Well, especially if you’re trying to get your ex back. That’s not necessarily the best thing. But instead, you want to, quote unquote, mirror that as you don’t want to reward negative behavior. So you give them space, but the question becomes, how much space and how many days depends on how negative they were, and how often they were negative. So like, for example, let’s say your ex was just kind of negative, they said something snarky to you, maybe you would just say, Okay, I’m gonna wait a week before I try to reach out again. But let’s say this is your fifth attempt to reach out to them and every time you reach out to them, they’ve been incredibly negative. Well, each time that they’re more negative, subsequently, you want to extend the amount of space that you give them. But a more you brought up a really interesting question, which is, okay, well, let’s say when you’d like you have to reach out to them. Yeah, remember, you were you were asking me, like the negative? Like, if they’re incredibly negative, you give them the space, and then you have to reach out to them again. Yeah.

Amor 18:52
How do you watch out again, how do you initiate? Like, if they seem like they’re, they really don’t want to talk to you? How do you start again? What kind of message do you send or open up in a call?

Chris Seiter 19:05
Yeah, so that’s another really great question. And I think the answer to this can be found once again by looking at our success stories. So if you Oh, well said a few years ago, a few weeks ago, I was interviewing this, this girl who ended up using our program to get our ex back. And she told us really interesting story. And maybe this isn’t an apples to apples comparison. But it gave me kind of the perfect essence of oh, this is the correct way to approach this. She told the story of how she reached out to her ex and got him to be incredibly interested back. And basically, it was during the World Cup and her ex’s favorite team got a big win during the World Cup. And she texted him like, hey, congratulations. And when he was in this really highly, I don’t know euphoric state. He responded to her in a so like, it’s finding like sometimes you just have to wait for the universe to provide the correct answer for you. So for her, it was matching something newsworthy that was going on with a happy, positive emotion. And if you can kind of find those two things and craft a text around it, you’ll tend to get better results. So that’s the best, I

Amor 20:16
actually messaged him right at that moment. She didn’t wait for, like, a few days after they won. That would be weird, because the expectation was that her ex was probably also very happy about it. And you have to give the opportunity of that moment. So you have to, yes, you have to be present at the time that when you’re about to reach out, find out what’s currently happening, that’s going to be interesting for them, even if it’s not just, I think for me, it’s also about their personal lives, you know, if there’s nothing newsworthy, you have to like, be more observant on what’s more pressing for your ex so that it comes off natural. what’s currently going on in their life.

Chris Seiter 21:01
Yep, that’s like the common theme that’s coming up here, a more which is like, natural, organic, you want things to unfold in that way

Amor 21:10
natural? Yeah. So

Chris Seiter 21:11
it doesn’t feel forced.

Amor 21:13
But with the next one with the neutral responses, when you’re not sure if it’s positive or negative? does that also mean it’s easier? Or is it harder compared to negative and positive ones? Because you’re not sure?

Chris Seiter 21:27
Yeah, I think probably the challenge lies in figuring out if it’s positive, or negative, or neutral, or like basically just defining what neutral looks like, for me, neutral is like they gave you the bare minimum. So they weren’t mean to you, they weren’t overly happy to see you, they just gave you the very bare minimum, oftentimes, this is going to be very short, quick responses, sometimes one word, they’re giving you something. So it’s not necessarily the worst thing in the world. But if you’re going to approach the when they pull back, you pull back approach, the neutral can be construed as them pulling back a tiny bit. So to mirror that same behavior, you want to pull back a tiny bit and a tiny bit. And this frame of reference is anywhere between three to five days, you’re just going to have to pick that based on your your gut on that. I don’t know if there’s too much more to talk about. Do you have anything else on neutral that you want to

Amor 22:26
know, I just realized something that in a way, it’s kind of hard because it’s kind of harder compared to negative responses. Because when someone gives a negative response, it shows that they’re still emotional about you or with you. But with a neutral one, you’re not really so sure. So, but it also shows that they’re not angry. So yeah, they’re just pulling back a little bit. They’re less emotional. So you just have to mirror that if it shows that you have a chance, a little bit. They’re not totally closed off. But in comparison to the next one there no response. Does that mean? It’s a total loss? Like, they really don’t want to talk to you anymore? Yeah, emotional and they’re not neutral? It

Chris Seiter 23:11
it’s dependent on on a lot of factors. Usually, it’s dependent on factors that lead up to your

Amor 23:17
Yeah, with no response, is there something to mirror with? Nothing.

