Poetry Episode 3: Tessa Messa Delicatessa

Sophie and Sebastian

Time for some more poetry! In this episode we feature two poems, including this one, about the famous pirate Tessa Messa de Delicatessa! Enjoy.

Tessa Messa de Delicatessa
Was her Royal Majesty’s Professor
Of Pirate Language and Symbology
At th’ Institute for Piratology.
Her classroom was an old abandoned ark
All painted pink and glowing in the dark,
Where Tessa taught each artful dodger
How to draw a proper Jolly Roger.
First she took Old Blackbeard from his case,
Then she showed her pupils how to trace
The crossbones and the skull in blackest ink,
And colour in the lines in lipstick pink.
Yet even though there was a skeleton,
Some boys said pink was much too feminine,
And so they whispered of a mutiny,
And waited for their opportunity.
It came one windy day in Outdoor Ed.,
When Tessa showed ‘em how to make their bed,
In the crow’s nest, way up high
Neat and tidy, warm and dry.
Then suddenly the boys began to curse,
“You scurvy dog! You parrot!” (and much worse),
“We’ve had enough of girly-whirly stuff,
Pirates don’t make beds–they’re mean and tough.”
And so they waved their daggers and their dirks,
And fired off some fireworks,
They made Miss Tessa walk the plank
Where sharks were swimming in the tank.
But Tessa was not in the least afraid,
Although her prospects were not great,
With boys behind, and sharks below,
And inside a touch of vertigo.
Tessa jumped and dove into the water
And before those sharks could spot her
She had pulled a switchblade from her dress
Cut her ropes, and … well, you can guess.
She killed the sharks, she took her blindfold off,
The boys had little time to scoff,
She sold them for a penny each,
Dirt cheap, but they were hard to teach.
Then when the parents came out to complain
Tessa beat them with a wooden cane,
And she never had another boy recruit,
At her Girls’ Only Private Pirate Institute.