Chris Seiter 23:24
I think the only thing that you can do is you’re texting them something. So the first thing I would always try to do is diagnose if the text messages the problem, because sometimes I see text messages in the community that people are sending. And I’m like, that was clearly a problem. Where they’re just not, you know, it’s just not good enough to get a response. And not to make this about me. But I’ve been thinking a lot about this ever since chat GPT came out. One of the interesting, maybe positive ramifications of chat GPT is the fact that it’s going to require quality content to go upwards. So now articles that are going to be picked or stand out will be higher quality, because everyone’s going to be using chat GPT to just mass create these articles that don’t have any life to them. And to kind of relate that to text messages if you just do the bare minimum in your text message. And that that in you kind of expect the response because hey, you were together at one point, this is your ex they used to respond to you all the time. Well, the rules are different now. And if you just did the bare minimum and you’re expecting a response, and you got no response, that might not necessarily be indicative of like, oh, they hate you. It might just be indicative of you sent like kind of a lame text that’s not going to get a response. So right. The first thing I would always do is diagnose if the text message is going is essentially the problem. If it is then I would fix it and try again in about a week. If you get another no response, then you’re going to want to go into like a no contact like a straight up 21 Day

Amor 25:00
For, oh, not because just 21 days, okay?

Chris Seiter 25:03
Because in that case, then it’s not your text message, that’s the problem, it’s most likely they’re really holding a grudge based on the relationship, and they need more space. Okay, and, and the most important through line throughout all of this is, I wrote this article today where I was talking about, you know, really, the strategy for getting someone back is the same, if you want to get over them, you know, consistently, we’re finding the most meaningful thing that you can do to get your ex back is to move on from them. So if you’re not

Amor 25:35
specifically has to be genuine. Yeah, you can’t really

Chris Seiter 25:39
fake it. I used to think you could, that you know, if you actually go and read any of my articles from like, 2013, or 2014, it was like, well fake it till you make it. But after talking with people, and just through authentically saying, Yeah, I, I actually had to move on, I had to get to this point where I got to this place where I was like, you know, what, whatever, I’m okay without them. And that’s when they came back. I’m not one for the masculine or feminine energy type thing. But if you want to make a case for its existence, you know, it’s there.

Amor 26:10
Yeah, I want to share something personally, because I decided to move on from a recent ex, but that doesn’t, but when I broke up with him, I still loved him. So Emotionally, I was still there, there was a part of me, that’s wanting him to get, you know, to reach out to try to get back together with me. But what I noticed is when I’m really because because I mean, this, like we’ve you know, feeling like there are times that I want him back, but I’m logically decided that I don’t want to get back together with him emotionally, there’s this wanting from me. And every time I emotionally accepted that we’re not going to get back together, okay, I need to focus on moving on, I need to focus on that I need to cut the hope. And just really focus on myself. That’s when he reaches out and it throws me off. And I have to remind myself, you have to help them avoid. So even from someone that surgically decided that they need to move on by being by saying genuinely, you have to both emotionally and logically decided to get you have to move on guys.

Chris Seiter 27:16
Well, okay, so this is an interesting thing, because you were talking and it made me think of what the article I was writing today, because I was making this point that you’re basically making, but I found some research to kind of back it up, which is really cool. So basically, these these scientists were, were looking at romantic breakups, and essentially what caused people to heal from them. And they found that there’s like this triad of strategies. So they took 24 Heartbroken individuals who had recently experienced a breakup. And they basically tested these three strategies on them. And then they would show them pictures of their acts and measure their brainwaves or what have you. And the three strategies were really interesting. So the first strategy was like negatively reappraising their acts. So basically, like, like a more think of all the horrible things about your ex. And just think about that all the time. That was strategy number one. Strategy number two was called Love reappraisal, which is essentially like accepting like, okay, we’re broken up. This is my new reality. Strategy number three was distraction. Okay, so here’s the mind blowing thing. If you do all three of these things, it can make a huge difference for you, authentically getting over your ex,

Amor 28:27
but you need to publish that.

Chris Seiter 28:31
By but these three strategies are not all created equally. So for example. Yeah, I think it was like

Amor 28:39
the negative segue for the next podcast, like a sneak peek. No, no,

Chris Seiter 28:45
I just literally wrote this article today. So it’s really top of

Amor 28:48
mind just thing.

Chris Seiter 28:50
But basically, distraction was maybe basically the most effective approach. But when they conducted brain scans, they showed that it didn’t look like distraction did not remove how they felt about their ex. It helps them get their mind off the experts did not help them what helped us get over their ex or like stop loving them as much is

Amor 29:21
perfect definition

Chris Seiter 29:26
was okay, here’s the here’s the thing. Distraction works to get your mind off of your ex, but it doesn’t Yes, prevent your love for them doesn’t go away as quickly. What makes your love for them go away is negatively reappraising them, basically thinking about all the horrible ways they treated you And so essentially, those are the two important strategies to remember

Amor 29:47
stop missing the good times. Because logic can be as you said, Yeah, I’m good with distracting myself logically. I know I’m not gonna get back together with him. But the feelings of missing the good times is still there. I want that back. And I’m like, No, you’re not. Instead, we’re having an argument with myself every day. You should,

Chris Seiter 30:06
like try to remember the experience as a whole, according to this research by him.

Amor 30:11
Yeah. In short, vilify him

Chris Seiter 30:15
if you want the love for the go down, but also, I think it’s more than that, you know, the one thing that they didn’t really talk about was that middle strategy, which is just kind of accepting this as my new reality and being okay with it. And that is what we’re trying to teach our clients. Yeah, be okay have

Amor 30:30
a new reality. Yeah, I have another take on that. Because I heard another one of those advices from I can’t remember if it’s YouTuber tic toc that it’s harder, because when we tend to remember the x, we remember the beginning or the middle. And then we don’t remember how it ended when the mask came off. When when the problems arise. And that’s, I think, how I should remember him. So that, I’m reminded that

Chris Seiter 30:57
that’s similar to the peak end rule, which is like, we don’t really remember experiences so much.

Amor 31:05
Yeah, we remember difference, the highs and,

Chris Seiter 31:07
or the ends. And so was this. The other thing, though, with the peak, enroll the people that people mostly think like the peak, like, oh, the most exciting moment of the experience, but actually peaks can also be peak negative moments in the middle. And so it can swing both ways. But what I found, like you just said is most most of our clients, they tend to only romanticize those really positive moments, but it’s important for you to realize, not all of it was perfect. And that will actually help your coping process.

Amor 31:38
It does unconsciously mean unconsciously, unconsciously remembering the bad times, but I have to keep reminding myself that you have to remember why it ended, no matter how good they look like with his current girlfriend. It’s probably not. I’m not seeing everything.

Chris Seiter 31:56
No. And I think also, there is indication in statistics and science behind people who post a lot on social media tend to be more unhappy. So I think there’s a lot of facts, I think, this going and I think also, you know, if you want to get really technical, like cortisol is not. So cortisol, when you go through a breakup it shoots way, way up. And if it’s in this elevated state, then it will stay in that eldest elevated state much longer. So normally, it takes like three hours for it to kind of come down to normal. But if you’re checking social media, thinking about that, their cortisol up, and now all of a sudden, what should go away in three hours take six months to go away. And that’s not what we want. So a lot of what we’re trying to teach people is getting them to that emotional place. But I think that’s a perfect place to end this podcast.

Amor 32:51
We went way off topic we did. So they got a sense of how to move on. So

Chris Seiter 32:58
but a more. Okay, how many coaching session availability spots do you have for this week?

Amor 33:07
This week? I have to check, but I think I have a lot of someone. I have some news this week. I have a few.

Chris Seiter 33:17
Cool? Do you want to tell people how they can sign up with you? Or potentially what coaching sessions look like with you?

Amor 33:26
Okay, guys, so are you going to put in my Calendly link in the show notes

Chris Seiter 33:31
that they have to pay to get access to that? Unfortunately, yes. We will put in a coaching page.

Amor 33:39
Yes, you have to put in the coaching page. So yeah, if you want to like if you need more one on one coaching and with specifically with your situation, you can check out the coaching page that Chris is going to put in the show notes. And if you want to know how it works, usually, we you send in a summary of your situation. And I talk about the perspective of you know, I’ll give you an outsider’s perspective and strategies and techniques on how to increase your chances, though we cannot guarantee that you will get your ex back, but it will help. I’ll help you have a more logical perspective on what’s happening with your situation. Because the tendency is most of the clients or all of them are very emotional and they can think straight and you know what, sometimes they actually know what to do. They just need like a reminder and a different date because your friends, your co workers, your family, they’re also emotional about your situation. So even if they’re giving they’re probably not. They’re not going to give you a sound advice when it comes to you.

Chris Seiter 34:50
They’re also not maybe everybody else. When they find out you want your ex back to

Amor 34:54
yes, they’re not going to be as supportive. So yeah, if you need more professional, maybe not super professional, I’m not a therapist, but a more experienced point of view and a logical point of view to see if you have I don’t want to see if you have a chance, but to assess on what the real situation between you and your ex is on which one of your thoughts or just, you know, you overthinking. So, yeah,

Chris Seiter 35:30
I can see incredibly, was incredibly authentic with her

Amor 35:35
with your coach on this. Need to see this. But how are we doing?

Chris Seiter 35:45
I’m a real person, you know, you’re not an AI.

Amor 35:48
I’m not chat TP. I wish I am. Because

Chris Seiter 35:53
knowledge base would be pretty impressive, but you would also hallucinate data and give me so I went to church. So last thing, before we leave, I want to chat GPT extremely excited about its potential of looking up studies because I was like, this can be a great resource for me to like, look up studies to prove the points I’m making. And it it came up with like all these studies, and I was like, blown away by this. Yeah, every single study it came up with it made up it was lies. It just made it up. Oh, no, I found out later that that’s a very common problem with these chatbots. They hallucinate data, but they’re so confident with themselves, that they make it 10 pages on websites. And so I click on that, I’d be like, Hey, give me the source for that and click on the link and be like, Where the heck is the page? It’s, it’s a broken leg.

Amor 36:39
That’s scary. Yeah, so they hallucinate. So they’re like imagining pains now. Oh, my God.

Chris Seiter 36:46
Yeah, they are. They’re very confident about it, too. So you always have to check when you’re like asking it stuff. The only thing I’ve ever been using it for so far is is proofreading. But even if proofreads I’m not loving, like the results, I get with it when it proofreads because I’m like, like, hey, proofread this, but don’t take away my voice just like check for grammar and fix all the run on sentences. Yeah. And it it makes me sound like a robot and I can’t stand it. But it’s so yeah, that’s what I’m like.

Amor 37:15
Yeah. That’s what I don’t like actually, with chatty be, you have to be really clear with your instruction. It’s like programming. You’re like a programmer, because if you’re not near, they’re going to decide decide on what to give you that it’s kind of weird, do not create deciding, but just based on their algorithm. It’s pretty impressive though the church Yes. chatbots. And it’s scary. It was scary. They’re still different with human interaction is very different. Because with us, of course, it’s authentic and there’s feelings involved. You know, we understand what you’re going through that the AIS don’t, they’re gonna give you made up solutions or logical solutions, it’s probably gonna hurt your situation more than help you

Chris Seiter 38:04
because they don’t understand what you feel. So you sign up with a more she’s not an AI chatbot and all that. I think that’s the perfect place to stop.

Amor 38:15
Yeah. And

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